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Dysfunctional Family & The Holiday Blues =(

The picture above courtesy of pexels

With Thanksgiving coming up next week, I thought I’d talk about family. The holidays are supposed to be the times in which we get together with family and laugh, talk, remanence, give thanks and most of EAT! But sometimes that’s not always easy, especially if you have dysfunctional family members or a MEMBER! which could make those holiday gatherings very uncomfortable.

There’s a quote that says, “Families are like fudge, mostly sweet with lots of nuts.” Does that sound like your family? Because let’s face it, we all have a family member or relatives who seem to have come from another planet than we did.

While we may all wish we can send them back for a replacement, they are still part of our family and despite the ups and downs that surround them, we have to deal with them and love them the same. I used to think that everyone had a good family except for me because we seemed to fight all the time and just when you thought everybody was getting along, something would come up out of nowhere.

It could be from something my mom said, my dad did, my sister thought or how I reacted, and the next thing we know, no one would pick up a phone for months on end.
As I got older, I realized that even the biggest families had issues and no family is perfect by any means and while my family was distant, there were other families who didn’t come together at all or allowed hatred to circle through them and build a fire that never ended.

We can’t save the world or help every dysfunctional family but listed below are a few tips to maybe keep the line of communication open with our estranged relatives before, during and after the holidays.

#1. Communicate regularly.

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This may be very hard for some families because most of them have built up so many issues and have held onto so much hurt, that it’ll take several counseling sessions to get those layers pulled completely away. But I’ve found that most family situations can be solved if we can learn to talk to each other before a situation escalates out of control.

*At least you try to talk it out, even if they don’t want too*

Do your part, because at the end of the day, what YOU DID really will matter. If they choose not to conform, then you did your part – pray for them and move on. Hopefully, they’ll come around when they’re ready.

#2. Seek counseling from a family therapist.

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If regular communication does not succeed, then counseling is the next step. Some dysfunctional family issues may have nothing to do with you per se, but it could have something to do with what an older family member did.

Issues could’ve already been in place prior to your birth, in which the family never settled among themselves, which caused division with other family members. Counseling helps to get us past the “Then” to help us be better for the “Now” and future family generations to come.

#3. Back off but not completely.

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Most families feel that most fiery problems will resolve themselves by staying away, in most cases, this only makes matters worse and hatred increase. While situations may become too strong to handle and you may have to back off just to protect yourself, don’t allow it to stay that way.

Don’t let weeks, months, or even years keep you from being connected to your family unless you have been totally pushed away and in that case – it’s not your fault or problem but the individuals who closed the door without making amends.

#4. Forgiveness is key.

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When you’ve made every attempt to bring about reconciliation, but find that there’s no effort on their part, then you have to forgive them and move on.
Forgiveness doesn’t excuse the behavior that dysfunction brings, but it allows us to learn from what happened and to let it go (in which is a process all by itself)

Remember, it’s not about what they did, what they said or what they haven’t done; it’s about what you do. Forgiveness is your pass to have peace for yourself not them.
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We cannot change our families, because we’re stuck with them forever. No matter what we think or how we feel about them, they are a part of us, and we are apart of them.
But you’ll find out that family no matter how dysfunctional it may be, is a really great addition to your life. It’s something that everyone dreams of having – even if it can’t be with their “natural” ones.

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Okay, so BIG announcement. My next post will be on next Wednesday and will be my last post for the year. I know, I know – don’t cry……haha (I’m sure you’re not) Anywho, I’ll not only be taking a break from blogging but also social media as well. After next week, I won’t be posting anything until after the beginning of the year. 

What will my last post be about??? You’ll have to see next week – hint, hint: it’s going to be light and informative (the fun informative =)

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EnSpired: You Gotta Watch “BAO” By Domee Shi

The photo above courtesy of damiadeniyi.com

Okay, so this post isn’t going to be long because I really want you to see this very inspiring, loving and (you betta get your tissues) video. Over the weekend I watched The Incredibles 2 with my son and daughter and it was really, really good. Let me just say “Jack-Jack” stole my heart and was the cutest and main character of the movie (to me at least)

It was fun, action-filled and let’s just say “Elastigirl” got her time in the spotlight but things aren’t always as good as they seem. We really have to “check” people’s motives for why they want us to do certain things – anywho, it’s a great movie that the whole family will love. While the movie was great – it was this video at the end that brought tears to my eyes a short-film by the name of “BAO”

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Bao is a Chinese word in which means “dumpling” – it’s a delicacy that’s filled with meat or vegetables and then steamed/broiled. However, you may get another meaning once you see the film below. If you’re a parent, you’ll understand this and even if you’re not;  It’ll take your mind back to your own childhood and put you in the shoes of how your parents must’ve felt when it came time to “letting you go so you can discover your own wings” The film was inspired by Chinese-Canadian Domee Shi . According to Shi, the story’s meaning came was inspired by her “overprotective” mother when she was growing up. The short film is one of the first directed by a woman for Disney Pixar.

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Domee Shi, Director/Creator of Disney Pixar Short Film – BAO

Okay, so I’m warning you again – you’re going to need some tissues for this one. 

Watch the film and let me know what you think in the comments. Also, Incredibles 2 is now available at your local Redbox.

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Come On, Get Up! It’s TIMEEEEEEEEE To See the Orthodontist!!

The photo above and all photos below courtesy of bing

Okayyyy!!!! This is the last post for the month of October and I’d like to think that I saved the best for last, sort of. Anyhow, did you know that October is National Orthodontic Health Month? Yesssss, it really is and I have to say that I haven’t always been a huge “fan” of the dentist office. But in lieu of the month; I thought I’d share my childhood experience and adult mistakes concerning it. In which hopefully will be able to help you and maybe a child.

The 6th grade – that was the last time I remember ever going to an actual dentist. Prior to that, my mom always signed the papers for us to have those yearly dentist checks in what seemed like those humongous mobile vans in elementary school. I wasn’t sure if those were “serious” checks but I was always told that I didn’t have any issues, so I thought my teeth were fine. As long as I kept them brushed (twice a day, in which for me was once a day) I would be good.

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Once I got out of elementary school then that was Sayonara to the big tooth mobile and the dentist offices. I never went to a dentist or visited an office again! I know that sounds crazy, especially for all the dental geeks out there but it’s true. Once I graduated school and began to pursue employment – dental insurance was always offered and I’d get it – but never use it, I mean for what, on the outside, my teeth were perfectly fine.

Year after year, I would opt for the dental insurance and year after year – it would never get used. As my children grew older and got to the ages where they needed to see a pediatric dentist, I made it my business to take them – it was then that I learned that kids are supposed to have dental visits, every 6 months; OMGosh??? Really??? As naïve’ as I was about the dentist – I had no idea that it was really that important. Needless to say, I made sure both of my kids were there every 6 months.

But, still when it came to me – I continued paying and being a NO SHOW. I mean, I’m an adult now so what does it matter, right? When it came around again for us to re-enroll for insurance on the job, I decided that I would just drop the dental insurance altogether, it was a waste for me to have it and not use it and besides that was extra money that I could save and keep in my check, my teeth was a-ok, until I bit down on a starburst one day and felt this excruciating pain that I had never felt before and that’s when I realized…….I Needed an Orthodontist!!!

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After suffering weeks with the same pain – I finally made an appointment “Do you have Dental Insurance??” I was asked, “Welllllllll, Uh-No! I said embarrassingly. Thank God for the Flex payments, that’s how I got thru my first cleaning and exam. In which was going to cost me a whopping 5,000 dollars overall, Because the perfect teeth I thought all these years that I had, were not so perfect after all – the shame of them, the shame of ME!!

By the time I left the dentist office that day, they gave me a LONGGGGGGG Santa Claus list of things that would have to be done to my mouth, including a root canal!!!! And a list of dental insurances that they recommend I get. Although I had Flex, it wasn’t nearly enough on there to cover the expenses. I was up a creek without a paddle for sure. However, it was the middle of summer and open enrollment is not until October soooo, I decided to put a cork in it, stay away from the starbursts…lol. And wait it out.

How about you? Have you had any dental history issues, problems or stories?

So, as we all know – Halloween is next week and I don’t know about you but I love a little candy and I’m not going to sit here and say that I won’t have a piece or two or ten…lol

Listed below are just a couple of tips for keeping those pearly whites clean not just on the outside but the inside as well.

  • Brush your teeth regularly – twice a day with fluoride toothpaste, especially after sugary foods and drinks. Sugar sitting on your teeth without being brushed off can lead to cavities.
  • Floss between your teeth – flossing, while it may seem old-fashioned is actually good and helps prevent gum disease. Brushing only gets part of the particles off of our teeth, Flossing helps get the hard to reach food in between your teeth that brushing misses.
  • Regular check-ups and cleanings are a must! – I didn’t realize this until I had my first “adult” visit. Regular visits can help discover things going on with your teeth that may not show up on the outside. Regular cleaning is also great in keeping your gums in check.
  • Mouthwash Anyone? – I hate the alcohol-based washes as they make my mouth feel as though I poured gasoline in it and lit a match. Too graphic, I’m sure. But mouthwash is good to rinse out any leftover particles from a meal that brushing and flossing may have missed, plus who doesn’t like good smelling breath.

Well, there you have it – that’s my story and my tips. Hopefully, you’ve had a better experience and word to the wise? – Please keep your dental insurance active!! You really “WILL” need it someday =)

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“LOOK UP, LOOK AROUND AND LOOK WITHIN, BECAUSE THERE REALLY IS POSITIVITY IN EVERYTHING” – BY YOURS TRULY

 

And now for your weekly Announcements! 

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Billy Wolf & The Kids Of Heavenly Hills Elementary is Available NOW! A faith-based book about bullying and how using our voice can really make a difference. But, hey – Bullies have secrets too. Order Your Copy Today!

“Very detailed, my daughter read it and loved it as well!! This is very much needed in today’s world!! God bless you!!” Kresha W. 

Will your Review be the Next Featured?

Did you miss the podcast about the book? – Listen to it here >>>>>> Episode 9 

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“Billy Wolf & The Kids of Heavenly Hills Elementary”

NOW AVAILABLE THROUGH THESE MAJOR ONLINE BOOK OUTLETS

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EnSpired: The Day In The Life of A Dog Sitter by Guest Blogger – Amy Temple

The photo above some photos below courtesy of pexels and bing

I have been self-employed in the dog care field for 12 years.

In other words, I’m a dog sitter… and I love it!

I love dogs, period!

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Those stories you hear about abused dogs being rescued just breaks my heart and really, really ticks me off! I think anyone who mistreats a dog should face a firing squad!

But I digress.

I basically fell into this type of work shortly after moving to Orlando back in 2006. I had moved into a retirement community with my parents and was looking for a part-time job.

I was hired by a woman who had a 2-year-old Boston Terrier who I will just call “O”, for privacy reasons. Five days a week, I stayed for an hour or more and walked, played and sometimes fed her.  Sometimes I would come over on Sundays.

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She and I would go for long walks around the community.

As she got older, I cut the walks short just to the grassy areas near the clubhouse and office, pushing her there in a doggie stroller.  Afterward, I took her for what I would call “buggy rides” around the community.

Over the next several years, I got more clients but “O” was my main charge. I’ve had dogs of my own but I must confess, I came to love “O” as if she were all mine.

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Bing/Boston terrier

And she’s not the only one. I’ve come to care deeply for all my charges over the years.

Sadly,  “O” died in June from pancreatic issues which she’d been dealing with for quite some time. I admit, I cried. I cried hard…

However, I don’t call that the downside of dog-sitting.

That’s actually one of the best parts of the job, I think.

Not only do I get to spend time outside but I get to spend time with one of God’s most beautiful creatures. I find it very rewarding and quite frankly, I don’t see myself – nor do I want – to see myself doing anything else.

Yes, it’s a dirty job, literally…

I’ve picked up a dog who has walked through rain and mud puddles.

I’ve had a dog vomit on me, andddddddd

I’ve had to pick up messy #2’s….yep! somebody’s got to do it.

Right now, I’m currently healing from several dog bites on my fingers from a 4-month-old puppy I just started sitting with about two weeks ago.

I must confess, I haven’t had to deal with a puppy since my own dog was one eight years ago so I’ve had to do a lot of reading online to remind myself!

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I’m glad the 9 to 5 job community rejected me because I believe if I had been successful in finding a regular job, I would’ve missed my calling to be a dog-sitter.

Now, I can only imagine what some of you might be thinking.

Do I honestly think that my purpose in life, is to get down and dirty basically every single day with these wonderful dogs?  Coming home, smelling like God knows what?

Yep. Actually, I do.

But, you won’t make a whole lot of money, in doing that. I could hear someone say.

Well………soooooo

What’s your point??

 

 

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Amy is a resident of Florida.  Since 2006, she has been self-employed in the dog care field.  In May 2017, she self-published a memoir titled “I Am Not Stupid” which is available through Amazon.  She writes for seethegoodinfo, an inspirational website and the Learning Disabilities Association’s newsletter LD Source.

 

 

 

 

 

guest blog alert

If you would like to be a guest blogger on this blog – please email me (RoshondaB =) at justsuminspiration@gmail.com for submission guidelines.