photo source above and below courtesy of bing/dating
This post topic was submitted by my online little sister Driftyness . Drifty is an ambitious, loving, passionate and faith filled young lady. She’s a grad student, who’s also a phenomenal writer. She blogs about goals, life, school and little golden nuggets that will have you giving more thought about your own journey. Give her blog some love and I promise you’ll get some back in return.
So, if you’re a Christian man or woman and you saw the title – I’m sure you’re here because you want to know the right way to date as a Christian single or maybe you’re not and just curious. Then again, maybe you’re already in a Christian relationship and want some extra pointers or a sign if the “one” you’re with is really the “one” you’re supposed to be with.
Well, let me tell you – I DON’T KNOW EITHER!!!! LOL…
No, seriously – I don’t have all the answers as everyone’s “Christian dating” experience is different and I’m sure everyone has their own suggestions and pointers about it, however; I want to give you my two cents on the matter from my experiences with “attempting” the Christian dating scene.
As a Christian woman, when I dated a non-Christian; I gave into sexual desires and did things contrary to my “Christian” beliefs all because I wanted to be in a relationship – it’s not like the guys were bad; they just didn’t share by desire for wanting to live “Gods” way and who can blame them, I didn’t give them any ultimatums and when I did, they didn’t take me seriously. Why listen, when I was doing what they expected the non-Christian girls to do. I remember a time when Christian girls were held at a standard for not doing certain things, either that or being labeled as “The HOT Girls Gone Wild” – LOL.
Related Topic: “Ladies, 5 Things you must give up to get the Man of Your Dreams”
Either way, to sum it all up – Christian dating can be complicated, it just depends on the individual anddddddddddd their Relationship with the Man Up Stairs….because in all honesty that’s the foundation of any Christian dating relationship – if it’s not, then you’re not Christian dating. The word Christian means “Christlike” so that means that if you’re a dating Christian; then your dating or courting I should say (I’ll get into that breakdown later), should be based on the principals of God’s word and therefore should be carried out as such.
“One of the most deceptive tricks of the enemy is to make you feel comfortable with being out of order” Apostle Anthony Daniels
Trust me, there’s nothing wrong with a Christian going out on a date and I encourage it as I believe God wants us to date but it has to be done right. Listed below are my experience tips for making sure your Christian dating experience is one that will bring honor to God and his kingdom and not yourself!
First Things First, What’s Your Relationship with God Like – (Are you whole?)
The first thing I would advise anyone to do and I’ve said it before, is to find out who you are, discover your identity first. Working on you is an inside/out job – no man or woman can help you do that. While it’s easy to fix up our outside and look great to a desiring eye, if our insides are like London bridge falling down, then you’re already entering the relationships backwards. If you’ve had some childhood issues, self-esteem/worth/image difficulties or the victim of a bad breakup/marriage; please make sure those issues are dealt with before moving into a new relationship; even if you have to get counseling. You should also pray, which is first and foremost and ask God to show you the dilemma’s you may need to work on before entering a new relationship.
Are they really a Christian?? (With My Side Eye), You Betta Watch Em!!
After you’ve gotten yourself together and begin to date as a Christian – please make sure that man or woman is really a Christian. These days, any and everyone is claiming to be one. Just because they go to church, doesn’t mean that God is on the inside of them. I’ve watched many men and women – hold titles, shout and speak in tongues right in the church; only to leave out and live the way they want to until Sunday morning rolls around again. It’s not what a person does at church that matter, it’s how they conduct themselves behind closed doors after church is over – that’s their real character and that’s the person you need to get to know before you go further into dating them.
Dating & Courting – What’s The Difference?
Yes, I said courting…lol.
I know that term sounds like something that came straight out of the 1940’s and 50’s but courting was what Christians used to do back in the day. Courting is Intentional and purposeful dating, it’s God centered and ends in marriage. When a man and woman are courting, that means that their intentions are to get married; every decision will be God based and any sexual behavior will be kept until marriage. Courting = Stability, Long-term goals.
Dating on the other hand is eventful and pleasureful – it usually ends with another date and it comes with hormonal challenges. It’s best that you decide or tell a guy or woman up front what your intentions are. In other words, if you’re looking to get married – then you need to let that person know that, so your conversations could be based on “future” endeavors. However, if you’re looking just to date then that could last forever and most times the word “marriage” will not pop up until one of you are ready, if ever. Dating = Up in the air, short term or long term, but no guarantees of a marriage commitment.
Your Values vs. Your Desires
What do you really want – If you really want to serve God and do what’s right in his sight, then Christian dating according to the word of God will be your main focus and something that you won’t settle on when it comes to a partner. I’ve made the mistake many times of forsaking God’s law for Roshonda’s desires and always ended up broken, disappointed and unworthy in his sight. When it comes to dating as a Christian, you have to decide what’s more important your values or your desires.
If you walk after the flesh, you’ll fulfill the desires of the flesh – but if you walk after the spirit, you’ll fulfill the desires of the spirit. (Galatians 5:16-17)
Don’t Settle – For the First One (Unless you want too!)
Look, just because he said God said you’re the one – doesn’t mean you have to STOP/SETTLE with him. Remember, you have a choice in the matter too – the choice to say NEXT!!! I remember when I was 16, I dated a guy in church – he told me God said that I was his wife and I settled with that – not thinking that I could pass him up because “GOD” said it, but chile – when I think about it today? God never confirmed in my spirit that he was my husband, I didn’t necessarily like his character and our spirits didn’t agree. He was arrogant, dominating and down right a mama’s boy and he didn’t know how to lead a dog less known a WIFE!! Needless to say, God confirmed he wasn’t mine by allowing him to marry someone else – PRAISE YE THE LORT!!! But if you feel like God has spoken to you in regards to your partner, then by all means keep the faith, BUT! if you have any doubts? just say, NEXTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!! Trust me, God won’t be mad at cha!! LOL..
How to Really Know He or She’s the One – Your Secret Weapon…Shhh!!
Okay, so this is something that I told God and God only! I told God two secrets about my next mate. These are things that only God knows and when my mate comes along, I’ll know if it’s him or not because I told God that’s how I want him to confirm with me that he’s the one. I said that to say, while we’re told to write down everything we want in a man or woman and put it in the bible, we also share those things with our BFF’s. I’m a firm believer that the enemy can read; he already gets an ear full when we talk about our desires aloud with others. I challenge you to keep two or three things to yourself and tell no one but God about it, so when your mate does come along and if their from God? He’ll confirm it by what you told him and him only – No one else!
So, now it’s your turn! Do you have any questions in regards to Christian Dating?, I didn’t put everything up here as I didn’t want to bore you with the reading, but please leave questions, comments and suggestions…in the comment section below.
I want to give a Sweet shout out to my sis, Driftyness for this topic! I love you girl, thanks for following, reading, and commenting, I always look forward to them. You inspire Me! XOXO
I have one more topic that was submitted by Understand546 entitled “My Favorite Childhood Memory” you can see that right here on Saturday! I thought I’d go out with a bang for the last topic by doing a YTube video! It’s my first one so please be forgiving. You’ll also get a chance to catch up on any topic you missed!
See ya in the Blogs at 12pm on Saturday!!!
Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager
7 thoughts on “The Dating Game – Christian Style”
Go you! This was a wonderfully honest and open post. Yasss, keep some things for yourself and you will KNOW who will appreciate it.
That’s right girl!! can’t spill all the beans…lol. Thanks for reading and commenting, I appreciate it. xoxo
Yay! So happy to read this post, I think I needed it.
“While it’s easy to fix up our outside and look great to a desiring eye, if our insides are like London bridge falling down, then you’re already entering the relationships backwards. If you’ve had some childhood issues, self-esteem/worth/image difficulties or the victim of a bad breakup/marriage; please make sure those issues are dealt with before moving into a new relationship; even if you have to get counseling. You should also pray, which is first and foremost and ask God to show you the dilemma’s you may need to work on before entering a new relationship.”
This is excellent and much needed advice. I’d been joking to myself that dating is like psychotherapy because of all the things it’s dragged out of me. All those old insecurities I thought I’d dealt with or grew up out of are reminding me they’re still there. I’m going to start counselling because I realize I need help dealing with them if I want to stop getting in my own way.
That reminder to pray is also excellent advice, and it made me realize that it’s something I need to do much more of. Now that I’ve read this post, I realized I’ve been dating, and while I take it kinda seriously, I haven’t looked at any of the guys I’ve dated as a big deal. So it didn’t really cross my mind to pray about it, but prayer is something we should do for both big and (seemingly) small things. Thank you so much for writing this, and for such a kind shoutout.
Hey Sis! Wow!! – To God be the Glory, I can’t take credit for anything I write (sometimes it slips my mind because I be so eager to write – but I pray everytime I do) I really appreciate your words and glad that you’re going to start counseling! I definitely had to see one myself at one time. I know people shun away from it, but it’s really good for you because there’s just some things we can’t pray away and God put them in the world for a reason. Pray before you go and ask God to lead and guide you to the right one and go from there Sis. Yessss, I realized that I was just dating too when I was doing it, now my mindset is on something more intentional. Yes, the bible tells us to pray without ceasing (stopping) – Man ought to always pray and not faint…..so yes, we must do this all the time. You’re welcome about the shoutout! It was an honor and a pleasure to do it. Love ya Sis and keep me posted on how the counseling goes – if you don’t write about it (wink). xoxo
Yes and yes again! Great read and tips. Especially keeping somethings to yourself for future confirmation of the one. 😉 Great job ladies!
Thanks Sis! Yes, we gotta keep some things to ourselves. I appreciate you for reading and commenting. xoxo