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EnSpired: Science Says “Curvy Women Make Men Happier in Marriage. FOR REAL!?!

Published on July 31, 2018April 18, 2019 by Roshonda B3 Comments

photo above courtesy of pinterest/ Photography: @kendralynece | Dress: @tailormadebridal #prettypearbride

Okayyyyy….so I got just a little wee bit excited when my friend Deborah sent me a link to a post entitled “Science Says That Men Who Marry Curvy, Plus Size Women Are Happier!” I wanted to put the WHOLE title out there so you can see for yourself that I’m not “making this up”. While I wonder about science sometimes and their other questionable predictions. I was quite taken back by this statement, so you know I couldn’t wait to read it as my curiosity heightened and I instantly went into Gary Coleman mode asking —- “What you talking bout Science!”

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The Dating Game – Christian Style

Published on June 28, 2018 by 7 Comments

photo source above and below courtesy of bing/dating

This post topic was submitted by my online little sister Driftyness . Drifty is an ambitious, loving, passionate and faith filled young lady. She’s a grad student, who’s also a phenomenal writer. She blogs about goals, life, school and little golden nuggets that will have you giving more thought about your own journey. Give her blog some love and I promise you’ll get some back in return.

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Sunday’s Thought: Why does the Right thing, Feel like the Wrong Thing?!

Published on June 3, 2018 by 8 Comments

photo credit above: bing/relationships

A couple of years ago, I suffered an emotional break-up; I knew the day was coming over prior to, but when it finally arrived, I had the hardest time dealing with it.

“Have you ever felt like you’ve outgrown a relationship? Or Felt like you wanted to go in a different direction than where they wanted to go?”

Usually when I have these feelings, I suffer through and stay with the relationship only to be dissatisfied and miserable later. It’s like I know what I want – I just have a hard time communicating that to a man (mainly) because I don’t want to hurt their feelings or there’s a lack of self-esteem on my part in thinking that I either can’t, nor deserve anyone better – so I usually settle for the first flight going South with the many detours and layovers, feeling that it’s MANDATORY for me to deal with something that I actually have the power to say “NO” to – But too afraid to say it.

Related Topic: Here Comes The Builder

When I got into the relationship, I was at a low place in my life – My self-esteem was shot and I felt as though there was no hope in the world; I literally felt like life had come to a complete stop for me as if I was at the train station waiting on the next train but kept missing the “Now Boarding” signal.

Why did I get with someone whom has to totally depend on others for complete care? Why did I say “Yes” we can date to someone whom can’t really help me out? Once I came to my senses that I deserved better (and this was hard to do, because I never thought of myself as wanting or needing something better) as I always became comfortable with the scraps of life. I finally got the courage one day to tell him “NO” & while that was liberating and I knew what I wanted and the reason why we didn’t need to be together – My emotions took over while we were apart and I found myself going through what I call “The Relationship Detox”

Relationship Detox is just like a Detox program (whether it’s drug related, a weight issue or something else) Detox, is a way of ridding your body of the bad toxins that you put in it. When a person decides to go through Detox – everything is fine in the beginning, as they’ve accepted the terms and conditions of what they will be going through in the process and for that moment. Feelings of confidence and energy rushes through your body and you begin to think, this is going to be a piece of cake, but that feeling quickly wears off once the Detox begins and suddenly that thing you felt like you could do without – slowly creeps in and makes you regret giving it up in the first place.

It’s almost like your brain stays on REPEAT, constantly playing all the “good” moments of the relationship, you stay there with your popcorn and soda and watch ALL the good times you’ve shared, all the laughter, the pictures, the cards given, the hugs, the many I LOVE YOU’s and the smiles you had; which makes DETOX that much more difficult to go through ….but then you accidentally hit the fast-forward button and see all the bad times, the hard times, the crying, the misunderstandings and all the chaos and craziness that got you to this point. Although the brain wants us to stay on the good times, we have to come to grips with moving on and potentially starting over without them.

Although I knew it was the right thing to do, I still questioned myself daily on if I really made the right decision at all and began to second guess my actions:

Maybe things weren’t that bad.
Maybe I was totally over-reacting about the relationship and really need him.
What if there is no one else out there for me and he really was the one and I pushed him away.
I still want to call him, should I or shouldn’t I. How would that make me look.
Did I really Love him?, If so then why am I here and he’s way over there.

Questions, Questions, Questions – we will always have many questions regarding our actions, but you have to stay true to who you are, what you want and what type of relationship you want. I can tell you what you don’t want and that’s to RELAPSE! – relapse pushes us 50ft back and most times depending on the situation, doesn’t guarantee a successful ending which can be detrimental to your health, mind, body & soul. That’s where God has to step in; for the enemy doesn’t want you to succeed; he wants to keep us stagnated. While our heads are in the clouds; he’s constantly robbing us blind of our JOY, HOPE & SELF-WORTH. If he can get you to keep your mind on carnal things – you’ve not only given him an inch; but the whole mile to your emotions.

While things in our life may feel wrong – It could actually be the right thing; my suggestion is to pray about everything because the enemy is busy and would love nothing more but for you to “relapse” – while detoxing may not feel good; it doesn’t last forever. A lot of times, it’s not that people are bad; it’s just that they are not the right puzzle piece for you, sort of like that piece of the puzzle that looks like it fits into the puzzle space because it looks like the same shape but when you go to place it in that slot, it doesn’t fit – so you try to squeeze it in and make it fit anyway.

Our emotions, while good in some instances – can lead us wrong in other circumstances. The bible says in Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and Lean not unto thine own understanding, In ALL thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct thy paths. Notice how ALL is underlined because even through emotional, unsure and testing times – We have to put our total trust in God and know that he has our best interest at heart and will take us through the roller-coaster of Detox.

That relationship was not the right one for me and during that time I had to check into God’s rehab center to redirect my focus on HIM and off of him. If you’re feeling perplexed by a decision, put it in God’s hands – because he has a way of turning that wrong feeling, into a right one.

Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

Tuesday’s Question: What Would You Do, If This Was Your Gift?…

Published on May 1, 2018 by 8 Comments

photo above courtesy of jeau/deviantart

I personally know there have been many instances in my life where I wonder “Hmm, I wonder what I would have done in that situation.”

I loved the show that used to come on, on Friday nights, hosted by John Quinones entitled “What would you Do?” – it was a show in which where they would take random life instances and have them played out in front of people to see “what would they do” on one show I watched this guy and girl were on a date – the girl leaves to go to the ladies room and while gone, the guy slips something into her drink. The goal of the show was to see if anyone would stop the girl from drinking the drink or just look away as if they didn’t see anything at all.

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Who Are These People, And Where Do they Belong in My Life!?

Published on March 22, 2018March 22, 2018 by Roshonda B16 Comments

photo above courtesy of bing

What is friendship to you? I mean, No – like really….what is it? Do you know who your true friends are annnndddddddd…are the people you call friends now, do you know their true purpose for being in your life?

I have to say, I was shocked; stunned and a bit perplexed one day when I was thinking of someone, and when I mean someone – I mean someone that I considered a friend…all of a sudden, it was like someone tapped me on the shoulders and said “But why are they your friend?” and if I can be honest and very transparent right now, I had no idea! I mean it’s not like we hung out or even talked on the phone, maybe a text here or there but I soon realized that maybe they didn’t consider me a friend like I was considering them a friend.

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I’ve always been the type of person that instantly deemed everyone as my friend, from a person showing the smallest gesture of kindness, to the person whom maybe took out time to do something nice for me or the person who decided to ask me to lunch or even hang out with them for the day. I immediately created this “Roshonda’s Friend Wand” and magically transformed them from being ordinary to being my friend – no question about it, that’s who they were going to be to me and I to them, or so I thought…..

What dawned on me, was….

Sometimes people are put in our lives for different reasons, case in point – when my mom passed away in 2016. I had people all around me that offered their sympathy, kindness and generosity during that emotional time, in which made me feel as though we were good friends and I graciously added them to my circle – but just because they were kind, doesn’t mean that they were meant to be my friend; God could have just placed them there to be in my corner during a very difficult time in my life, which was meant to be for a season – not an eternity or an happily ever after. .

I can’t tell you how many people I’ve let in my life, to think their my friend only to be heartbroken when things don’t work out all because I was trying to hold on to someone whom was a straight up distraction or whose season in my life was probably meant to be no more than for a month or a second. Another case in point: A long time ago God told me that every guy that came into my life was not meant for me to date, he only allowed them to cross my path for a particular reason. I remember one guy I met, gave me some superior hair tips (no he wasn’t gay, I don’t think..lol) however; I had been asking God about my hair and to lead me to products that at the time, I felt would help, I had been having some issues with thinning edges and the info he gave me was LIFE! and in return, God allowed me to speak some encouraging words to him, words in which he needed in order to get to his next destination, in which was not to walk down the aisle with me, as I had so purposed in my head.

So, you see? God only had him to cross my path for that particular reason, he had sisters whom went through the same thing and therefore his attention to their situation, allowed him to give me some valuable information that I truly needed, now if I had kept him around due to a simple tip, I would have been keeping someone around that was suppose to just drop a tip and go…lol…The thing is; everyone, whether man or woman crosses our paths for different reasons and during particular seasons, it’s up to us to find out the reason for their visit, get what they have for you and move on. (depending on their true purpose)

Now don’t get me wrong, their are some people that come in our lives and they are meant to “sit for a spell” if you get my drift, who knows – they may even be with you for the long haul (until death do you part)….you never know.

However; don’t be afraid to ask God about your circle in which can be a double-edged sword because in reality we all want friends, we all want people we can hang out with, we all want people to love us and we all want to have this girl or this guy group but in the end who are they? Are these people adding value to your life….or are they draining you dry of your emotions, time, love and space. Remember, you invited them and as long as that door is opened; you’ll keep inviting people whom really have no purpose for your life – AT ALL! and it’s not that these individuals are bad it’s just that their job fulfillment in your life has expired. (Sort of like keeping old food in the fridge after the due date, if it consistently stays in there and is not removed; it’s going to cause the fridge to stink and soon it’s pollution, will cause the other food to expire quicker than it would have or add a terrible smell to it; this is what happens when you keep “seasonal people only” in your life for too long)

My Two Pennies on the matter?: Ask God about people and their dealings in your life, why are they there and what is their purpose, you’ll be surprised that the people who’s in your life was probably only supposed to be there for a short period of time and If not inquired about, these individuals could halt us from moving forward into the destiny that God has pre-planned for our future. No worries, you’ll come across others and this time one may come across that’s meant to stay forever.