Sunday’s Thought: Why does the Right thing, Feel like the Wrong Thing?!

photo credit above: bing/relationships

A couple of years ago, I suffered an emotional break-up; I knew the day was coming over prior to, but when it finally arrived, I had the hardest time dealing with it.

“Have you ever felt like you’ve outgrown a relationship? Or Felt like you wanted to go in a different direction than where they wanted to go?”

Usually when I have these feelings, I suffer through and stay with the relationship only to be dissatisfied and miserable later. It’s like I know what I want – I just have a hard time communicating that to a man (mainly) because I don’t want to hurt their feelings or there’s a lack of self-esteem on my part in thinking that I either can’t, nor deserve anyone better – so I usually settle for the first flight going South with the many detours and layovers, feeling that it’s MANDATORY for me to deal with something that I actually have the power to say “NO” to – But too afraid to say it.

Related Topic: Here Comes The Builder 

When I got into the relationship, I was at a low place in my life – My self-esteem was shot and I felt as though there was no hope in the world; I literally felt like life had come to a complete stop for me as if I was at the train station waiting on the next train but kept missing the “Now Boarding” signal.

missed-train

Why did I get with someone whom has to totally depend on others for complete care? Why did I say “Yes” we can date to someone whom can’t really help me out? Once I came to my senses that I deserved better (and this was hard to do, because I never thought of myself as wanting or needing something better) as I always became comfortable with the scraps of life. I finally got the courage one day to tell him “NO” & while that was liberating and I knew what I wanted and the reason why we didn’t need to be together – My emotions took over while we were apart and I found myself going through what I call “The Relationship Detox”

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Relationship Detox is just like a Detox program (whether it’s drug related, a weight issue or something else) Detox, is a way of ridding your body of the bad toxins that you put in it. When a person decides to go through Detox – everything is fine in the beginning, as they’ve accepted the terms and conditions of what they will be going through in the process and for that moment. Feelings of confidence and energy rushes through your body and you begin to think, this is going to be a piece of cake, but that feeling quickly wears off once the Detox begins and suddenly that thing you felt like you could do without – slowly creeps in and makes you regret giving it up in the first place.

It’s almost like your brain stays on REPEAT, constantly playing all the “good” moments of the relationship, you stay there with your popcorn and soda and watch ALL the good times you’ve shared, all the laughter, the pictures, the cards given, the hugs, the many I LOVE YOU’s and the smiles you had; which makes DETOX that much more difficult to go through ….but then you accidentally hit the fast-forward button and see all the bad times, the hard times, the crying, the misunderstandings and all the chaos and craziness that got you to this point. Although the brain wants us to stay on the good times, we have to come to grips with moving on and potentially starting over without them.

Although I knew it was the right thing to do, I still questioned myself daily on if I really made the right decision at all and began to second guess my actions:

  • Maybe things weren’t that bad.

  • Maybe I was totally over-reacting about the relationship and really need him.

  • What if there is no one else out there for me and he really was the one and I pushed him away.

  • I still want to call him, should I or shouldn’t I. How would that make me look.

  • Did I really Love him?, If so then why am I here and he’s way over there.

Questions, Questions, Questions – we will always have many questions regarding our actions, but you have to stay true to who you are, what you want and what type of relationship you want. I can tell you what you don’t want and that’s to RELAPSE! – relapse pushes us 50ft back and most times depending on the situation, doesn’t guarantee a successful ending which can be detrimental to your health, mind, body & soul. Wrong Feels RightThat’s where God has to step in; for the enemy doesn’t want you to succeed; he wants to keep us stagnated. While our heads are in the clouds; he’s constantly robbing us blind of our JOY, HOPE & SELF-WORTH. If he can get you to keep your mind on carnal things – you’ve not only given him an inch; but the whole mile to your emotions.

While things in our life may feel wrong – It could actually be the right thing; my suggestion is to pray about everything because the enemy is busy and would love nothing more but for you to “relapse” – while detoxing may not feel good; it doesn’t last forever. A lot of times, it’s not that people are bad; it’s just that they are not the right puzzle piece for you, sort of like that piece of the puzzle that looks like it fits into the puzzle space because it looks like the same shape but when you go to place it in that slot, it doesn’t fit – so you try to squeeze it in and make it fit anyway.

Our emotions, while good in some instances – can lead us wrong in other circumstances. The bible says in Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and Lean not unto thine own understanding, In ALL thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct thy paths. Notice how ALL is underlined because even through emotional, unsure and testing times – We have to put our total trust in God and know that he has our best interest at heart and will take us through the roller-coaster of Detox.

That relationship was not the right one for me and during that time I had to check into God’s rehab center to redirect my focus on HIM and off of him. If you’re feeling perplexed by a decision, put it in God’s hands – because he has a way of turning that wrong feeling, into a right one.

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Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

 

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Trials & Hope – Hope In Trials…

photo source: patheos/blogs/jeffandalyssa

This topic was submitted by fellow inspirational blogger Rejoicing in Hope (RIH) –if you need a pick me up or a dose of encouragement and hope or if you have questions about God and his existence or maybe you want to know, if he loves you, trust me, you’ll find what you need and those answers or her page. She’s amazing and so is her blog – she also talks about other things in which I think you’ll find interesting, so check her out! 

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The dictionary says that HOPE:

Continue reading “Trials & Hope – Hope In Trials…”

#Sunday’s Thought: My Time vs. HIS Time

Okay, so first let me start off by saying – this is definitely not a post to make anyone feel bad about their current “God” status because we all have fallen, made mistakes, still trying to get it together and so forth, however; there might be a couple of tips within the post that could help you pencil God in on your daily schedule….so, let’s go….

Now I know it sounds funny to say “We have to pencil God In” – because in reality I guess we really shouldn’t have to do that or feel as though that’s an awkward comment to say about the “creator of the universe” but unless you’re totally unplugged from the world and the things that are going on in it, then finding a time to pencil God into your busy day, doesn’t sound so bad at all. Let’s face it, we’re all busy and have a ton of things going on as well as a whole bunch of appointments to keep in mind that we all have to make it too.

Sometimes life for me can get so busy with the everyday mundane until all I can do most days is give God a quick “Thank you Lord” in the morning while rushing out the door or going down the highway to work or gym class. I always propose to spend time with him at night, but by the time I get home from a long day – cook, clean, sign a bunch of papers from school, entertain my kids conversations and check homework it’s already 9pm! I get in the bed with every intention on at least reading a scripture but always get stung by that sleep bug…..every….single….time…

Girl sleep with bible

Soon, something had to give – It’s not like I don’t realize how important God is in my life and yes, I do love him but….I just couldn’t find the right time in the day to spend the most valuable time with him, outside of going to sleep or having any and every other busy thing to get in the way. I never had a problem with making time with friends whom wanted to do lunch or even going to the gym; I even make time every week to have a fun night with my two kids, so what was missing and how come I couldn’t seem to find the time to do this with God? That’s when I suddenly had an epiphany….I need to put God on a schedule just as I do everything else….I have to be honest though, I really never liked doing that because I always felt like God wouldn’t value my time because it almost felt like I was “giving” him a specific time with every other busy thing in my life but I knew that if I wanted to get that time in with him, I had to come up with a solution to get it done.

So, listed below are a couple of tips that I use to get that valuable time In:

 

1. Set A Good Time:

Set a time aside for God when you’re energetic and energized. This totally depends on the time of day, some people are morning people and some are night owls – choose which time of day works best for you and stick with it. My time of day is the early morning hours (4:30am – 6:30am) because that’s when I know I can give God my best.

2. Have An Agenda

Plan your work and work your plan! You want to have a set system when you go into God’s presence, I’ll elaborate…You wouldn’t enter a boardroom to give a presentation off the top of your head and you sure wouldn’t go into it unprepared, it’s the same way with God, knowing what you’re going to do is great, in other words – will the first 15min be prayer? 15min of worship and the last 30 minutes will be for reading/studying? The last thing you want to do is sit there and pray, only to fall asleep.

3. Don’t Be Selfish – Pick A Topic

Trust me, God already knows your need, desires and wants and yes, it’s good to share those things with him but you don’t want your whole time to be about YOU! Think of the many things that are going on in the world today, pick a topic to pray for and focus on it, you don’t want to get overwhelmed with all the concerns of the world. God may lead you to pray for the sick children and their parents whom are in the hospital at this time, so allow that to be your prayer focus. You might have a different topic the following day.

4. Turn Off all Devices

In this tech savvy world, I know that’s a difficult thing to do in most cases but hey, look at it this way – if you were eating dinner with one of your favorite celebrities and it was a once-in-a lifetime opportunity that you were only going to get once; would you be on the phone talking, tweeting or so forth? Just as we give our time and attention to people we feel like have value, that’s the same attitude we must have for God. I once told my Sunday School class that Jesus was actually the first celebrity to grace the earth = )

5. Start Small and Work Up!

I think the number one thing that trips people up is the fact that they feel like they have to spend an hour to 15 hours with God; let me tell you – it doesn’t take all that and it’s not necessary. Think of the widow woman in the bible (Mark 12:41-44) that only had two cents to give to God, while every rich person came around and was giving out of their wealth, she gave what she had – which was from the heart. Her two cents became more valuable than those that put in much. It’s okay, you may not can do an hour or two and don’t be intimidated by people whom tell you that, that’s what they do – Do you and do it from the heart because that’s what God judges anyway…the more time you spend with God, the more you’ll enjoy it and increase your own time.

To Sum it Up! Whatever you do, you want to make sure you give God your best YOU which is your offering to him…did you know that the book of Malachi was about this very thing?, For years I always thought Malachi was about tithes and offering because the only scripture I ever heard and read from Malachi was (bring your tithes and offering into the store house) in which is a preachers delight message…wink, wink..lol…

While in church one day my pastor made it known that Malachi was more than about tithes and offering it was about people and their dealings with God and their “not so good” sacrifices they presented to God – Malachi 1:6-14. These people were presenting anything on the altar to God – from blind animals, to ones that were crippled and diseased – I mean, would you fix a bad dinner for a royal and expect them to eat it? I think not, we would go out of our way to make sure they get the best of the best, even if it cost us our last…why? because as a people we are more eager to please people we don’t know and don’t have our best interest at heart as opposed to someone who does and that is God.

Do you set time aside for God, When you go before his presence, are you putting your best you on the altar before him? If not, then say this simple prayer…

God, forgive me for not giving you a part of my day. You deserve more than the scraps of my life. You deserve more than the crumbs that I throw at you. You deserve ALL of me. My mind, body, spirit but mostly MY TIME belong to you! Help me to give place to you before I give that time and space to anyone else. Amen

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Because, You Make Time For The Things You Love ❤️❤️

 

Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

Sunday’s Thought: Did He Just Stand Me Up?? Part 2

photo above courtesy of bing

My mom used to always tell us, you always show people your appreciation – she would always give people gifts when she met them for the first time, so I sort of picked that up from her and wanted to do the same for him, I mean after all – if he was paying, the least I could do was show a token of my appreciation by having the tip and a gift. As I pulled up to the restaurant, I noticed that the car he was driving two nights before was not  there yet and it was okay, I mean I was 10min early…

I decided not to sit in the car but to go inside and sit in the lobby and wait on him, in which I felt like should have been pulling up at any time now. As I sat there I watched the various people come in and out of the restaurant all the while piercing my eyes through the glass window to watch the parking lot of any sight of his car. I played on my phone, checked my Instagram – scrolled through a couple of quotes all while keeping an eye on the parking lot.

When I looked at the time, it was 15min after – okay, I said. Maybe he got caught in traffic, overslept or just forgot – I mean, I didn’t have a number to call and check the matter either; so that made things even more annoying. 15min turned into 30, 30min turned into 45, 45min turned into an hour. Soon, the people that walked in before me and/or after me was beginning to come out of the restaurant – each with puzzled looks on their faces as if to say “You’re still here?” in fact, one woman just came out and asked “Weren’t you sitting here when we went in?” Yes, ma’am I said with a fake smile – this whole scenario was beginning to be embarrassing as well as sad.

I began to text my friends and tell them how the guy never showed up, they all were encouraging and thought maybe something happened and maybe he couldn’t get there to tell me. All the while I was thinking “How could a good conversation with someone a couple nights ago, lead to them standing you up?” I couldn’t wrap my head around it – but I began to think about the prayer that I prayed to God. I told one of my friends that maybe this was God’s way of protecting me from something that I didn’t need to get into – I mean, he is omniscient and can see further than our eyes ever will. The only thing I knew was that I didn’t want that day to go wasted; one of my friends wasn’t having it, she love seafood and asked could she be my date for the evening – she literally dropped everything and came. So the day didn’t end bad although I was puzzled and a little sad about how the situation turned out, I knew God had his hand in it and my best interest at heart and I thanked him for keeping me from whatever it was, that I didn’t see. Plus, we ate some good fried fish ya’ll…..lol

A COUPLE DAYS LATER…..

I met up with an acquaintance to help her out with a couple of social media issues, but needed to go to the store….AGAIN!….I started to go before my meeting but thought that I would go after as I didn’t expect us to be long. When I left her, I went to Wal-Mart; once I entered the parking lot I parked in front of this elderly woman whom was on the phone, I quickly glanced her – got out and went into the store.

As I came out of the store and got closer to my car – I heard this woman mumbling something about a guy having friends, there was this child with her – her car was now parked in front of me, I looked at them and proceeded to get into my car,  When I got into the car and put my keys into the ignition, I looked up and low and behold – guess who was sitting in the passenger seat of the car the woman parked in front of me got out of….THE GUY THAT STOOD ME UP! For a moment I paused and started to just leave, but I couldn’t – I got out of the car and just stood there looking at him – he was asleep but as he shuffled around in his seat, his eyes came open and he looked right at me. (He looked like he had just seen Casper the ghost!!)

Two boys frightened by Casper

He gave me this stupid look and grin and got out of the car….”Hey, how you doing” he said. I was still standing there looking at him at this point. Nervously, he was fiddling around like he was looking for a fix….as he headed from the passenger side of the car to the back door of the driver side, he said “Hey, what you doing this weekend; you busy?” Really???? Dude???? Like, I’m the same woman that you stood up this past weekend!! Did he actually think, I was stupid enough to go out with him again to get a double whammy of what he served UP? The Nerve! As he made his way back around to the front of the car, now looking towards the stores door. I asked “What happened to you Saturday?” with his head down and kicking at his shoe to get the packed mud off – he said “Something came up” and literally turned around and walked towards the store….no explanation, no I’m sorry, no nothing….(then had the audacity to look back, Oh……if I had a HUGE ROCK!! the place in which I would aim it!)

rock throwing.gif

While I was in utter SHOCK of his response! In that moment, God showed me what he was ALL about and I was so happy and relieved about that. He didn’t want me to get into a mess and he really did have my best interest at heart all because I chose to place the situation at his feet in the beginning and the WILL it had for my life. It also let me know that I need to stick to my guns and stay single this year as I had proposed in the beginning.

While this was guidance for a relationship for me, you may have issues or things going on in which you need to put on the altar before God and let him make the final decision on if it’s a YES or if it’s a NO! I know it’s hard to let go and ask God about our life especially when we so badly want to steer it in our own direction but let this story be proof that God really does want the best for you. Whether it’s a job, car, house or spouse; let God have the last say……Your pockets, mind, sanity and heart will thank you later.

for-i-know-the-plans-i-have-for-you-declares-the-lord-plans-to-prosper-you-bible-quote

Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

Did you miss Part 1 of this story?, You can read it here

 

This Week

Finish reading the last series of “I Will Wait Until God Says, It’s My Time!” do you think Bernice will finally through in the towel and let God handle it? Or will she keep trying and trying and failing……Check out the ending of this series on Thursday 2/22/18

Sunday’s Thought: The Plan Pusher

photo above courtesy of bing

As I was lying in my bed early Tuesday morning – I began to talk to God about a couple of things. As I laid there, my mind went to the many things that I’ve come up with in regards to the plans that I have for my life. I mean we all have plans, dreams and things that we would like to accomplish but what if those plans don’t align with the plans that God has for us. Most times in my life, when it’s come to the small details concerning my present and future – I’d draw my own blueprint for how I want my life to be orchestrated, not one time consulting God about his thoughts towards my “so-called” ideas.

man pushing rock
How many of “your” plans do you push off on God.

I recently experienced a situation in which my blueprints were all mapped out and I was all geared up into moving forward to start the building process, but no matter which way I tried to go with making those blueprints work; it just didn’t seem to come together in the way “I” wanted them. I mean, I erased and re-wrote them every which way – still, nothing made sense and every mark made seemed to take me right back to square one. As I laid in bed contemplating, it was then that it fell in my spirit “We have to be careful about pushing our plans onto God” – It was obvious the blueprint that I had so diligently put together wasn’t working because it wasn’t what God had intended for me to do or have.

No matter what plans we may have for our lives, we have to realize that in the end – God has the last say and if it’s not apart of his will, then it will not be apart of your life unless you PUSH it to be, in which in that case whatever misfortune you experience from that PUSH, will be on you – not him. The bible says “The blessings of God maketh rich and add no sorrow.” Prov 10:22. We have to have faith and trust the blueprints that God has already drawn out for us, we have to believe God and know that whatever HIS PLANS are, they’ll work out for our good and best interest in the end. Gods plans won’t keep us up at night wondering how we’re going to pay for it and his decisions for our lives will not make us worse off but better in the end.

So, put your blueprints or any orchestrated things you have for your life aside and ask God to give you the blueprints/plans he has for your life. You’ll be very surprised about the layout because FATHER DEFINITELY KNOWS BEST!

Prayer:

Lord, bless me to pay attention so that I’m not pushing my plans and/or blueprints for my life onto yours and forgive me, if I’ve not stayed still long enough to hear the plans you have for my life. I’m listening now God, It’s your will – not my wants.

 

Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

Let’s Live Well, Laugh Loud, Inspire More & Love Harder!