Comedy: Move Over! This Bladder Has To GOOOOO!!

The photo above and all below courtesy of bing

Okay, so yes – as you can see from the title; I just realized last week that not only am I getting older but my body, as much as I try to hide it completely told me the truth on last week. In which made me come to the realization that “Roshonda, you’re getting older girl” No, not that old – but in some months I’m going to be changing the guards and leaving my thirties behind to never return to them again as I move into the town of 40ville. OMGosh, that’s a little painful to say and I do really feel old now that I’m actually typing it out….where did the twenties go and now my thirties are about to say sayonara!

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Chile, let me tell you what my body did – and I’ll tell you the reason why it did this later in the post in which will be a good tip for my fellow twenty and thirty-somethings…

Well, last Tuesday I got off work. For the past couple of days, the news was talking of an impending storm and from the reports; this storm had a potential to be very catastrophic and worse than any other storm we’ve had or seen (170 Billion dollars worser, uh yeah!!). So you know when people hear things of this nature, the stores; gas stations and even the dollar tree is populated by frantic people looking for any and everything to barrel in and hunker down because as Fred Sanford used to say “Oh Lordy, It’s the Big One”

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Well, I’m the type of person where – I don’t get too moved by natural disasters, I mean don’t get me wrong I do take precaution but I can’t say that I take full precaution as the weather man or woman predicts. But, this one did have me a little concerned because when meteorologists come out the gate talking about a category 5. Maybe it’s time to prepare a little, I prayed about it but still wanted to have something at the house just in case things did unfold as predicted.

In a rush to leave out the door, I had to use the bathroom. Now, I know I should have used it before I left but I felt as if I could hold it a while longer and make it to the store to get whatever piece of bread or water was left. Once I got to the store and made my way down the deserted aisles; I knew I had missed the boat on bread as well as water. I had never seen the shelves so bare before, I mean people had to have been trampling in all day getting more than one loaf and a case of water and the store personnel couldn’t tell anyone when the next shipment would come in. So, I grabbed some peanut butter and that’s when it happened. It was like my bladder screamed at me and refused to settle down until I got to the counter to pay for my items.

With every step, I made it was like – torture. You know how it is when you have to use the bathroom so bad; you can’t think, eat or speak until you get to a bathroom! But as much as it was screaming, I was determined to make it to the noodle aisle. So there I am, walking like one of those slow mos from Baywatch through the overcrowded aisles.

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Once I made it to the noodle aisle, I managed to bend down and pick up a box of noodles and head to the self-checkout. Praying all the way there, I made my way, holding on to that peanut butter and noodles tightly as if I dared someone to take it from me…I quickly tried to check out. My bladder was on blast at this time and decided that it wasn’t taking any more of my shenanigans and pressed deeply on my uterus. Now squinting with my legs as tight as I could get them, that didn’t help as I now felt little trickles rolling down my legs –NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY NOWWWWWW….I was thinking to myself and to make matters worse, this woman has seen a clear line and decided to come behind me” I look at her with a nervous grin, all while feeling warmth down my leg “Hi,” she said Oh really, Lady?? – I do NOT have time for small talk, my bladder had decided it wanted to fight me and we were at war!! “You smell good? she proceeded to say.  In which I was thinking to myself – not for longgg. “Ehhhh, thank you? – I said nervously again, as I glanced her way, all while wondering why in the heck is this self-checkout going so slow.

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And, as I finished up and knelt to get my change – My bladder won the fight and there I was peeing on the floor, I just happened to glance over at the self-checkout cashier who was looking me up and down but mostly looking down as I KNOW she saw liquid coming from up under my dress.  shakira_voice_gif_12

I got my change and hurried out of there, to the point of almost knocking someone down and I’m sure leaving drops all along the way. Poor lady behind me!!!!

Why in the world was my bladder so weak??? There was a time I could’ve held off from using the bathroom for hours at a time and now, I can’t go 5min!! Two lessons I learned from this experience, one is for me and the other is for you.

  1. For Me: NEXT TIME, USE THE BATHROOM SILLY!!!!!!!!!!

  2. For You: Please, Please, Please – don’t hold your pee. If you have to use the bathroom, use it immediately. Years of not going to the bathroom when I should’ve has now led to a very weak bladder that obviously can’t perform as efficiently anymore.

  3. If you do tend to leak a little before you get to the bathroom – a pantyliner or pad will help in these cases; to save you from humiliation and embarrassment. 

All of this was soooo embarrassing to talk about but hopefully, this will open your eyes to how neglecting our body when we’re young can lead to not so good results when we get older. Our body is our temple and if we’re good to it, it will definitely be good for us. We only get one and it’s up to us to take the bests care of it.

A well taken care of body now, will not embarrass you later. Take it from me!

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Say, have you read the latest reviews on my book? Billy Wolf & The Kids of Heavenly Hills Elementary” Check this out and oh by the way, not all of these reviewers have small children, meaning this book is for the child as well as the adult!

 

My 9-year old loved this book. When I gave it to her I noticed her actually sitting intently and reading it. She was so engaged! Although it was about bullying, she identified the positive points in the book and the happy ending left her feeling hopeful. Thank you Roshonda for writing a book that speaks to the unfortunate culture our children are living in. I pray this reaches the masses!  Shanae M. Artis, author of “This is NOT my Life! – 10 Steps to Overcoming Fear & Adversity.”

I ordered two copies, one for myself and one for my son to put in his classroom! Yolanda H.

It’s a very inspiring book and that prayer at the end; I felt that all in my SHA-NA-NA! That got me and I’ll be thinking about those words in my everyday life. Erica  – Brown Girl Table Talk (Facebook)

My favorite part was how you explained why Billy became a bully which I think is so important as well as standing up to one. Tracy C.

 

Pick up your copy here today! 

And Don’t forget to leave a review, yours might be the next one featured on a blog post!

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11 thoughts on “Comedy: Move Over! This Bladder Has To GOOOOO!!

    1. Aww! Girl yes – that’s the only way sometimes I can express myself and how I’m truly feeling about something…lol. I see it in my head and sometimes, it takes a minute to find exactly what my head is saying and what I want the image to reflect – if that makes sense. Thanks for noticing that! & for following!! I’ll definitely be checking your page out as well. Much Love! xoxo

    1. LOL. Thanks so much hon. We have to turn life’s embarrassing moments into laughter, right? I appreciate your for reading and commenting. xoxo

    1. Yeah, I was cracking up too once I got over the embarrassment…LOL LOL. Thanks for reading and commenting Sis! xoxo

  1. I read it till the end and I was really sorry for what happened but the way you have honestly provided a great lesson over here is remarkable …We should never neglect our bodies …And the way you write is really captivating …It holds the reader’s interest till the very end

    1. Aww!! Thanks Sis! I appreciate you for doing that. That made my day.

      Yeah, it was totally embarrassing but it’s true, when we neglect our bodies that’s what it do to us! As long as I can turn the embarrassment into a lesson – it’s all good.

      Thanks for reading and commenting, I really appreciate that and YOU!! xoxo

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