The Online Dating Dilemma…

All photo sources including above and below courtesy of bing/onlinedating 

This post topic was submitted by Understand546 a.k.a younghock he’s an amazing, raw, real and tell it like it is poetry writer whose gonna be going to his first live open mic soon! So please go visit his page and show him some mad love, encouragement and support! ❤

You know, I’m going to put it out there because that’s what I’m all about – being transparent, so here goes…………..I’ve been on every online dating site known to man!! In hopes of looking for a MAN! Phew, Okay that felt good to say but way too embarrassing to admit.

I’ve been on Eharmony, Christian Mingle, Match, Plenty Of Fish, Chemistry, Black People Meet and even some call in ones back in the day. Remember when they had ads for singles in the newspapers? Maybe that was before your time….but I’ve even answered a couple of those ads. I even went as far as to reach out to a couple of the eligible “single” everyday bachelors Essence used to display in their magazines. Of course that Essence part was a long, long time ago, but that online dating bid went on up until 2016!

So, you might be asking – Well, Did it work for you? And let me tell ya – NO! It did not. I’ve given up on the online dating blues and truly believe that the next go round for me, will not involve an online hookup, but I have to admit, the commercials are and have been very tempting – There’s always this one couple whose been in a couple of terrible relationships and gave up on love until………they got with Eharmony and etc, found the love of their life, got married and couldn’t be happier:


But, unfortunately – no matter how much those commercials pull at my heart strings; the outcome for me just didn’t happen the way the actors – I mean the “real” people in the commercials detail and I tried! I’ve always tried to mimic other people’s successful dating tricks, habits and stories. If someone stated that they found true love online, I went online and started an account. If someone said that they found true love at the grocery store, pumping gas, at the library, a movie, the gym, a restaurant, out with friends, Facebook or on a blind date – I’ve found myself mimicking that occurrence thinking that maybe, just maybe – It would happen for me that way too. And again, that pesky lie detector test determined: THAT WAS A LIE!!!

Related Topic: Remaining “Sane” In Singleness 

Now, don’t get me wrong – the online dating thingy does work and has worked for quite a few people that I know. My mom met her husband online, they were married for 12 wonderful years until she passed away. I have a friend who met her future beau online, they’ve been together 4 years, he’s now her fiancé’ and soon, she’ll be walking down the aisle to be his wife. I also know quite a few Christian people whom have met their spouses through online dating and are still going strong in marriage, years later.

I actually have a Christian friend who met her now husband of almost 9 yrs. on a Christian dating site; after meeting quite a few men whom presented, let’s just say – not so Godly Christian conversations; she decided to get off the site for good; but before she could hit that deactivate button; her now husband sent her a “wink” and the rest, as you can say was HISTORY! So, I wouldn’t count online dating totally out given the good stories it has produced, but with every good thing comes some not so good things and given my not so good experience with it, I thought I’d offer a couple of tips I learned from my failures that will hopefully work well for you in your dating journey, whether on or offline.


  1. And Knowing is Half the Battle:

The first mistake I made before going online is not being secure with who I was first. I had very low self-esteem and didn’t love myself neither – I was getting online in hopes of finding someone to do that for me. Thing is, when your self-worth is low then you won’t attract someone that’s whole, you’ll be attracting someone that’s half of what you want or need. Remember, you attract what you feel. If you’re broken, then you’re going to attract every broken person out there. So, get yourself in check before you start that profile…

  1. Make a List and Check it Twice

Before you begin a profile online – make a “short list” of things that you’re looking for. Once you get online it can be pretty overwhelming to see all of those pics and profiles of available singles and while the dating sites try to do their best in sending you those “perfect” matches; sometimes they miss the mark. You know how we’re told to make a list of items we want before going to the grocery store and how it’s not wise to go when you’re hungry? That’s the way you need to think when you’re online. You don’t want to pick someone out of desperation and you want to have a list so you’ll stay focused on what you want.

  1. Uh, Yes! I’ll Take a Public Place for $500 Alex?

No matter how much Chemistry you may feel you have with your new “potential” – safety is very important. Let your first meeting be in a public place or plan to do a double date, that way in both cases you’re safe and not alone. I would also plan to get to the place first, that way your blind date will not see your car – if things don’t work out, then you’ll feel somewhat secure in that person not seeing your license plates, sounds strange but you’ll be surprised at the lengths people go through to find out something about you.

  1. Shhh! Don’t Tell Everything…

Don’t spill the beans about your childhood; your elementary school; your family; your job or your kids (if you have any) on a date. Use the earth method – the earth has three layers, the crust (the thinnest layer), the mantle (the hot layer), and the core (the hottest layer). When you’re getting to know someone, you want to start with the thinnest layer in detailing things about you, such as what do you do and some simple things about yourself – you want to do more listening than talking anyway – that way you can listen for any red flags.

  1. Let’s Talk About Sex Baby, or NOT…

As Destiny’s Child once sang No, No, No, No, No – anyone talking about sex and they haven’t even gotten a chance to get to know you, less known get your name down first is a big NEXT!!!! Trust me, if you open this door by talking with them about it – you’ll never get that door closed nor will you know if they’re really interested in you or your body and it’ll be really hard to tell once that door is opened. L.K.I.S.G (Let’s Keep it Simple Girls), any man that’s interested in your body first or want you to send all these body shots of you in tight, revealing clothing – is a BIG RED FLAG!

  1. Don’t Play — Ask Away!

Don’t be afraid to ask questions, now don’t get me wrong – you’re not going to find out everything about a man or woman the first, second nor third date but you do want to find out enough info to figure out if there’ll be a second date, because the last thing anybody wants to do is waste weeks or months of time on someone that shouldn’t have made the cut in the beginning.

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These were just a couple of things that I learned in my online dating experience; hopefully these tips can help you as well. As stated, there’s nothing wrong with online dating; just keep in mind that everyone else’s “romantic” experience may not be the way things will work out for you. In the meantime, I say – enjoy yourself, take your time and let life surprise you with your own love escapade – online or off.

Happy Dating

So, now it’s your turn! Do you have some tips about your online dating experience (good or bad). Leave them in the comment section below…

I want to give a Major, HUGE Shout Out to my friend,  shoutUnderstand546 for this topic! I really appreciate you, thanks for consistently following, always reading, and leaving the most encouraging comments, they’ve kept me going on those dark down days! XOXO â¤ï¸

If you would like to see what next week’s topic will be, tune in next Tuesday between the hours of 2:30pm and 3:00pm on the Justsuminspiration FB page – I may just go live or post a video of me pulling the next topic.


Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager





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7 thoughts on “The Online Dating Dilemma…

  1. Thousands of people are giving up on online dating because the bottom line is it doesn’t work. Kudos to you for sharing your experience through this blog and I hope more people will follow the lead and break the myth.



    1. Alex, My sentiments exactly!! It just doesn’t work for everyone. Thanks for reading and commenting. It made my day! =)


  2. I love that point about the list! Lists aren’t exactly romantic, but they’re so helpful! My mom always taught me to come up with some non-negotiables so I could find someone who was what I wanted. It sounds horrible, but online dating is like a catalogue with endless options – it’s so easy to get distracted by shiny, attractive, nice men who aren’t what we want. Non-negotiables are really important there.

    I think one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is not to take things personally. My experience with online dating is that people are really flaky (including me). We change our minds constantly and lose interest fast. I think we all end up dealing with a fair amount of rejection when we’re dating online and if we take everything personally, we’re going to get hurt and jaded pretty quickly. Not everyone’s going to like us and that’s ok, even though it can hurt. When I get rejected, I think it’s good to feel what I’m feeling and then move on.


    1. Yes, we gotta have those non-negotiables – as you stated they are very important. You’re also right about the online dating experience, we do change our minds and I for one have taken things personally when online, but it’s cool – it just means they weren’t the one. As you stated, it’s best to deal with it and move on. Thanks for reading Sis & Sharing your experience! xoxo


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