The Online Dating Dilemma…

All photo sources including above and below courtesy of bing/onlinedating 

This post topic was submitted by Understand546 a.k.a younghock he’s an amazing, raw, real and tell it like it is poetry writer whose gonna be going to his first live open mic soon! So please go visit his page and show him some mad love, encouragement and support! ❤

You know, I’m going to put it out there because that’s what I’m all about – being transparent, so here goes…………..I’ve been on every online dating site known to man!! In hopes of looking for a MAN! Phew, Okay that felt good to say but way too embarrassing to admit.

I’ve been on Eharmony, Christian Mingle, Match, Plenty Of Fish, Chemistry, Black People Meet and even some call in ones back in the day. Remember when they had ads for singles in the newspapers? Maybe that was before your time….but I’ve even answered a couple of those ads. I even went as far as to reach out to a couple of the eligible “single” everyday bachelors Essence used to display in their magazines. Of course that Essence part was a long, long time ago, but that online dating bid went on up until 2016!

So, you might be asking – Well, Did it work for you? And let me tell ya – NO! It did not. I’ve given up on the online dating blues and truly believe that the next go round for me, will not involve an online hookup, but I have to admit, the commercials are and have been very tempting – There’s always this one couple whose been in a couple of terrible relationships and gave up on love until………they got with Eharmony and etc, found the love of their life, got married and couldn’t be happier:

Photo

But, unfortunately – no matter how much those commercials pull at my heart strings; the outcome for me just didn’t happen the way the actors – I mean the “real” people in the commercials detail and I tried! I’ve always tried to mimic other people’s successful dating tricks, habits and stories. If someone stated that they found true love online, I went online and started an account. If someone said that they found true love at the grocery store, pumping gas, at the library, a movie, the gym, a restaurant, out with friends, Facebook or on a blind date – I’ve found myself mimicking that occurrence thinking that maybe, just maybe – It would happen for me that way too. And again, that pesky lie detector test determined: THAT WAS A LIE!!!

Related Topic: Remaining “Sane” In Singleness 

Now, don’t get me wrong – the online dating thingy does work and has worked for quite a few people that I know. My mom met her husband online, they were married for 12 wonderful years until she passed away. I have a friend who met her future beau online, they’ve been together 4 years, he’s now her fiancé’ and soon, she’ll be walking down the aisle to be his wife. I also know quite a few Christian people whom have met their spouses through online dating and are still going strong in marriage, years later.

I actually have a Christian friend who met her now husband of almost 9 yrs. on a Christian dating site; after meeting quite a few men whom presented, let’s just say – not so Godly Christian conversations; she decided to get off the site for good; but before she could hit that deactivate button; her now husband sent her a “wink” and the rest, as you can say was HISTORY! So, I wouldn’t count online dating totally out given the good stories it has produced, but with every good thing comes some not so good things and given my not so good experience with it, I thought I’d offer a couple of tips I learned from my failures that will hopefully work well for you in your dating journey, whether on or offline.

online-dating-tips

  1. And Knowing is Half the Battle:

The first mistake I made before going online is not being secure with who I was first. I had very low self-esteem and didn’t love myself neither – I was getting online in hopes of finding someone to do that for me. Thing is, when your self-worth is low then you won’t attract someone that’s whole, you’ll be attracting someone that’s half of what you want or need. Remember, you attract what you feel. If you’re broken, then you’re going to attract every broken person out there. So, get yourself in check before you start that profile…

  1. Make a List and Check it Twice

Before you begin a profile online – make a “short list” of things that you’re looking for. Once you get online it can be pretty overwhelming to see all of those pics and profiles of available singles and while the dating sites try to do their best in sending you those “perfect” matches; sometimes they miss the mark. You know how we’re told to make a list of items we want before going to the grocery store and how it’s not wise to go when you’re hungry? That’s the way you need to think when you’re online. You don’t want to pick someone out of desperation and you want to have a list so you’ll stay focused on what you want.

  1. Uh, Yes! I’ll Take a Public Place for $500 Alex?

No matter how much Chemistry you may feel you have with your new “potential” – safety is very important. Let your first meeting be in a public place or plan to do a double date, that way in both cases you’re safe and not alone. I would also plan to get to the place first, that way your blind date will not see your car – if things don’t work out, then you’ll feel somewhat secure in that person not seeing your license plates, sounds strange but you’ll be surprised at the lengths people go through to find out something about you.

  1. Shhh! Don’t Tell Everything…

Don’t spill the beans about your childhood; your elementary school; your family; your job or your kids (if you have any) on a date. Use the earth method – the earth has three layers, the crust (the thinnest layer), the mantle (the hot layer), and the core (the hottest layer). When you’re getting to know someone, you want to start with the thinnest layer in detailing things about you, such as what do you do and some simple things about yourself – you want to do more listening than talking anyway – that way you can listen for any red flags.

  1. Let’s Talk About Sex Baby, or NOT…

As Destiny’s Child once sang No, No, No, No, No – anyone talking about sex and they haven’t even gotten a chance to get to know you, less known get your name down first is a big NEXT!!!! Trust me, if you open this door by talking with them about it – you’ll never get that door closed nor will you know if they’re really interested in you or your body and it’ll be really hard to tell once that door is opened. L.K.I.S.G (Let’s Keep it Simple Girls), any man that’s interested in your body first or want you to send all these body shots of you in tight, revealing clothing – is a BIG RED FLAG!

  1. Don’t Play — Ask Away!

Don’t be afraid to ask questions, now don’t get me wrong – you’re not going to find out everything about a man or woman the first, second nor third date but you do want to find out enough info to figure out if there’ll be a second date, because the last thing anybody wants to do is waste weeks or months of time on someone that shouldn’t have made the cut in the beginning.

In Case You Missed It, This Blog Won An Award!!Top 30! What You Say??

These were just a couple of things that I learned in my online dating experience; hopefully these tips can help you as well. As stated, there’s nothing wrong with online dating; just keep in mind that everyone else’s “romantic” experience may not be the way things will work out for you. In the meantime, I say – enjoy yourself, take your time and let life surprise you with your own love escapade – online or off.

Happy Dating

So, now it’s your turn! Do you have some tips about your online dating experience (good or bad). Leave them in the comment section below…

I want to give a Major, HUGE Shout Out to my friend,  shoutUnderstand546 for this topic! I really appreciate you, thanks for consistently following, always reading, and leaving the most encouraging comments, they’ve kept me going on those dark down days! XOXO â¤ï¸

If you would like to see what next week’s topic will be, tune in next Tuesday between the hours of 2:30pm and 3:00pm on the Justsuminspiration FB page – I may just go live or post a video of me pulling the next topic.

 

Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

 

 

 

 

Feel Free to Follow Me on These Sites5_ (2)

 

Advertisements

Who Are These People, And Where Do they Belong in My Life!?

photo above courtesy of bing

What is friendship to you? I mean, No – like really….what is it? Do you know who your true friends are annnndddddddd…are the people you call friends now, do you know their true purpose for being in your life? Continue reading “Who Are These People, And Where Do they Belong in My Life!?”

I Will Wait, Till God Says “It’s Time!” The Play – Act 2

Photo above courtesy of bing

And the Story Continues1

His car turned out to be a Black Lincoln Navigator with chrome wheels, sunroof and everything I mean it was loaded. Bye, Bye Baby I said as I waved to him. Oh Lord I said to myself “could this be my baby daddy”? I jumped in my car and sped all the way home.

When I got home I hurried up and threw the keys down and called him right away, just as he requested, forgetting all about getting comfortable and everything, the phone rang 5 times before I heard his voice say….

“Hello,” in a whisper.

“Hello, why are you whispering?” I asked.

“Oh my grandmother is sleeping and I don’t want to wake her.”

“Grandmother?” I said.

 “Yes, she’s living here with me; it’s just the two of us.”

(“A man with a home of his own and a great caregiver!)

What more could you ask for. “I thought.”

“That is very sweet Steven, so tell me a little about yourself.”

“What do you want to know?” he asked.

“Well anything, like what are your interest to start.”

“There aren’t many.” he replied.

“Well not even one?” I said.

“Um, can you hold on for a minute.” he said.

I said okay, but I was kind of hesitant, his conversation was great at the gas station and now I can barely get 2 words out of him, almost like he was trying to hurry me off of the phone. Next thing I know I was talking to a woman.

“Who dis is?” She said.

“Who is this?” I stated.

“Katrina, Stevens’s woman, Now your name and why are you calling my man.” she said smartly.                    

(“Oh no this sista didn’t.” I said to myself).

“My name’s Bernice and Steven gave me this number to call him.” I said.

Steven! I heard her say aloud, “Why you have these females calling my place all times of night!!”

(“Females? What?…All times of Night!?!)

Hold Up

(Okay what was going on, and where was Steven I wondered!!)

“Hello.”  She said.

“Uh….Yess.” I said confused.

“Honey I don’t know when or what Steven told you, but he’s off limits, Stevens my man; Shoot, I been waiting on him for 8 years.”

“8 years?” I said.

“Oh, he didn’t tell you? Child Steven was just released from prison two weeks ago.

“What?!!? I said to her.

“Um Hum.” She said profoundly. Honey Steven doesn’t have a pot or a window to throw it out of; he’s living here with me and my grandmother.”

“Your Grandmother!” I said to her.”

“Oh let me guess, he told you she was his grandmother and this was his place?”

“Yes, he really did” I said.

“Child please, Steven is a compulsive liar and a cheat, He has 8 children and 4 of them are by me.” She so proudly made known.

By this time I could not take another line of this drama. I can’t believe it!! I said aloud. Excuse Me? She said. I wanted to ask her “Well why are you with him?” and it slipped out before I knew it. “Honey?, do you know how hard it is to find a man?”

(“Girl please!, yes I do.” I said to myself.)

Girl, I’m so lucky to have Steven, after all he does come home to me every night, so I don’t mind his ways. I suddenly began to think, “Are men really that scarce? Well I will let you go and I do apologize about the misunderstanding.” I told her.

 “Um…Hum, Now you need to lose this number.” she said, and hung up on me!”

Don’t worry its already forgotten sista-girl. I should have known better, I really thought I had hit the jackpot with that one, but apparently not. Thank ya Lord for allowing me not to get entwined in that drama showcase.

You know as I sit here in amazement and confusion I cannot help but think back on all the guys that have come and gone in my life, which brings me to Anthony whom apparently loved using my perfume for some reason. I noticed one morning the smell in the bathroom resembled so closely to my Patti Labelle and I know that I didn’t use her that day myself.

Patti

Low and behold, he came out of the bathroom and as soon as I leaned in to hug him, there Patti was all around his neck…Oh my God, Is that my Patti LaBelle perfume you’re wearing? I asked. Yes, But Baby I didn’t have anything else to put on he suggested, but looked very puzzled as if I should not be asking him about it; like I was not suppose to notice or something. He went to work that day and I had to let him go. Could you imagine me sharing my perfume with him in the mornings? What would it have been next, Hairstyles and nail color?! I don’t even think so.

Then there was Ahmad whom claimed he was a pro-athlete. Yeah right, I never saw him on TV or magazines. Come to find out he meant he was an athlete in high school, which happened to be 12 years ago. Ahmad would say and do anything to lay his greasy, played out, 1984 gone out of style juicy curl head on somebody’s pillow. Ahmad was okay; he just had some life issues and problems, 34yrs old and no job to his name. I supported him for about 3 months, which was 3 months too long.

Ahmad was more like a child in my opinion, every time we went to the store “can you get me this; can you buy me that.” G.I. Joe toys in which I didn’t know still existed, Ken dolls, water guns, bubbles, toy trucks and cars and the list goes on. And food, oh my God, it was always junk; I began to think he never ate a home cooked meal. Chips, Ice cream, cakes, cookies and pies filled the cart and people use to always compliment us on how we made such a nice couple, do you have any children?

Yes, I wanted to reply, he’s standing next to me. Instead I politely smiled and said no, if they only knew. Besides Christmas was approaching and I just wanted someone to spend time with, you know how it gets around that time “LONELY” especially if you are by yourself.

But as quick as Ahmad came into my life that is just how he left, I woke up one morning to find him gone. He left me a little note God bless his heart for the spelling:

Words

He meant “Left gone to live with my mama.” Honey your mama can have ya and good ridings; I can endure spending the holidays alone which is exactly what I did. I have to say though, I was surprised Ahmad didn’t stay for Christmas to get more toys, but maybe his mama was buying him a lot more. After all maybe that is why he loaded up that day at the store, we had already spent Christmas together I just didn’t realize it.  And last but not least there was Kevin, we started off sweet, but ended sour. He left his girlfriend just to be with me, I thought that was so sweet. But I began to notice every time he left the house I would awake to find something missing. First it started with the milk then the cereal, my pots and pans, the box of grits, bacon and then my car? That was a big HALT!!!! . “Sharon needed a ride and my mama needed some food.” He said.

(“Oh no this brotha didn’t.” I thought)

Sharon was his supposedly ex-girlfriend. Come to find out Sharon was 5 months pregnant with his baby and the food he was taking from my house was for her and the baby. But he wanted to continue to live and shop at my house? I don’t think so homeboy, you did the crime now do the time. After he left I got my locks changed just in case he took an extra key out with him, next thing you know I’ll awake one morning to 3 new housemates Kevin, Sharon, and the Baby.

You know? After last weeks date with Robert and the crazy dispute I had with Steven and his girlfriend, you would think I would have learned something and my dating days HISTORY!! But Nooo….here I go again about to go out on another date, probably with someone else’s man, a looser, scrub, or money pincher.

But you know sitting here thinking about all this just made me realize that right now God is the only one I need and want in my life at this present time. So with that in mind there is only one thing to do (picks up phone, dialing her date) Hello, James, Yeah I’m canceling our date tonight, you know what I decided?….

 “I’m going to wait until God says, “It’s MY Time”

 

Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

 

 

Waiting

Still waiting…Patiently, this time.

©Roshonda N. Blackmon, All Rights Reserved 

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval
system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without
prior permission of Roshonda N. Blackmon

Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are fictitious and have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals once involved.