Sunday’s Thought: Did He Just Stand Me Up?? Part 2

photo above courtesy of bing

My mom used to always tell us, you always show people your appreciation – she would always give people gifts when she met them for the first time, so I sort of picked that up from her and wanted to do the same for him, I mean after all – if he was paying, the least I could do was show a token of my appreciation by having the tip and a gift. As I pulled up to the restaurant, I noticed that the car he was driving two nights before was not  there yet and it was okay, I mean I was 10min early…

I decided not to sit in the car but to go inside and sit in the lobby and wait on him, in which I felt like should have been pulling up at any time now. As I sat there I watched the various people come in and out of the restaurant all the while piercing my eyes through the glass window to watch the parking lot of any sight of his car. I played on my phone, checked my Instagram – scrolled through a couple of quotes all while keeping an eye on the parking lot.

When I looked at the time, it was 15min after – okay, I said. Maybe he got caught in traffic, overslept or just forgot – I mean, I didn’t have a number to call and check the matter either; so that made things even more annoying. 15min turned into 30, 30min turned into 45, 45min turned into an hour. Soon, the people that walked in before me and/or after me was beginning to come out of the restaurant – each with puzzled looks on their faces as if to say “You’re still here?” in fact, one woman just came out and asked “Weren’t you sitting here when we went in?” Yes, ma’am I said with a fake smile – this whole scenario was beginning to be embarrassing as well as sad.

I began to text my friends and tell them how the guy never showed up, they all were encouraging and thought maybe something happened and maybe he couldn’t get there to tell me. All the while I was thinking “How could a good conversation with someone a couple nights ago, lead to them standing you up?” I couldn’t wrap my head around it – but I began to think about the prayer that I prayed to God. I told one of my friends that maybe this was God’s way of protecting me from something that I didn’t need to get into – I mean, he is omniscient and can see further than our eyes ever will. The only thing I knew was that I didn’t want that day to go wasted; one of my friends wasn’t having it, she love seafood and asked could she be my date for the evening – she literally dropped everything and came. So the day didn’t end bad although I was puzzled and a little sad about how the situation turned out, I knew God had his hand in it and my best interest at heart and I thanked him for keeping me from whatever it was, that I didn’t see. Plus, we ate some good fried fish ya’ll…..lol

A COUPLE DAYS LATER…..

I met up with an acquaintance to help her out with a couple of social media issues, but needed to go to the store….AGAIN!….I started to go before my meeting but thought that I would go after as I didn’t expect us to be long. When I left her, I went to Wal-Mart; once I entered the parking lot I parked in front of this elderly woman whom was on the phone, I quickly glanced her – got out and went into the store.

As I came out of the store and got closer to my car – I heard this woman mumbling something about a guy having friends, there was this child with her – her car was now parked in front of me, I looked at them and proceeded to get into my car,  When I got into the car and put my keys into the ignition, I looked up and low and behold – guess who was sitting in the passenger seat of the car the woman parked in front of me got out of….THE GUY THAT STOOD ME UP! For a moment I paused and started to just leave, but I couldn’t – I got out of the car and just stood there looking at him – he was asleep but as he shuffled around in his seat, his eyes came open and he looked right at me. (He looked like he had just seen Casper the ghost!!)

Two boys frightened by Casper

He gave me this stupid look and grin and got out of the car….”Hey, how you doing” he said. I was still standing there looking at him at this point. Nervously, he was fiddling around like he was looking for a fix….as he headed from the passenger side of the car to the back door of the driver side, he said “Hey, what you doing this weekend; you busy?” Really???? Dude???? Like, I’m the same woman that you stood up this past weekend!! Did he actually think, I was stupid enough to go out with him again to get a double whammy of what he served UP? The Nerve! As he made his way back around to the front of the car, now looking towards the stores door. I asked “What happened to you Saturday?” with his head down and kicking at his shoe to get the packed mud off – he said “Something came up” and literally turned around and walked towards the store….no explanation, no I’m sorry, no nothing….(then had the audacity to look back, Oh……if I had a HUGE ROCK!! the place in which I would aim it!)

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While I was in utter SHOCK of his response! In that moment, God showed me what he was ALL about and I was so happy and relieved about that. He didn’t want me to get into a mess and he really did have my best interest at heart all because I chose to place the situation at his feet in the beginning and the WILL it had for my life. It also let me know that I need to stick to my guns and stay single this year as I had proposed in the beginning.

While this was guidance for a relationship for me, you may have issues or things going on in which you need to put on the altar before God and let him make the final decision on if it’s a YES or if it’s a NO! I know it’s hard to let go and ask God about our life especially when we so badly want to steer it in our own direction but let this story be proof that God really does want the best for you. Whether it’s a job, car, house or spouse; let God have the last say……Your pockets, mind, sanity and heart will thank you later.

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Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

Did you miss Part 1 of this story?, You can read it here

 

This Week

Finish reading the last series of “I Will Wait Until God Says, It’s My Time!” do you think Bernice will finally through in the towel and let God handle it? Or will she keep trying and trying and failing……Check out the ending of this series on Thursday 2/22/18

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I Will Wait, Till God Says “It’s Time!” The Play – Act 1

Photo above courtesy of bing 

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So one might would deem me as being an around the way girl, if I told them how many times I have gone around and around and around….with relationships, these relationships with men have been a roller-coaster to say the least. In the process of me trying to FIND the right man I went through some doozies, I could say other names but I’m a Christian and it wouldn’t be allowed to come from my lips. During that period of time I noticed that I was in an ON again, OFF again relationship with God in which I prayed a lot…..got in a relationship…..prayed less and still……..got in another relationship, things were not looking good, If I had only WAITED on God, half of my life experiences would be obsolete; if only life was a big eraser, oh the things I would erase. But I’m so glad that I had those experiences as it has allowed those trials to become my Triumphs in getting to know me better, what I was really desiring in a man and most of all to gain a closer walk and/or relationship with Christ.

Those experiences have given me the unique opportunity to talk to you. I wrote this as a play and even performed it in church some years ago. Yes, the story you are about to read is a true story of my dating experiences (characters changed) through the years, so whether you’re in an active relationship at the moment, Married, Divorced, Single – Single and a Virgin waiting for marriage or have been around the dating way like I have, hopefully there will be something within these pages that will minister to you to either give you hope to move on from a broken relationship or how to WAIT on God for the perfect relationship that he has for you (notice I said PERFECT) there’s no such thing as the perfect man, but the man that God has for you will be perfect for your situation, your lifestyle and your relationship with God – which won’t hinder it but help it.

Be Blessed & Keep WAITING! I know it’s been a long time, but trust me it’s worth the wait.

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HELP!  HELP!  HELP!

I am so good when it comes to making sure I step up in the corporate world called “my career” I want nothing but the best job, the best pay, and flexible hours and I won’t take down to nothing less. I am such the goal-oriented woman whom accomplishes both short and long-term goals set for my life in record time. I am a good giver to my young brothers and sisters in need and I am a great counselor at giving others good sound advice for their dating relationships and their lives.  I strive to encourage them to make good healthy productive decisions that will keep them moving forward and not backward.  So tell me? Why am I clueless when it comes to dating and the relationships I choose? I just keep getting into problem after problem, It all started when I went on a date last week with a guy named Robert, whom I met through my best friend Stephanie I mean she knows me pretty good, so I trusted she knew what I wanted in a man. She said he looked good, so she gave him my number. He called me, “he sounded good, I mean really good on the phone” I got all happy, but silly at the same time, because he asked me could I meet him at his house, we would leave from there. Hesitantly I said okay…but my instincts were shouting “Wrong Move.”

It’s been 6 months since I’ve been out on a date, I called myself taking a breather to get to know me and what I really wanted out of a relationship, so thinking I had gotten myself truly together I finally decided to give the dating scene another go round.

So today I got my hair, nails and toes done “yes my toes”. I wanted to be perfect for this date; I went the whole nine yards. When I got to his house he came out wearing this dirty white wife-beater shirt, some old, looked to big for him baggy pants and some timber’s not timberland’s because these shoes looked like they had gone out of style with the polyester pants era. He also looked like he had not had a hair cut in 2 years I imagined, and then had the nerve to have a comb sticking out of it. I stood there in amazement because I looked like beauty and he was definitely the beast. And if his attire didn’t take the cake; come to find out he doesn’t have a car; my car was going to be our source of transportation for the night. Now that was strike number two; and I should’ve left then, But no, I was lonely, desperate, and hoping that maybe something good would come out of this nice evening, despite his current situation.

So we took my ride, and here I was thinking we’re going to go somewhere nice and elegant like Justin’s, Olive Garden, Red Lobster or someplace like that, especially since I spent all day beautifying myself. “So where are we going.” I asked. “Oh I thought we’d go to McDonalds.” say he’s kind of short of change, by this time I was getting short of patience, then had the nerve to tell me to “order something cheap, “hard times ya know.” I was thinking to myself well just how hard have times gotten, I mean isn’t minimum wage $7.25 an hour? I was devastated and upset at myself for continuing this date and my friend for setting me up with him.

Come to find out as our minimal conversation progressed, that prospective job at the Law Firm ended up being a job beside the law firm collecting cans and raffling tickets, and that 2008 Yukon he didn’t have ended up being a banged up 1964 Nova that was just impounded last week. Telling me what he used to be and what he used to have and how he bought this home and car (might I add) for the last girl he was with. I mean what; I guess good times just stopped when you got to me huh.

Can you picture me sitting up in McDonald’s sporting a $200.00 dress with some Baby Phat Carmen 03 pumps and an $85.00 hairdo? People looking at me like I had a problem, and I did, a whole lot of problems.

So when I finished my Apple pie and “small” orange pop, I hurried up and took him home! I couldn’t bear another moment of his depressing scenario. All at the same time I was thinking to myself “Lord if you get me out of this one, I promise I will WAIT! On you.”

But I didn’t wait……………Big Mistake.

The following week I met a guy named Steven, No I did not meet him through my friend Stephanie after that ordeal with Robert I decided to leave her alone. So I thought I would try and hook myself up with someone after all who could know exactly what I want in a man than me right?….Wrong.

Well I just happened to be at the Gas Station pumping gas when I heard this deep voice behind me say…

“You sure look good doll.” He said.

I turned around and low and behold standing before me was the most handsome man I had ever seen; I mean Billy Dee Williams had nothing on him, now Denzel Washington well that’s another story. But anyway, he was tall and light skinned with a nice frame to him, very broad shoulders, with the most gorgeous brown eyes.

And unlike Robert, he did know how to dress. He had on this Sean John jacket with a white shirt underneath and he wore some nice Sean John jeans with some Karl Kani boots (these were the real things). He must have a little something, something.” I thought to myself, it’s about time.

“Hello, my name is Steven,” He said, smiling.

“My name’s Bernice.” I said,” blushing and smiling all while turning my face to the right where my dimple shows, right as we began to talk another car pulled up behind  us blowing his horn because he now needed to use the gas pump. Oh I had totally forgotten about the gas. So as I walked inside to pay, he said…

“I’ll pay for the gas, do you mind?” taking out his wallet.

(“Now you know this is too good to be true.” I thought.)

Before I could say “Oh no I got it” I said, “Yes you may.” before I knew it. “Don’t sound desperate.” I kept telling myself.  My mind was saying this but my actions were saying go right ahead.

We exchanged numbers and he asked if I could call him right away when I got home, certainly I said. As I watched him walk away I noticed that he did not look too bad from behind either… “Okay quit lusting.” I said to myself. But as much as I wanted to hurry home and call him, I just stood there because I really wanted to see what type of car he was driving or if he even had one.

To Be Continued….2/22/18

 

Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

 

Hey, please stay tuned for part 2 of: “Did He Just Stand Me Up?” Part 2 – COMING SUNDAY @ 12noon.

You wouldn’t believe what happened next….

 

 

 

Waiting

©Roshonda N. Blackmon, All Rights Reserved 

*Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are fictitious and have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals once involved. 

 

Sunday’s Thought: Did He Just Stand Me Up?? Part 1

photo above courtesy of bing 

My dating life literally went down the tube last year; after years of yo-yo dating and really not acquiring “the one” I decided last year after my last attempt at trying to have a relationship, fizzled out to just go M.I.A with the dating scene. I mean, the relationship  was cool in the beginning but mid-way through I began to see a side of him that I knew wouldn’t be good enough to continue a relationship less known marriage. During that time, God had began to deal with me about my body and giving myself to him, those dealings soon lead me to become so convicted; I stopped cold turkey. Trying to explain that to him was an even bigger chore because he didn’t have a relationship with God, (at least not in the way that I have a relationship with him) so therefore I knew, he wouldn’t understand completely as to where I was coming from.

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I knew it was God that was leading me away from that relationship as our time together became less and less and I became unusually busy as ever to try and travel an hour and some change away to see him – before, I would hop on the road with no problem; but soon found that increasingly difficult as the months passed by – soon what seemed like 1000 text messages a day to check up on each other, ended up being 1 text a day, if that and no phone calls. As our lives became like two ships sailing in the night, so did my communication with him – soon, I didn’t take notice to him at all, it was like we never met. But anyways…fast forward….

As God began to deal with me about my alone time, I got the feeling that maybe God just wants me to be alone this season. I suddenly realized that I didn’t’ want to be in a relationship and my new year’s resolution coming into this year was “I’m going to dedicate this whole year to God and not being in a relationship” which was a newbie for me, because when I looked back over my life – I noticed that I had “always” been in some type of relationship with someone, I had never had a year of where I didn’t date at all. So, feeling as if I needed a purge year – 2018 was my year to be “totally” single. I mean, I have two kids (teen and pre-teen) and they need my full attention with no distractions. Well, you know how when you say you’re going to do something and get your mind made up to do it – here comes the enemy with his many distractions, curve balls, twists and gimmicks.

I left work one night and before I reached home, decided to go into the store and pick up a couple of items as the kids were yet, out of school again due to the snow. While on the noodle isle, I seen this guy next to me but didn’t pay him any mind; suddenly he says “Those kids are out of school more than I was when I was growing up,” and of course I responded and said “You got that right!!” So, his conversation didn’t stop there – next thing you know he was telling me about himself, his job, where he was from and how he can’t seem to find the right woman – even though he’s a good man. I briefly told him my mishaps with dating of being the nice girl and finishing last and we laughed and kept conversing, so finally he said – you know what? I want to take you out on a date. I tell you what, the next time we bump into one another – we’re going out! I was a little puzzled because he never asked for my number and how did he know we would ever see each other again. I said okay, cool and we parted ways.

Well, as fate would have it – I had to go back into the store the next day. Prior to going in, I remember thinking to myself – how ironic would it be to see the same guy in here again. And as “serendipity” would have it – as soon as I walked in the store, there he was at the checkout. I couldn’t believe it! Really???, when he saw me – the first thing he said was OKAY, WOW!!! we’re going on a date!!! We conversed some more over the irony of our second visit and he asked, “So, where would you like to go” – I love seafood, so that’s where I suggested and he agreed. Upon leaving (he still didn’t get my number), we walked out (because I wanted to see if he had his own ride, and he did) as we got to his car, he opened his trunk to put in his groceries and pulled out a study bible for me to look at, Wow, I said…that’s nice – I’ve been looking into getting me a study bible. So as he put the bible back into the trunk, he finalized the plans for us to meet at the restaurant at 12:30pm that Saturday….I said okay, see you then and we parted ways.

That night in my prayer time with God – I told him what had happened (not that he didn’t already know, but sometimes God just wants us to talk to him) and I asked God a question that I had never asked him before about any of my relationships. “Lord, if this person is apart of your will for my life, then reveal it to me and if he isn’t, then reveal that to me also” I spoke to a couple of friends about it and let them know what was going on and left it alone (also something else I never did, talk to people about my relationships). Once Saturday came, I can’t say I was pumped but I was more feeling like I was going to meet a friend, I had purchased him a little gift (nothing much) just a token of my appreciation for him paying for the lunch (in which he said he was going to do).

To be continued…..next Sunday 2/18/18

 

This Week

If you’re liking this story, then hopefully you’ll like my other relationship blunders and bloopers in which I wrote about with fictional characters of course – since this is the month of “love and relationships” I thought I would share those dating experiences with you….so starting this Thursday 2/15/18 you’ll get a chance to read my 2 part story series entitled “I Will Wait Until God Says, It’s Time!” Hopefully it’ll make you laugh, think and if you’re currently single whether male or female and struggling with dating or finding the right one, then my hope is that you begin to seek God before you head into another “failed” relationship. Stay Tuned!!

 

Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

 

Don’t have time to read? You can listen to this post on Soundcloud below; just push the orange button to play!

5 Common Mistakes Women Must Give Up, To Get the Man of Thier Dreams

Relationships are hard work alone & Dating with all of its rules, guidelines and catch phrases is another monster, all it’s own. So, how do you obtain a good relationship, less known get a date?, I mean what is it that you could be saying or doing that seems to not be attracting the right person. If you’re wondering if your looks or appearance could be the reason, think again! Most dating mistakes happen the moment we open our mouths, Yes! our mouth could be the very reason most of us, Fall short in Dating and Fail at Relationships.

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In my early dating stages, I can tell you – I was a wreck and my mouth posed to be an even bigger risk. I felt as if I had to tell a guy everything about me, my past, my future, my expectations along with my goals, dreams, fears, hurts, habits and hang-ups and this was just on the phone; we hadn’t even gotten to the first date yet. I used to wonder why I would either never get a call back or if they did call back, it wasn’t talks of going out on a date, it was because they were bored and I just seemed to be tfish and hookhe person they either wanted to vent too or just talk too. Yes, I was a good friend; but not a good partner for a relationship. I even had one guy to tell me that I reminded him of his grandmother – LIKE, REALLY???, I had to take a good look in the mirror on that one – was it my words of wisdom that had him traumatized?, whatever it was; it  didn’t garner a date and then again, I don’t think I would have wanted one with him after that comment. I also had an issue with not totally being myself; I tried to fix myself up to be whom I felt like the guy wanted me to be, I lost weight; dyed my hair; bought creams to make my skin lighter and even wore hair extensions to obtain a longer length of hair and I’m not going to even talk about other crazy things I would do and/or did just to obtain a guy’s attention….Trust me, as I’ve gotten older, those things weren’t worth my sanity nor time. I never fully let my hair down to be me, because I was trying to be with them. Over time of not “catching too many fish on the hook” I realized that there was one thing that was holding me back from getting a chance of having a date;  outside of not being myself,  I realized that MY MOUTH! was the ultimate hammer that nailed the coffin shut.  Yes, here I was talking marriage, babies, future and goals to someone whom I didn’t even get a chance to see if they were that interested in me or not; however, they knew I wasn’t’ the one for them.  So as a woman who was in limbo with dating, those experiences have garnered me to write out a couple of mistakes I made and that you may be making too. So, let’s get started with a couple of Do’s and Don’t s:

Dating TipsTip #1:  LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THYSELF: I underlined & capitalized this for a reason. Please ladies, let’s show love to ourselves first. Love your curves, your mind, your choices. Just love you. I can’t tell you how many times, I jumped into a relationship looking for love but didn’t love myself. When you love you, then you take the pressure off of a guy having to force himself to love you back. When you love you – then everyone else will love you too and even if they don’t; guess what! Who Cares! because you love you and that’s the first and only thing that matters anyway.

Tip#2: Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself:  Yes, that was a popular song in the 90’s but it’s even popular for us ladies. Listen to your gut, we know if we’re really ready for a relationship or not. Most of us still need a little fixing on the inside of us first before we are able to invite someone else in. If you have low-self esteem or are not comfortable with your weight, then I would suggest you try to fix those things  before entering into a relationship. Men like confident women and if you’re not displaying that, then the relationship will plummet before it takes off the runway.

Tip#3: No Need To Pack The Bags: When you’re on a date or before you even go on a date determine to leave the bags of the past in the past. A guy doesn’t need to know that you were once depressed, was suicidal, was married (unless it’s a topic of discussion) he doesn’t need to know about baby daddies and all those issues. Shh!, Keep those things to yourself (at least until you feel like the relationship is going somewhere after you’ve had enough dates with the person) A first date should be about you, career goals and aspirations. Not Drama! So keep that bag at home.

Tip#4: Knight In Shining Armor…Not!: Okay, so sometimes we ladies tend to get a little movie struck. We sometimes look at how relationships are played out in a movie and desire for that to happen in our own lives, let’s get real. It’s a Movie with actor and actresses whom are or were paid to act that way. They were reading a script. Just because the guy comes in with a cane, doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy or just because he doesn’t look like your favorite actor, doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy. Give everyone an opportunity. They just may surprise you.

Tip #5: Keep The Cookie In The Cookie Jar: Make sure your hormones are in check before you go on a date. There’s a number of people whom have sex on the first date and what’s even more common is the fact that it’s unprotected. Let a guy fall for your mind first, not what’s in your pants. Building a relationship based off of sex; usually does not last. When sex supersedes a conversation and becomes your first foundation; it’s hard to get back on track with a good convo. So keep the cookie under lock and key. Whatever decision you make regarding the individual you want to make sure it’s based on true emotion and not a sexual one in which could cloud your judgment immensely concerning the person, especially if he has a lot of red flags that require your full undivided attention.

And guys, I didn’t forget about you – the same effort you put into getting the “cookie” can also be the same effort you put into having a good, healthy relationship. Here are some tips for you to look over in order to get the Woman of your dreams and keep her long enough than a one-night stand: 5 Things Men Must Give Up, To Be With the Right Woman!

Do you have any dating tips you would like to share? List them in the comments so we can get a conversation going.

SELF-HELP APRIL IS COMING!

Do you need help with an area in your life, or have questions about an on-going problem you are facing?
Well, Help is on the way!

For the whole month of April, I will be posting blogs giving advice on some of the questions that I’ve been asked to talk about. They are sort of “Self-Help” tips that will hopefully get you back on track to either living the life you want to live or give you a peace of mind as you continue to travel on your journey of self-discovery.  Listed below are the topics that will be discussed during the month:

Rejection sucks, BUT Life Doesn’t Have Too.

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Rejection, Unfortunately is a word that no one likes to encounter. Rejection may be a bad word, but it doesn’t have to be a death sentence. I will give you a couple of tips to endure it.

5 Things Women Must Give Up to Get The Man of Their Dreams

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We all have issues, men and women alike. But if you are having trouble obtaining or keeping a relationship because of “issues” then I will give you 5 tips that maybe you are doing that’s keeping you from having a healthy relationship.

BEING A FRIEND TO HAVE FRIENDS

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In order to gain friends, you must first be friendly. Finding a friend that you can relate too is difficult, but what if your attitude is the determining factor in you not having the friendships you so desire. I’ll share my story and give you a couple of tips that will hopefully allow you to open the door and began to let people in.

How to remain “SANE” in Singleness

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Being single can sometimes be a drab, Most singles waste their good energy on trying to find Mr or Mrs. Right – someone in hopes that will complete them, but no matter how hard we try to find that “perfect mate” We must first be in a good place ourselves. I’ll give you a couple of “Do’s and Don’t s” to keep you calm in the process.

So, be on the lookout every Thursday morning in the month of April for a Self-Help Blog Post.    Please feel free to share and comment.

Because Self-Help is definitely the BEST HELP!  
If you’ve been following me on Facebook, then you’ll know for the month of January and February we were doing a study on the names of God. Well, If you missed any of it – NO WORRIES!, I have a booklet that I created for you. If you would like a copy, please send me your request to justsuminspiration@gmail.com and I’ll send you a copy.
Talk Soon!
Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of JustsumInspiration