Dysfunctional Family & The Holiday Blues =(

The picture above courtesy of pexels

With Thanksgiving coming up next week, I thought I’d talk about family. The holidays are supposed to be the times in which we get together with family and laugh, talk, remanence, give thanks and most of EAT! But sometimes that’s not always easy, especially if you have dysfunctional family members or a MEMBER! which could make those holiday gatherings very uncomfortable.

There’s a quote that says, “Families are like fudge, mostly sweet with lots of nuts.” Does that sound like your family? Because let’s face it, we all have a family member or relatives who seem to have come from another planet than we did.

While we may all wish we can send them back for a replacement, they are still part of our family and despite the ups and downs that surround them, we have to deal with them and love them the same. I used to think that everyone had a good family except for me because we seemed to fight all the time and just when you thought everybody was getting along, something would come up out of nowhere.

It could be from something my mom said, my dad did, my sister thought or how I reacted, and the next thing we know, no one would pick up a phone for months on end.
As I got older, I realized that even the biggest families had issues and no family is perfect by any means and while my family was distant, there were other families who didn’t come together at all or allowed hatred to circle through them and build a fire that never ended.

We can’t save the world or help every dysfunctional family but listed below are a few tips to maybe keep the line of communication open with our estranged relatives before, during and after the holidays.

#1. Communicate regularly.

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This may be very hard for some families because most of them have built up so many issues and have held onto so much hurt, that it’ll take several counseling sessions to get those layers pulled completely away. But I’ve found that most family situations can be solved if we can learn to talk to each other before a situation escalates out of control.

*At least you try to talk it out, even if they don’t want too*

Do your part, because at the end of the day, what YOU DID really will matter. If they choose not to conform, then you did your part – pray for them and move on. Hopefully, they’ll come around when they’re ready.

#2. Seek counseling from a family therapist.

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If regular communication does not succeed, then counseling is the next step. Some dysfunctional family issues may have nothing to do with you per se, but it could have something to do with what an older family member did.

Issues could’ve already been in place prior to your birth, in which the family never settled among themselves, which caused division with other family members. Counseling helps to get us past the “Then” to help us be better for the “Now” and future family generations to come.

#3. Back off but not completely.

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Most families feel that most fiery problems will resolve themselves by staying away, in most cases, this only makes matters worse and hatred increase. While situations may become too strong to handle and you may have to back off just to protect yourself, don’t allow it to stay that way.

Don’t let weeks, months, or even years keep you from being connected to your family unless you have been totally pushed away and in that case – it’s not your fault or problem but the individuals who closed the door without making amends.

#4. Forgiveness is key.

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When you’ve made every attempt to bring about reconciliation, but find that there’s no effort on their part, then you have to forgive them and move on.
Forgiveness doesn’t excuse the behavior that dysfunction brings, but it allows us to learn from what happened and to let it go (in which is a process all by itself)

Remember, it’s not about what they did, what they said or what they haven’t done; it’s about what you do. Forgiveness is your pass to have peace for yourself not them.
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We cannot change our families, because we’re stuck with them forever. No matter what we think or how we feel about them, they are a part of us, and we are apart of them.
But you’ll find out that family no matter how dysfunctional it may be, is a really great addition to your life. It’s something that everyone dreams of having – even if it can’t be with their “natural” ones.

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Okay, so BIG announcement. My next post will be on next Wednesday and will be my last post for the year. I know, I know – don’t cry……haha (I’m sure you’re not) Anywho, I’ll not only be taking a break from blogging but also social media as well. After next week, I won’t be posting anything until after the beginning of the year. 

What will my last post be about??? You’ll have to see next week – hint, hint: it’s going to be light and informative (the fun informative =)

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Just Say It ALREADY!!! GEEEZZZZ…

The photo above courtesy of pexels

So, I’m going to start this post off by saying “I dislike me sometimes” – ever had that feeling where you get totally FED UP! with your own self?? As much as I would love to be the angel and say I’m TOTALLY – PERFECT!!! HAHA – TOTALLY NOTTTTT! I’m really, honestly, NOT!

I mean, sometimes I can dish it out and serve it up really nice on a glorious gold platter for everyone else, but when it comes to me following my own, let’s say….advice. I don’t always do it and that’s for good reason – most of the time, well let’s say 65% of the time – I’m fearful, prideful and afraid of how I’d look if I actually did it. The other 35% is me actually doing it.

Okay, so I know you’re probably saying “What the Heck is she talking about??” Glad you asked! So, I have a hard time – giving people compliments. I’m going to explain, hold on…because I can see you looking like, What???

You see?, If I see a lady and she’s dressed up really nice. I’ll say in my head, oh wow that’s a beautiful dress, earrings or I love her hair or that perfume smells good. I say all these things in my head and my head thinks it’s saying these things aloud but in all actuality it’s just me in my own head space. FEEL ME???

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I hold those good vibes in because I’m afraid of the look I’ll get when I actually say it. I mean, in  reality I’m a very outgoing person – I have an outgoing personality and I can talk to just about anyone but, for some reason I have a hard time giving people compliments – oh course, you’d understand why I wouldn’t say these things to a man. Although, there have been some men that I did want to compliment and say, hey – you look good today or I like that tie, those jeans, that shirt or you have a nice smile – especially if he’s wearing some good smelling cologne.

However, I regress from doing that unless I truly know the person – otherwise, I just look, smile and keep it moving and have that conversation in my head space only. I don’t want to seem disrespectful OR make it seem like I’m trying to make a pass at them andddd ok, I just get all weird about the situation. To make a very long scenario on both accounts very short – what I’m really trying to say is:

  • Why don’t we give compliments to others?”
  • Is this something that you have issues with doing?
  • Men?, If you’re reading this article – do you find it comfortable or weird complimenting the opposite sex??
  • Women?, do you find it uncomfortable complimenting the opposite sex?

I’m not saying that I don’t do it because I do – I just feel as though I should do it more often than I should. I say that because you never know what’s going on in a person’s head space or how they’re feeling. That woman that we fail to say “How nice she looks in that dress or how the color of it compliments her skin tone” may be just the thing she needs to hear, because maybe that morning when she put it on – she had self-doubt or some other negative feelings going on about it and you saying something nice, just may be the boost she needed to hear to let her know that she made the right clothing choice that morning. You know what I mean??

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One day, while I was in Wal-Mart – which happens to be my favorite store in the whole wide world (And No, they are not sponsoring me…lol, I wish!!) As I was shopping in the produce section, I just happened to look up and seen this older woman. She had the most beautiful head of gray hair on her head and the style that it was in was just as beautiful. As I passed by her, I got this urge (like a very STRONG one) to tell her how nice her hair looked, okay – so in my head space I had already told her but then my brain kicked in and said “Girl, Really??” no you didn’t!!

I walked pass her and was trying to go down the other aisle but something kept pushing me to tell her how great her hair looked. So you know how we do – I walked over beside her and pretended like I was interested in some soy beans…(LOL)….my arms were sweaty, my heart was racing and then….finally…..

Listen below to hear the rest, haha – you know I got to make it interesting. So, did I tell her? or did I let fear take over and leave….take a listen & check it out!

It only takes one smile to offer welcome….and blessed be the person who will share it. It only takes one moment to be helpful….and blessed be the person who will spare it. It only takes one joy to lift a spirit….and blessed be the person who will give it. It only takes one life to make a difference….and blessed be the person who will live it.

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Weekly Announcements!!! 

I was so honored and glad to be apart of a vendor event last weekend. Below is the table I had set up for it. Was super excited to make a couple of connections and talk briefly about bullying and how the message behind the book “Billy Wolf & The Kids of Heavenly Hills Elementary” impacted my own life and the reasoning for me writing it.

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If you would like your very own copy, You can purchase it at one of the major retailers below. And please, when you do purchase – don’t forget to leave a review, it’s very much appreciated!

NOW AVAILABLE THROUGH THESE MAJOR ONLINE BOOK OUTLETS

Books-A-Million

Barnes and Nobles 

Amazon

Purchase your copy Today!!!

 

Blog Recognition & My Tips for New, Upcoming or Seasoned Bloggers

The photo above and below courtesy of pexels and bing

Okay, so I’ve tried to hold off on this for a while because I guess I’m the type of person where I don’t like to keep bringing things up – so let me be transparent here: Over the last couple of months I’ve been getting recognized by different bloggers and the blog has received several awards in which I’m very grateful (you can see all of them including this one now, on the side over there…

👉👉👉👉👉 (to the near bottom – there you go =)

But have you ever felt like, things just kept coming and while people are excited at first – afterwhile, you start getting a side-eye like REALLY??? okay, you can stop now. You know, sort of like those award shows where people just keep winning and suddenly the people in the audience’s reactions are something like this:

giphy - NO NOYeah! the awards were coming so often – I was for sure I would be getting one of those reactions…lol, could’da just been me, soooooo – I thought I’d let this one sit for a while and take a little break, know what I mean?

However, I would really really like to thank my sister from another mother Rakkelle of Racquel Writes for nominating me for this recognition – I truly appreciate you girl and so sorry it took SOOOOOOO LONG!! I love Rakkelle’s blog, it’s filled with so much insight, thought and I have to say – it’s one of the blogs that I look forward to reading every….single….week, no doubt! So go check her out and follow her pleassseeeee – you won’t be disappointed and that’s a BIG/HUGE – I PROMISE YA!!!

So, the rules of this award are very simple all you have to do is: 

  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog
  2. Write a post to show your award.
  3. Give a brief story of how your blog started.
  4. Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers.
  5. Select 15 or more fellow bloggers for this award.
  6. Let each nominee know you’ve nominated them and leave a link to your post.

Well, numbers 1 and 2 are good so it’s story time (a brief story that is) and here we go!

HOW DID A BLOG, A MAGAZINE. IT’S JUSTSUMINSPIRATION START: 

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If you’re an avid follower of mine or if you’re not. I’ve mentioned this in a couple of blog posts such as this one – but if I can be honest, blogging honestly started as a hobby. I had never thought of starting a blog before until mid or late 2014 when I was scrolling around on my phone and seen the WordPress advertisement “Start your own blog today!” and I was like, hmmm – so I looked into it but didn’t start right away. After that instance, the thought seemed to come to me more and more and more about starting a blog. I had no idea as to what I would write about or if I even had enough in me to keep it up with consistent writing.

I’m the type of person that can be very good about starting something but a failure at finishing what I started. I went on and didn’t give it much thought until March of 2015, I was sitting at my desk and seen that annoying WordPress advertisement again but this time I heard a voice say “DO IT NOW” I was so shocked and scared.

I knew that voice was God and I knew at that moment that he wanted me to start the blog. The awkward urges I was feeling in those past months were urges signaling me to do what I felt like I was called to do and that is to “Encourage.” So as I sat there trying to figure out what name to call it, that’s when “Justsuminspiration” immediately dropped in my soul and that’s what it’s been ever since. I added the magazine aspect of it to focus on everyday things such as people, movies and inspirational acts of kindness being done in the world by amazing people who may never get noticed by the media. You can find out more here concerning the journey ahead from that start point.

GIVE TWO PIECES OF ADVICE FOR NEW BLOGGERS

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  • My first piece of advice for new bloggers is to be authentic – just be you. Kristi Hill asked this question some months ago and luckily my name and advice were one of the ones she chose. So here’s what I said then in which still stands now for any new blogger and upcoming blogger:

The one thing I wasted a lot of time on was not really focusing on my blog and/or the reasons why I started the blog in the first place. I lost a lot of time watching other bloggers and if I can be honest, trying to mimic their style and verbiage thinking that’s what I needed to do in order to grow my blog and get traffic. My word of advice to any new blogger would be to “keep their focus” on their own blog (at least for the first month or two) trying to make it presentable, thinking of topics to talk about and looking at what will make their blog unique. We all have a gift and we all have something important to say, my blog may not be like anyone else’s and someone else will not be like mine – but that’s what makes the bloggerverse so unique because it’s filled with different stories, genres, backgrounds, colors, and purpose.

  • My second piece of advice for any new, upcoming or seasoned blogger is to read the advice from Kristi’s post “Blogging Time Wasters” – it’s a really good read that has valuable comments from other bloggers who talk about their experience’s with blogging and the pitfalls they ran into while blogging. As stated before in other posts, I don’t have answers for everything and never feel as though I have all the knowledge in the world on this blog – my experiences are mine and I share them but I also don’t mind sharing good information that I feel could help others as well, even if I don’t have the answers.

So, I would like to encourage ðŸ‘ˆ  get that word…wink, haha – any blogger to read that post, it’s full of information that can and will help you on your blogging journey. GOOD LUCK!! 

Now # 5 & 6 states to nominate 15 bloggers and in true form, I normally would – but I’m going to take the high road like my sis Rakkelle did here and I’m going to leave this award open to anyone that would like to participate, please do. I nominate ALL THE BLOGGERS WHO FOLLOW ME for this award. Your comments, love, and readership of anything I write are very much appreciated; especially on those days when I feel as though no one is paying attention, there’s always a comment left that gives me that lemonade to keep pushing through and I’m forever grateful.

Until next time – thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to read this post.

Much Love ðŸ’‹ðŸ’‹ðŸ’‹

Not exactly sure what the month of November will hold but I’ll be here with something =)

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Since becoming a Blogger – I wrote my very first faith-based children’s book about bullying entitled:

“Billy Wolf & The Kids’s of Heavenly Hills Elementary” 

It’s gotten some really cool reviews and is a book for both a child as well as an adult, in which I’ve had quite a few childless adults to purchase it. I think you’ll like it too. You can pick up your very own copy at one of the retailers below:

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NOW AVAILABLE THROUGH THESE MAJOR ONLINE BOOK OUTLETS

Books-A-Million

Barnes and Nobles 

Amazon

Purchase your copy Today!!!

 

 

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