Comedy: Move Over! This Bladder Has To GOOOOO!!

The photo above and all below courtesy of bing

Okay, so yes – as you can see from the title; I just realized last week that not only am I getting older but my body, as much as I try to hide it completely told me the truth on last week. In which made me come to the realization that “Roshonda, you’re getting older girl” No, not that old – but in some months I’m going to be changing the guards and leaving my thirties behind to never return to them again as I move into the town of 40ville. OMGosh, that’s a little painful to say and I do really feel old now that I’m actually typing it out….where did the twenties go and now my thirties are about to say sayonara!

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Chile, let me tell you what my body did – and I’ll tell you the reason why it did this later in the post in which will be a good tip for my fellow twenty and thirty-somethings…

Well, last Tuesday I got off work. For the past couple of days, the news was talking of an impending storm and from the reports; this storm had a potential to be very catastrophic and worse than any other storm we’ve had or seen (170 Billion dollars worser, uh yeah!!). So you know when people hear things of this nature, the stores; gas stations and even the dollar tree is populated by frantic people looking for any and everything to barrel in and hunker down because as Fred Sanford used to say “Oh Lordy, It’s the Big One”

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Well, I’m the type of person where – I don’t get too moved by natural disasters, I mean don’t get me wrong I do take precaution but I can’t say that I take full precaution as the weather man or woman predicts. But, this one did have me a little concerned because when meteorologists come out the gate talking about a category 5. Maybe it’s time to prepare a little, I prayed about it but still wanted to have something at the house just in case things did unfold as predicted.

In a rush to leave out the door, I had to use the bathroom. Now, I know I should have used it before I left but I felt as if I could hold it a while longer and make it to the store to get whatever piece of bread or water was left. Once I got to the store and made my way down the deserted aisles; I knew I had missed the boat on bread as well as water. I had never seen the shelves so bare before, I mean people had to have been trampling in all day getting more than one loaf and a case of water and the store personnel couldn’t tell anyone when the next shipment would come in. So, I grabbed some peanut butter and that’s when it happened. It was like my bladder screamed at me and refused to settle down until I got to the counter to pay for my items.

With every step, I made it was like – torture. You know how it is when you have to use the bathroom so bad; you can’t think, eat or speak until you get to a bathroom! But as much as it was screaming, I was determined to make it to the noodle aisle. So there I am, walking like one of those slow mos from Baywatch through the overcrowded aisles.

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Once I made it to the noodle aisle, I managed to bend down and pick up a box of noodles and head to the self-checkout. Praying all the way there, I made my way, holding on to that peanut butter and noodles tightly as if I dared someone to take it from me…I quickly tried to check out. My bladder was on blast at this time and decided that it wasn’t taking any more of my shenanigans and pressed deeply on my uterus. Now squinting with my legs as tight as I could get them, that didn’t help as I now felt little trickles rolling down my legs –NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY NOWWWWWW….I was thinking to myself and to make matters worse, this woman seen a clear line and decided to come behind me” I look at her with a nervous grin, all while feeling warmth down my leg “Hi, she said” Oh really, Lady – I do NOT have time for small talk, my bladder had decided it wanted to fight me and we were at war. “You smell good?, she proceeded to say” In which I was thinking to myself – not for long. “Ehhhh, thank you – I said nervously again, as I glanced her way, all while wondering why in the heck is this self-checkout going so slow.

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And, as I finished up and knelt to get my change – My bladder won the fight and there I was peeing on the floor, I just happened to glance over at the self-checkout cashier who was looking me up and down but mostly looking down as I KNOW she saw liquid coming from up under my dress.  shakira_voice_gif_12

I got my change and hurried out of there, to the point of almost knocking someone down and I’m sure leaving drops all along the way. Poor lady behind me!!!!

Why in the world was my bladder so weak??? There was a time I could’ve held off from using the bathroom for hours at a time and now, I can’t go 5min!! Two lessons I learned from this experience, one is for me and the other is for you.

  1. For Me: NEXT TIME, USE THE BATHROOM SILLY!!!!!!!!!!

  2. For You: Please, Please, Please – don’t hold your pee. If you have to use the bathroom, use it immediately. Years of not going to the bathroom when I should’ve has now led to a very weak bladder that obviously can’t perform as efficiently anymore.

  3. If you do tend to leak a little before you get to the bathroom – a pantyliner or pad will help in these cases; to save you from humiliation and embarrassment. 

All of this was soooo embarrassing to talk about but hopefully, this will open your eyes to how neglecting our body when we’re young can lead to not so good results when we get older. Our body is our temple and if we’re good to it, it will definitely be good for us. We only get one and it’s up to us to take the bests care of it.

A well taken care of body now, will not embarrass you later. Take it from me!

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Say, have you read the latest reviews on my book? Billy Wolf & The Kids of Heavenly Hills Elementary” Check this out and oh by the way, not all of these reviewers have small children, meaning this book is for the child as well as the adult!

 

My 9-year old loved this book. When I gave it to her I noticed her actually sitting intently and reading it. She was so engaged! Although it was about bullying, she identified the positive points in the book and the happy ending left her feeling hopeful. Thank you Roshonda for writing a book that speaks to the unfortunate culture our children are living in. I pray this reaches the masses!  Shanae M. Artis, author of “This is NOT my Life! – 10 Steps to Overcoming Fear & Adversity.”

I ordered two copies, one for myself and one for my son to put in his classroom! Yolanda H.

It’s a very inspiring book and that prayer at the end; I felt that all in my SHA-NA-NA! That got me and I’ll be thinking about those words in my everyday life. Erica  – Brown Girl Table Talk (Facebook)

My favorite part was how you explained why Billy became a bully which I think is so important as well as standing up to one. Tracy C.

 

Pick up your copy here today! 

And Don’t forget to leave a review, yours might be the next one featured on a blog post!

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Video: Wednesday’s Word – MS. BIG MOUTH ALMIGH-TEE

LET THE WORDS OF MY MOUTH AND THE MEDITATION OF YOUR HEART…

BE ACCEPTABLE (Psalms 19:14)

That scripture just happens to be my favorite; as a matter of fact, the whole book of Psalms is my favorite book of the bible. Have you ever found yourself saying ‘just the wrong things at the wrong times???

Especially when it comes to sharing your business, goals, dreams and etc., I know personally this was a serious issue for me for quite some time. I used to wonder why things never really were working out for me or why is it when I would take two steps forward – I always ended up taking 5 steps back. I mean, what was I doing wrong?

Then it hit me one day – “Girl, YOU TALK ENTIRELY TOOOOO MUCH!!”

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I mean I was talking to everyone about EVERYTHING! & Trust me, sometimes you need to shut the door on people and work behind the scenes. In this video, I’ll take you back to the 80’s with a little RUN DMC classic as I share 3 tips of the common mistakes I made in talking too much and how God desires you to keep things secret too.

This will be my last Wednesday Word video posted here on the Blog – However, If you would like to receive notifications on when I post the next Wednesday Word video or any videos thereafter, please be sure to visit my YTUBE channel and hit the subscribe button and turn on the bell notification so you’ll be the first to see every video once they become available.

 

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EnSpired: From Tragedy to Triumph…From Loses to Wins

The photo above and all photos below are courtesy of pexels

When I was 12 years old – I and my family were the victims of a house fire. We stayed in this white 2.5 bedroom house, I say a half because it was actually a two bedroom but the back middle room of the house, in which was supposed to be a dining room; was turned into a room for my two sisters, I shared a back bedroom with my aunt, my mom’s baby sister, and my mom and stepdad at the time had their own room. It wasn’t the best living conditions but it was a home and we had a roof over our head; which is all anyone could ask for.

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The bathroom was very small for six people and disappointing when someone went in and used up all the hot water before you got your turn. Let’s just say, I took many cold showers. As small as the bathroom was, someone had the audacity to put a brown gas heater in there. Like who in their architectural mind would do such a thing! It was not only in the way but it scared the bejesus out of me when it would get lit in the winter times. To see that fire blazing in their was a scary situation coming out of the shower, I always felt like it was going to reach out and touch me or (as clumsy as I was) I was for sure I was going to bump into it and receive 3rd degree burns on my butt or bony legs.

However, every night we would light it up (even in the summertime); yes a few people in the house were cold-natured. That old brown furnace was powerful and didn’t cease or fail to warm up that little ole house – soon, I would learn just how powerful and dangerous it really was. At that time we only had a washer, no dryer – so our clothes had to be hung out to line dry (don’t see that too much now, but clotheslined clothes were the best smelling clothes around, I promise) this night instead of putting in a whole load of clothes to wash, there were these orange shorts I wanted to wear to school the next day, so I decided to wash them in the bathroom sink on my hand. Once I washed them, I let them hang dry in the bathroom since that was the warmest place in the house. Instead of putting the shorts on the shower curtain rod; I decided that they would dry faster, on the towel rack above the brown heater – right about now; I know you see where this story is going…

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I went to bed that night and woke up to a rude awakening of thick black smoke. My bed was empty, and my aunt was gone. As I got out of the bed coughing and choking to smoke, I saw a big blaze of fire coming from the bathroom, in which covered the hallway ceiling. I had never seen a fire that close-up before, I got scared to run under it and the only thing I knew to do was to run in the closet located in our room. Now crying, panicking and thinking that that day was surely going to be the last day of my life. I was in disarray. Suddenly, I heard someone calling my name – as I came from the closet, I saw my step-dad; he grabbed my hand and pulled me under the shooting flames and out the front door. I see my mom, sisters and aunt all crying and just as frantic as I was. Once I got to my mom and hugged her; I turned around and seen the whole house now collapsing from the flames. I remember the firefighters told us that we were all lucky to be alive. “That house should have blown up; the flames were shooting right over the hot water heater. he said” We lost everything that day, we only escaped in gowns, bare feet and the little clothes we had on our backs. Now, what….we don’t have anything…..I thought.

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I wanted to tell this story because as most of you might know or have heard; last week the Carolina’s were ravaged by Hurricane Florence, in which came in with a mighty vengeance – unsure as to who made her mad but she didn’t come to play, but destroy. Many Carolinian’s were affected by this tragic storm in which claimed a couple of lives with it. New Bern, North Carolina was the most affected by the storm. Over 800 people were displaced including my sister, brother-in-law, and nieces whom all almost lost their lives due to the flood sweeping their cars away. Florence also took their home – so like many others they have lost as well and while we know we can always get materialistic things again, a life is one thing that cannot be given back, so today I’m grateful to God not only for their lives but other lives as well that was spared during this tragic storm.

In prayer on Saturday morning, God brought the fire tragedy to my mind to let me know that the same God he was when I was in 6th grade and lost everything, is the same God he is today – the same God that when we lose something of materialistic value, he’s the God that gives it back to us better than what we lost, just like he did for my family when I was in 6th grade.

I don’t know what you may have lost recently, whether it was by way of an unfortunate storm or some other catastrophic disaster but I want you to know that God is the God of again and what you count as   a loss, he counts as gain and has a list of better things to replace the ones you’ve lost. He just needs you to trust him. I’ve lost many things in my own life since that 6th-grade incident; cars, houses, jobs and I’m here to tell you I’m better off now than I was then. While things may not seem so happy go lucky right now and you may be waiting to get a return on what was lost; be encouraged and keep your head up.

When I would go through devastating pains or hardship – my mother would sing this song to me, she even got up in church one Sunday and song it right to me as I was saddened over a breakup. While she’s no longer here; this song still gets me through some pretty rough times. Enjoy and remember; God has not forgotten YOU but cares for YOU & that’s a promise you can take to the bank and get a hefty return.

Vickie Winans – Everything’s going to be alright!

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