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“The Meeting” Continued…

What was I going to wear today, what shoes was I going to where today, earrings, what purse to carry? Oh what was I going to do with my hair. I definitely need Dr. Miracle .. to
bad he really doesn’t come out of the mirror with products for your “do” because I could really use his service this morning.

Well today has arrived, a day that I have been looking forward to for a week now. It has been a long 5 weeks for me and I really do not know how I am going to get through this day …. But I will relax, relate, release or at least that’s what I keep telling myself but for some reason one of those R’s were not working today. As I fumbled through the closet to try and find a matching shoe. My mother came to my mind again, I think of her constantly, she was my confidante , we talked everyday on the phone; I could have just hung up the phone from talking to her for 4 hours and then something would come on TV and there I go calling her back and talking to her about that, Especially if it just happened to be something on HGTV or The Maury show.

We loved the decorating shows and those surprising paternity test results. We would talk about how the girls ought to have been ashamed coming on stage with 5 different men, Or how those color walls and floors does not match each other, “Did you see that house they picked?” Why did they pick that couch! We could and would go on and on. My mother was my very best friend, I knew that I could call on her for anything. She always told me and my brothers that we could talk to her about anything and it would not go no further than her. She was an Angel, she was our mama and we loved her dearly. I finally found something to wear after pulling out over 10 ensembles, I narrowed it down to a Black pant suit with a pink silk halter to go on under the jacket. Out of all the colors that I have ranging from red to green to blue and even purple I had to choose the black, so typical. I finally got myself together and did one last look over in the bathroom mirror before I left out (okay you look fine, I whispered). I can’t even think about eating this morning even though I so badly want to grab that Fiber One Bar on the counter and I almost did but my nerves got the best of me and I quickly re-directed my hands toward the back door.

Did you miss the first one? Click this link to read The Meeting, Part 1 

My car was parked on the side of the house. I looked down at my watch, 10am. Wow, where is the time going. As I got into the car I took another glance in the mirror, okay you look fine I told myself once again, now agitated. I started the car and began to back out of the driveway when a flashback of my first driving experience flashed across my mind like lightning. Mama, bravely agreed to take me for a driving lesson – I’m sure it’s a day that she didn’t too soon forget because in trying to make a quick turn, I forgot to let the steering wheel go so that it could adjust itself and ran the both of us into a short ditch a mile up the road from our house. Thank God for the people that stayed some yards up from the incident, they ran out of the house to help us. Mud was so deeply embedded into the tires until it was hard to steer now. Mama took over the wheel and guided us safely back up the road to the house. I have to say mama never tried to teach me how to drive again after that. Instead when my older brother Taye came home in the summer’s from college that became his new summer task.

As I was leaving out of the driveway and making my way down the highway, mama’s death played in my mind like a record, I knew this would happen today even though I tried to erase it from my mind and just think on this event alone, It welled up in my mind like a balloon, Mama was young when she died she was just 60. Kidney Failure took her away from me. She had been on dialysis for the past 5 years, she had become so weak and fragile.

I did everything I could to take care of her even quitting my job to make sure that she had the best of care, even though the nurses came in 3 times a week, I just wanted to make
sure that she was comfortable and had everything that she needed. Before she passed on she told me one day to go to her closet and get down a orange shoe box that was in the top right hand corner of her closet. I did as I was told to do and went and looked for the box; after moving what seemed like more than 100 boxes I finally seen the orange bright box. I got it down and took it to mama whom was sitting on the couch looking so weak and tired, this saddened me deeply. The last thing I wanted was to watch my mama die a slow wrenching death right before my eyes. I brought her the orange box, she told me to open it and get out a brown envelope, I did as she asked; the brown envelope was laying right on top of some other papers underneath it. I felt mama’s cold hand now touching my hand, I turned to look at her looking at me with sad eyes.

I want you to open this once I am gone she told me. I was shocked, what was in this brown envelope that mama did not want me to open until after her passing, I was really confused at this point. I hope and pray that you will not be upset with me honey, everything was done for your good she told me. I was anxious to see what was in the brown envelope, but I dared not open it. About 4 weeks after that, mama died. I had gone out to the store to get her some ice, only to come back to be told that my mom had just passed 10 min ago. I believe she knew she was going and did not want me around to see her. That was the saddest day of my life. After mama’s funeral I was numb, I did not want to shower, take off my clothes or anything, all I wanted to do was just lie in the bed. As I reached my nightstand drawer, I opened it and there was the brown envelope staring me in the face. I hesitated at first to open it. But I remembered mama’s words and opened it anyways, out came some thick papers and a note that read:

Dear Angela,

If you are reading this letter then that means that I have gone on to be with the Lord. I just wanted you to know how much I love you and was so honored to have you in my life darling, you brought me so much joy. The day I got you I knew that you were special. Me and my husband couldn’t have any more children after the boys and I so desperately wanted a girl. So, we adopted you from this very nice couple, she was 15 – still in school and couldn’t take care of you, Her name is Virginia. She was the young lady at the Piggly Wiggly that day, you know, the couple that didn’t have the money to pay for the groceries? Once I realized that, that was your mom I knew I had to help her, afterall – she made my wildest dreams come true by giving me you.

She never wanted anything from me, I had not seen her since she left the hospital when you were born. I tried to reach out to her on several occasions but she was hesitant to accept offerings from me because of what she had done. When our eyes locked in on each other in the store, I knew I had to help. When I slipped her and her husband the money that day, it also contained my telephone number. We stayed in contact after that day, she would come around when I would throw you parties – but you wouldn’t have noticed her as she always kept a distance, but she was there. Unfortunately, she’s sick now and needs help. Her husband died 3yrs ago in a car accident and she has no family, but you.

Please make sure that her monthly bill is paid at the Daily Living complex as I have kept this up for her ever since her husband passed on. Please forgive me for not sharing this with you sooner, but your real mother was never in a place to where she was ready to meet with you; she was so, so young when she had you and never really got herself together to fully take care of you like she had hoped or desired. She knew one day that you would find out and would probably want to meet her. Sadly, sweetie – this is your opportunity. Don’t hate her, but love her – you’re the only family she has now. She had a couple of other kids, but lost them due to horrific miscarriages. I just want you to know, that it was never my intention to keep you from your birth mother – hopefully after reading this, you don’t hold any grudges against me either. 

But you’re my baby girl and I know with hearing this news – you would understand my heart. Take care of your mother, I know you’ll see to it that how ever many days she has left here on earth will be her best days – just as you did for me, when you arrived in my life…

I Love You Forever & Ever. 

 

© Roshonda N. Blackmon, All Rights Reserved 

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