Mindsets & Mental Stress

photo above courtesy of bing 

Recently, as me and my brother-in-law were talking, he began to tell me how he was mentally tired. He works all the time it seems like and really never gets a break or have a “down” time and when he is off (which is sometimes only for a day) it’s filled with other things to do, such as take the children to the doctor; mowing the lawn; taking care of things around the house that was pushed on the agenda for his next off day or meeting with his own doctors, he and my sister are both the same way when it comes down to some much needed R&R, they just don’t have the time for it!

I can totally relate to both of their dilemma’s because on top of taking care of the house, working hard to provide for two kids, making sure I stay on top of my own job and keeping up with what needs to be paid, what I did “actually” pay, to kids field trips, to making sure there’s money for this and that and keeping the car running and keeping my own health in check – where in the world is the time to settle down and BREATHE!!! at the end of the day, I’m ready to pull my hair out – LITERALLY!

Mental-Exhaustion3
HELP, PLEASSSSSSEEEEEE!!

We have to find the time and balance to take care of ourselves – No, seriously….we do! It’s detrimental that we do, not only for our sanity but for our overall health. I’ve often heard people say, “I’ll have plenty of time to rest, when I’m DEAD!” and while that is very true; I don’t want to, as Rihanna sings “WERK, WERK, WERK, WERK , WERK, WERK” until I’m dead or so sick until I can’t do anything at all. Some people feel as though they have to plan for some elaborate trip in order to get away and get some ME TIME in, and that’s great – but we all know that sometimes plans are meant to be cancelled. You don’t have to plan for a big trip or go away to some remote location to get a little mental clarity, now don’t get me wrong, if you have it like that and truly plan to go through with it, by all means, do what you have to do; but sometimes there are a couple of simple things we can do right now, before plan that big trip.

Listed below are a couple of things that I currently do to get some “me time” in everyday, while they may be very simple; they’ve really helped to keep my stress level at an all time low. 

Mental-Exhaustion4
photo taken from okclipart

 

Take Your Time and Don’t Rush It ðŸ•”

When my kids were much smaller and in daycare, I would get off of work at 5pm and rush to pick them up before 6pm (otherwise, I’d get charged a dollar for every minute after) I worked like 45min away. Sometimes it was a struggle getting there on time due to the traffic but I didn’t want to be late or pay a fine. Everything revolved around my kids when they were younger and the thought of me doing anything for myself, was a forbidden thought that I didn’t think mothers were supposed to have. One day my boss asked me, Roshonda?, “Why do you rush to get your kids – you need to take some time for yourself, get off a little early and stop by to grab you an ice-cream and enjoy it by yourself before you pick the kids up.” The thought of her saying that was like, death to my ears “Stop for Ice-Cream?” was she serious? But, she was right – sometimes we can rush life so fast until we don’t take out time to enjoy the simple things. Just because I had small kids at the time, didn’t mean that I had to forget about me – taking that ice-cream break was not only life changing but it helped my sanity as well.

De-stress and Rest ðŸ˜´

This is all about finding things you can do to make your “you” day stress free, such as going to the library, checking out that new food chain or clothing store that just opened up or scheduling a massage (you can schedule this for your next day off) or going to the park and feeding the birds or watching the water or just sitting in your car or under a tree, listening to some music or catching up on that book that’s been collecting dust on your shelf, that you promised to read months ago. You may have to think about a couple of simple things that you can do, but trust me – it’ll be worth it. Have you checked out your downtown yet?, I love walking into shops and just looking around. **Getting a good night’s rest, helps your mental clarity and health also – even if you have to schedule it; just make sure you stick to it!**

Sometimes, you gotta keep it a secret ðŸ¤«

Okay, so I’m still working on being good at this BUT – sometimes you can’t tell people when you’re off work or if you’re leaving work early OR have some spare time in your day (unless you plan to hang out with them) I say this because sometimes people have a tendency to add their to-do list on your off day. Unless it’s an emergency and people need to know you’re off for a particular reason…..It’s okay to keep the day a Hush Hush. Especially if you want to get in some extra sleep or just lounge around the house in your jammies, sipping some tea or coffee and reading the newspaper or catching up on your favorite show (now that you have the remote all to yourself). If you constantly sound the alarm when you’re off of work…..you’ll never get any rest.

Hey, Let’s Walk It Out ðŸ‘ŸðŸ‘Ÿ

Exercise (as I’ve come to really know it) is a great stress relief – it gets those endorphins going and those energy levels up, making you sure to conquer the day – no matter how hard it may be. Do you eat lunch at your desk (I’m so guilty of this one)….I’m learning to stop eating lunch at my desk andddddd also, learning to leave the desk and take a walk. Sometimes, I’ll even go to my car let my seat back and turn on some music and take a nap or just eat and relax, I also take a walk around outside – especially when the day is beautiful. Walking has major benefits, for your mind and your health – it helps you de-stress from a long, busy and hectic day.

There is only one YOU and you only get one BODY, don’t lean on the motto of “I’ll rest when I’m dead” because we all will, one day but that day doesn’t have to be rushed. While, we must werk, werk, werk to make sure our necessities are not interrupted; we must take out time to make sure our mental stress and mindsets are also on our to-do list of important things to take care of as well…..

What do you do to maintain your stress levels?

Mental-Exhaustion2

 

Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

P.S. I have a BIG, HUGE Announcement on Next Thursday 4/5/18 – Stay Tuned!!

 

Feel Free to Follow Me on These Sites5_ (2)

Advertisements

What Are You Waiting For?…Your Time Is Now!!!

I hope this video inspires you to stop waiting for that “perfect” moment to happen or take place because in reality – there are no “perfect” moments and there never will be. All moments, time, dreams and goals start with you my friend.

Don’t wait for it to happen – You have to get out there and MAKE IT HAPPEN!! You have the ability, so therefore you have no excuses!

Be Encouraged!

 

Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

Let’s Live Well, Laugh Loud & Love Hard!

Answering Work Emails On the Weekends? Yes or No…

I was talking with a friend recently and she began to discuss with me how her boss emails her on the weekends and this isn’t a once in a while occurrence – this is every single weekend, nonstop. As she began to describe the feelings of “job commitment” that comes over her when she taps the respond button, I began to think about how I too was in her same shoes and would answer all sorts of emails from work “on my weekends” and “days off” YES! you can say I was quite the committed employee. As someone whom wanted to always make a good impression with my boss; I later realized that I had taken on a whole lot more than I could chew.

Model employee you could say, but was that really coming across to my boss because I answered multiple emails on the weekends? Uhhh—–NO! One email answered at 10pm one night, changed my life forever. It was a night in which I had nothing to do and just happened to browse my work email (in which I had coming to my phone) and seen that my boss had emailed me to ask a question, to their surprise – I answered them back. “I wasn’t expecting you to answer this time of night?” they explained and I said “Oh, it was no problem.” While they assured me that answering emails after hours or on weekends was not necessary, I continued to do it and they soon took it as “This girl is available at all times” and used it to their advantage, not only them but multiple people after them. I had set myself up as the availability gal in which you could email at any time and get a response.

Work Emails3
Answering work emails during your “personal time” can become complicated

While this was fun and liberating at first, it soon became a nightmare. Suddenly I was getting emails at the most awkward times of the night or day. They usually trickled in during the time in which I was spending with family, friends or having a mental health day. What had I started!!, my life was beginning to turn into a 365, 7day a week, 24 hours a day job. I suddenly realized that I had no time for myself as I soon began going in to work on weekends, Sundays included and stay extra hours after work and to answer emails on top of all that —– My job seemed like it was becoming a never ending story. Once you put yourself out there to be the “IT” person – everything changes, including your personal life.

I abruptly decided one day to just shut down the email on my phone altogether. I also stopped going in on weekends and while I do have my current job email coming to my phone now, I only check it or respond when I feel it’s an emergency that needs to be handled right away. If not, then it can wait till Monday. You see?, I felt that if I answered emails on the weekends that it would make me a more valuable employee but what it made me was a robot. I never received any awards, recognition or cool points with the boss because I answered an email after hours or on weekends and my pay definitely didn’t change. So who was I really doing this for and why had I subjected myself to this task? Because I wanted to show my boss they could count on me – no matter what.

And while that’s all good, it wasn’t good for my health; sanity or livelihood – so something had to change and change FAST!

Do you feel obligated to answer work emails after hours or weekends? Well, if you’re feeling the pressure – Don’t worry, just take the necessary steps below:

Just Say No

work email4
There’s no harm in saying NO!

Don’t get me wrong, we all work jobs in which we want to be relevant and deemed as a good employee but there has to be a line crossed somewhere. When we constantly say YES to everything our boss shoots our way, we put ourselves in position to not have feelings, a say or an opinion about anything. It’s okay to say NO sometimes. Especially if it’s going to interfere with your life outside of the workplace or office. They can’t fire you for saying NO.

Have a Conversation with the Boss

USA, New Jersey, Jersey City, Business man and woman arguing
Check with your Boss to see what their idea of after hours entails

You might want to see where your boss stands on how they want you to respond to emails during your off hours and is it a requirement. Personally, I used to have a boss that would send me emails after hours but only because if they didn’t do it right away, they would forget to and working at night was sort of their down time in which they used to respond to emails. So, get your bosses opinion on what they would like you to do concerning it. You may also want to let them know that your off hours and  weekends are very busy. Express the fact that if they do send an email, you may not respond until the next workday. This will let your boss know your stance on after hour emails and that they should not expect a response.

Expectations, Expectation, Expectations – Watch Out!

Word Expectations on ascending arrow above bar graph
The more you put yourself out, The more will be expected of you.

Ever noticed how when you do something for a person one time – they tend to take advantage of you doing it that one time and consistently come back to you again and again expecting you to do the same thing? That’s how we can become when we give of ourselves more than we should. It’s okay to be nice and kind but at the end of the day, you’re required to perform your job duties (that’s what you get paid for) anything in over excess to that can lead people to expect more from you than you’re willing to give. Only give what you can afford to give away because your time is precious.

Self-Care is the Best Care

self-care-b
Self Care will Save your Life

Whether it’s concerning work or anything else that may be pressing in your life. You must take care of yourself, including your sanity. I’ve been on jobs where I’ve over exhausted myself trying to prove or show how good of an employee I was and at the end of the day, I was the one with the swollen ankles, extreme headache and body aches. I was literally stressing myself out, while I made others feel comfy, cozy. Just as your boss needs their time, so do you. You’re no good to them, the business or organization if you’re spazzed out, stressed or in the hospital. Learn to turn off your email notifications from work or just don’t answer them at all. While that may be hard to do (because it was for me) you have to realize that you’re only one person and if something happens to you; will they come to your aide? No…(yes they’ll be concerned but the job must and always will go on, whether you’re there or not)

That’s sad to say, but in reality – we only get one life, one chance and one opportunity to make the best of it as much as possible and I can think of a million things for you to do besides answering that annoying email message from you know who. Life is short my friend and those after hour/weekend emails can wait…Life, unfortunately cannot.

All images used were courtesy of Bing ~

 

Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

Let’s Live Well, Laugh Loud & Love Hard!

A Comfortable PAST = A Dim Future…

Crossing out Lies and writing Truth on a blackboard.
Quote taken from frankiejohn.blogspot.com

I have to be honest with you; I’m a failure at leaving the PAST alone. For some reason and I’ll explain why shortly, I always find myself going backwards instead of forwards. I mean, my mind says go forward all day long, but my body definitely has its own agenda and mindset. What is it about our past that keeps us stuck in the same place? I tell you what it is, it’s Comfortable. Sort of like that good ole’ soul food mama used to cook every Sunday. It’s a comfort that just feels good to your mind, body and soul.

But there are quite a few things from our past that aren’t good for the mind, body nor soul and that’s when the ghosts of times past haunt you down, grab you and don’t let go…but, you have control over this; control that I had never exercised until this past Sunday. It’s a shame how certain circumstances present themselves as “Wake up Calls” – in your life.  Me and my Past were the best of friends and I always felt comfortable  because it felt so good; I knew my way around every corner and nothing ever came as a surprise because I knew what was going on: I was in control of that destiny and to be honest? I liked it that way, having control of what would and would not happen.

When it came to relationships – whether friendships or personal ones; if they ended really badly, I would be sad about it, but I would move forward. Months or even a year or two after the air cleared, the door to that relationship would open up again and guess who always went back through the door…..ME! During this time, things would always seem good at first; but then it’s like old patterns would start to take shape again and I found myself getting frustrated by the whole scenario. Sometimes when things are over, they are meant to be over…FOR GOOD!

My “PAST” downfalls were always falling prey to old “boyfriend” relationships – It’s funny because when you’re in a relationship with someone it seems like they never understand or see how great you are or how much they need you until you’re gone. It seemed as though when they weren’t satisfied with “the woman” they were with, then I would get the call, the text, the email or the social media message of “Hey, I miss you” usually this always happens when I’ve come to grips with being single and satisfied. But instead of shewing them off, I entertain their conversations of “I miss you” and “You know you were the one that got away” or “I would do anything for you” and this was my favorite one, “Hey, you remember when we did?” They would always bring up things from the past, things that I could relate to and suddenly I would find myself thinking “Did God make a mistake?” That’s what happened to me this past Sunday, I realized that I had let my past come back to haunt me and I became all caught up in the game. The thing about this game was that it had been in half-time mode and there was no clock that ticked down to make it start again. It was just stuck in the same place…this game is known as “The Past”

past mistakes

The thing about the past is this, it never talks about the present nor the future; the only thing it knows and always speak of are past things, past situations, past occurrences, past mistakes, past hurts, past memories, past fun, past good times, past sorrows…get my drift? No matter how much they mention the present or the future; it’s short lived because the only conversation that’s in their vocabulary is…..THE PAST. It wasn’t until one of those past relationships went seriously wrong on Sunday that I realized, that’s why they call the past the past. Once I went into my contacts to delete them permanently,  I suddenly realized that I had every person from my PAST in there. Every guy that hurt me, whether the relationship ended in chaos or even without a proper good-bye I still had contact with them and talked with them on occasion. Why was I doing this?

No wonder I couldn’t move on to the future because I had stopped by the wayside of Times Past Highway to pick up old weeds and shrubs along the way; loosing focus on someone or something that doesn’t have the power to push you forward is a total loss and shame to you and your beautiful destiny. Let me tell you, if that person or thing was a part of God’s will to be in your life or on your path, do you actually think they wouldn’t have been? God is not the type of person that says “Oops! You know – I was actually meaning for you to get with that person or the one to say; Aww!! Man; my bad. I didn’t mean for them to get married to that person but to you.” As funny as this might sound, we have to trust that when God removes someone out of our lives; it doesn’t mean that, that person is bad – it just means their time in your life is up. But if we keep allowing them to feed us the past, we will never get a chance to see who we really are, what the future really holds for us or the wonderful person we’re really supposed to be with.

Sunday, I got rid of all the Ghosts of Times Past, their numbers – email addresses, text messages and social media feeds, I even went as far as changing my number. Because when you’re done with the past, you need to make the necessary changes to get rid of it; while this was a hard thing to do, I knew within my heart of hearts, it had to happen. I now realize that I was the one keeping me back from true happiness and a destiny filled with unknown surprises and I want to experience and see what the future has in store. I can’t change the past, nor the mistakes, pitfalls, slip-ups or regrets that I made concerning it, but I can forgive myself and move forward and not invite anything from the past into my future.

Dealing with my past relationships, made me also realize that I never really gave myself a chance to be wonderful, I was so used to going backwards and giving myself up to has beens, until I felt like that was all I had to offer. Now I’ve chosen the path of love, self-care and reflection. Who am I? And What am I? – Well, I’m still really unsure, but I’ve packed my bags and boarding the flight to self-discovery to hunt for who I’ve not yet become and I’m going to make it happen. I don’t know what you’re holding on to today in your past but I say LET IT GO! Your future desires your full attention and if you give it a shot – you’ll be surprised at some of the amazing things it has in store for you; but only after you let GO of the Ghost of times PAST first.

The Past4

 

Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

Let’s Live Well, Laugh Loud & Love Hard!

** ** **

Feel free to comment or email us @ justsuminspiration@gmail.com

For Daily Inspiration, you can follow us on one or all of the social media sites below:

Facebook:   JustsumInspiration for the Mind, Body & Soul

Instagram: justsuminspiration2u

Twitter:      jus2inspireu

Let’s Face It, Everyone’s Not Going to Like You…

test

I used to be a very shy child, who was always deemed as “The Quiet One” – now this had good points and bad points. One of the good points was that, everyone thought I was nice and easy to get along with – they seemed to know this without even talking with me first. The bad point of being labeled as quiet was that people (a.k.a extended family) thought I was sneaky, or that I would be the one that would “Wild Out in Promiscuity” and be super naive’ to the point of where I would run off with any guy and get pregnant at a young age; I might have been quiet, but I wasn’t stupid.

Being a person that suffered badly from low self-esteem and self-image, I didn’t think to much of myself on the outside; but my insides were bursting with colors. I just didn’t know how to bring that party on the outside. When I turned 30 (I know, late bloomer), it was then that I began to see “ME” for whom I really was – Beautiful, Bold, Lovely and Amazing. I realized at that moment, that I did have something to offer the world and that it was okay to be different; in mind and opinion. I not only began to beat to my own drum but noticed that instead of thriving to follow others, I had others wanting to be as confident as I was and followed me.

When the inner party came to the outside, I noticed that I not only had a good personality but had the look to match it. The girl that wanted everyone to focus on her personality and bypass her appearance of frumpy clothes, tied back hair and no make-up had suddenly found her own fashion and rocked it. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m an around the way girl, so when I started to care about what clothes I was putting on my body, it was salvation army and Roses’ all the way honey. You’ll be surprised at what you’ll find. I love the S.A! ALL DAY!

With this new found confidence you would think that I would have a host of friends – BUT! the lie detector test determined THAT WAS A LIE! I quickly realized that my new found self-discovery didn’t register with everyone as everybody didn’t like the new inspirational, loving, self-motivated, sees the good in everything, confident of who she is, loves her body, mind and soul ME!. I thought that just because I had a wonderful personality and could get along with a variety of people that everyone would generally flock to me, but that also was determined to not be a true fact. It didn’t take long for me to realize that my infectious good spirit and nature would not resonate with everyone. I had developed a complex of wanting everyone to like me and when one or two people didn’t, I ran myself crazy trying to figure out why? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME!!

Sadness3
Sadness from Disney Pixar’s movie “Inside Out” (2015)

People’s negativity towards me, literally almost made me change my outlook on being the so-called wonderful, smiley person that I had become outwardly. I found myself hiding my smile, shielding my personality and adopting the “if you can’t beat’em, join’em motto.” But why join the crowd, when I was obviously born to STAND OUT! It was then that I realized, everyone’s not going to like nor accept you – so what are you going to do…

A MOMENT OF TRUTH?!?: Not everyone liked or loved Jesus Christ, but regardless of what people thought, said or felt about him or his presence; he was on a mission. If he had gotten all caught in people’s emotions towards him, he would have never completed the mission or fulfilled his purpose. He would have left us all in the balances to fend for ourselves. So, if they didn’t love or like Jesus; savior of the world? Who are you to get offended because you’re not being liked or accepted.

We live in a society that feeds off of acceptance and likes – you can see that all over social media. In this life, if you’re never liked or accepted by someone then that shouldn’t dull your shine on the magnificent person you are. Not only that, you have to do like I did and think; that’s only a few people – I bet if you look in your circle or around you, there are lives that you’ve changed and a host of people that think you’re AWESOME! so it doesn’t matter what the crumbs think. When people make a sandwich, they make it with two slices of bread and they eat it – can you imagine someone making a sandwich with just the crumbs? It wouldn’t be a very good sandwich, now would it. You may say, what does bread have to do with.

I want you to focus on the fullness of your life – there will be crumbs scattered along the way, but they hold no substance and are not fulfilling and therefore will not bring greatness to your life or your belly.

While everyone may not like you and WHO CARES! The only person you should be concerned about pleasing and being pleased with you is God; he says in Psalms 139:14 that you are fearfully and wonderfully made and the next person whose opinions should matter is YOURS! I no longer worry if people like me or not, want to hang with me or not, call me or not or say crazy things about me because of my personality or self-confidence and my ability to say NO to foolishness. I think I’m great and as long as I’m in good spirits about whose I am and who I am – I’ll continue to be happy and beat to my own DRUM!

Liking Me
All pictures are courtesy of Bing

 

Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

Let’s Live Well, Laugh Loud & Love Hard!

** ** **

Feel free to comment or email us @ justsuminspiration@gmail.com

For Daily Inspiration, you can follow us on one or all of the social media sites below:

Facebook:   JustsumInspiration for the Mind, Body & Soul

Instagram: justsuminspiration2u

Twitter:      jus2inspireu