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I Need Help! Can Someone Get Me A Counselor, Please?

Published on March 5, 2020April 15, 2020 by Roshonda BLeave a comment

Featured Image Credit: Defendernetwork.com

Okay, say it with me…

THERE’S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH GETTING HELP!

Now that you’ve said that, let’s dig into my topic above. March in my mind is Mental Health Awareness month, now before you get all technical with me, I know there’s a mental health awareness day somewhere during the year but if you ask me? It can be anytime you realize or come to grips that you seriously need to talk to someone.

That’s the realization I came to last month. I’m always there for other people, I always take out time to listen to them, their problems, issues, hurts, habits and hang-ups and I really do listen. Once their through talking, I give my two cents on the matter, in most cases I’ve prayed with them or include them in my prayers once the convo is over and they go on their merry way. NOW, how does this all play out when I need someone to talk too???

Do you hear the crickets??..

Yes, that’s usually what I hear OR if I do talk to someone, it’ll start out being about my issue and somehow it reverts to their issue and I end up helping them through theirs without getting my issue dissected. I once was friends with someone who did this on MORE than one occasion. I’d always love seeing them and hanging out, they’ll ask me about my day and how things have been going with me and I’ll respond and the next thing you know, there on themselves, their life, their goals, their family, their business and their this and their that and the list goes on and on and on. Most times by the time they’d work their way back around to what I had to say, I’d be too exhausted to answer them and all I can get out is…

“Everything’s Just Fine” but in my head, that was a LIE!

Anywho, that’s been my life with friendships and unfortunately personal relationships as well. I’ve always put others before “ME” and last month I found myself doing that yet again and decided that enough was enough. I have to talk to someone and if I can’t find people around me that’s willing to listen, I’d find a counselor that will.

Here’s what I found out with my insurance plan in regards to mental health and some tips on how you can put yourself FIRST starting now in 2020. Because It’s never too late…

Check your insurance plan

Mental health is on the rise and I’m so happy that more and more people are discussing it, the more we talk about it the less taboo it’ll feel. It’s nothing to be ashamed of either, hey – we can ALL use a mental check. In pursuing a counselor, I googled my insurance to see what counselors/offices accept it. Once I went through the list provided, I then called my insurance company to see if these doctors were in-network or out of network. Luckily the one I chose was in-network. Out-of-network is okay just know that you’ll be paying a little more in co-pay. I also found out that my co-pay was $25 and that my plan came with unlimited visits for that amount. Now that’s a win-win, so don’t be afraid to reach out to your insurance carrier, after all – that’s what you’re paying for every month. Might as well take advantage of it.

Realize Your Limits

Maybe seeing a therapist is NOT on your to-do list at the moment and that’s okay. However, you need to realize when you’ve reached your limit in a conversation. In the past, I’ve talked to people and have gotten the worst headache/migraine afterward or just felt like – BLAH!! We have to realize and I totally believe in this, people transfer their energy onto you. While you want to help a friend, you have to think about your sanity and your Feng sui as well. It can be thrown completely off if your friend is going on and on and on again about the same old drama you gave her or him pointers on months ago. Self-care is the best care. Sometimes you just have to say, “Look I gotta go” or “I just had something to come up – can I call you back?” learn to give yourself a BREAK even in the midst of a convo. And you better believe, your sanity is awaiting to applaud you.

You Better Get Selfish

This goes into the “Self-Care” regimen. I’m learning this even now, you don’t have to respond to every text or answer every call (unless it’s life or death) at the drop of a hat because someone needs you. You need you, your body and mind need you to be able to think clearly and focus on you and your needs. If you give EVERYONE in the world your time or what little you have after a long day of work. Then what’s left for you? Oh, my bad – THE BED! because that’s exactly where you’ll be going and nobody has time to work, do family, put out fires with your friends and etc and NOT be able to stay awake for at least 2 hours to do something for yourself. Life wasn’t set up for you to be that way, but you know how life works – it goes in the direction you lead it. Think about it.

Truth brings — CHANGE

I’ve had my share of toxic friendships and relationships, the thing is I didn’t really know they were toxic until they left me broke, dry and questioning my own sanity. Our life lets in what we put out – if you keep talking to people that just don’t get it or that keeps you in a box, everything else that comes your way will be the same way. We have to learn to speak up and I’m preaching to the choir on this one, I don’t speak up enough. I let things go on and I accept people’s “ish” because I either don’t want to lose them or afraid I’m being too pushy with my standards, so I digress. The one thing I have to constantly drill in my head is, to be honest with myself as well as the people around me. If it means they’ll leave me, then let them. It just means they were out of place in my life anyway. If it makes me uncomfortable, say it. If I feel as though I’m giving 100% and only getting 20% in return? then leave! And you know what? you don’t have to give ANYONE an explanation for doing so.

**

Life is ALL about making the right choices that will push us forward into being the GREAT and AMAZING beings we were created to be in the first place and if that means being a little selfish and/or getting a little help along the way to accomplish that? Then, by all means, DO IT!

Do you have a counselor or go to therapy sessions? How do you handle a convo that pushes you past your mental limit? Sound off in the comments!

Can I have My Deposit Back – PLEASSSSEEEEE!!

Published on March 21, 2019April 18, 2019 by Roshonda B2 Comments

True Story – I mean all my stories are true but you get it =)

In 2007 after living in an apartment with someone with HUGE feet living above me, Oh gosh – the noise and stomping. I can’t even begin to explain the torture, any-who I decided to move out and move into a nice little quaint house on the other side of town. I inquired about it, looked at it and had a sit down with the landlords in which were an elderly couple (names I shall not say), but they were super nice. The only thing they wanted was someone to take care of the place. While the place was really small, it had a load of character in which I loved.

Immediately I began to see where I would put all my furniture and how I was going to make smaller areas, such as my bedroom work. The washer and dryer was going to have to be in the kitchen, a feature I didn’t particularly like, but hey. It had loads of charm and it was well maintained. It had a very nice backyard with a storage building. So any furniture I was not going to be able to fit into the space, could easily go into there.

Another feature I didn’t notice but quickly became annoyed with was the fact that the house was 15 steps from the local AIRPORT!!! Geeshhh, you know how you get so gung ho and excited over something until you forget the MAJOR details! I’m so like that. But, it had loads of charm! A three bedroom 2 full bath, who can beat that and the kitchen was even big enough for me to put in a computer desk for my office. How cool was that!

Immediately with the place, I would say about a week or two in – I seen a huge water bug making it’s way out of the kitchen. Scared the living daylights out of me…but it wasn’t the last one, it seemed like when we moved in – a whole other family moved into the furnishings as well. It was indeed water bug city! I immediately told the couple about this and they suggested I put down sticky traps along the walls and that I did…while it helped some, the kicker was a BIGGER than life one crawling across my TV screen as I watched the news one morning….I was livid! I had a 8 month old and a 1.5 year old at the time and I was so scared one of those suckers was going to bite them or get into my son’s crib or my daughters BED! Needless to say and to make a long story short, after living there for about a year and a half, I decided it was time to go.

The elderly couple that seemed so nice in the beginning turned into monsters in the end!

I cleaned the place to the best of my ability and mind you, as with moving you will have a load of stuff to throw away and I made sure it was placed neatly in front of the house so the garbage people can pick it up. I left the house in good standing. No rips or tears anywhere and it was clean….so now I awaited my 500 dollar deposit to come into the mail. A deposit that I never received.

What I did receive was a letter from the couple citing that I had lost and/or misplaced a couple things of theirs and they charged the heck out of me for it:

Missing curtains that were hung up to the window when they showed the place that were no longer there. Now I don’t know if these curtains were new, but they charged me store prices for all 4 curtains!
Missing stove and AC unit manuals that were not in the drawer when I left.
Burners for the stove that were not replaced
The trash that was left out front – Yeah, they charged me for that too.
The clear shower curtains that were not on the shower rods and they charged me for the rods as well.
Painting and a whole lot of other stuff that I can’t even name or was unaware of and they tacked on the charges majorly….like those manuals? Yeah, they called the company and found out how much it would cost to get another one and it wasn’t cheap!

By the time they got done calculating and adding things up that didn’t make a lick of sense, I not only wasn’t getting my deposit back but I had owed them money, money in which they put me on a payment plan to pay back $25.00 a month until the balance of 200.00 was paid in full, this was two hundred after the five hundred I didn’t receive. I was SOOOOOOOOOOO (excuse my language) PISSED! I called them both RAGING in fury, crying and cursing them out to the top of my lungs and then I hung the phone up in their faces.

Now, I’m not proud of my actions as they were elderly and I should’ve showed them respect, no matter how they acted – but I wanted my deposit back!!!!!!! Hence the move, I ended up back at my parents house and was looking forward to that money to help alleviate some irons I had in the fire – owing someone was NOT what I was expecting, BUT it happened.

Recently, I just moved and since that move. I got my full deposit back. While that issue with the elderly couple was a tragic one, it was also an eye-opening one that taught me a valuable lesson going forward and I want to share a couple of tips with you in regards to it!

FIRST THOUGH…..

Image credit: Bing/livingwordmontrose.com

Every landlord is NOT created equal. People say private owners are better but I’ve had both and each had their own set of rules and regulations. Private owners are a little more relaxed but you have to make sure – you get all your “I’s” and “T’s” crossed! and please by ALL means, if you don’t understand something – ASK QUESTIONS and read the lease thoroughly (especially the move out section), because the information that’s contained in it, can come back to haunt you later.

NOW FOR THE TIPS….

Image credit: Bing/steinbachapartments.com

1. Do a complete walk thru of the place before you move in. Make sure you look for anything that may not look right to you. Bulbs, sockets, paint, previous holes that may be in the wall, under the sinks, the toilets – I mean everything and make a list of those findings and give it to the landlord, this ensures that you are not charged with anything that was previously there prior to moving in.

2. Be careful of the pictures you hang on the wall. I know in my earlier years of renting, I was a landlords nightmare! because I absolutely love decorating. I would hang big art on the walls and some of it would be heavy, causing me to use an anchor or a heavier nail or screw. And trust me, I got dinged for my creativeness when it came down to getting back that deposit. While landlords cannot take away your deposit due to normal wear and tear of a property, such as (paint, carpet and etc – depending on how long you’re there) They can deduct if the walls are damaged from either hanging pics that are too big or major holes caused by you. Make sure you get those patched up before leaving.

3. Are there things in the apartment or house prior to you moving in? As I stated above in my own story. The landlords had put up curtains and shower curtains and rods and so forth to make the place look nice. If there is anything of the such hanging up prior to your move in, ask the landlord are those your items to keep or would they like them back. Another thing you could do is take them all down and place them in a box labeled “Decorative items prior to move in” so you can make sure those items go right back up when you leave. It sounds petty but….as you seen with my story, it was a SERIOUS thing!

4. It’s wise if you do a walk-through of your place prior to leaving. Check everything and determine what you need to do to either fix it or call a professional to get it prepared. And if you can, try and replace the things that may have gotten damaged prior to you staying there, especially if it was in good condition before you moved in.

5. Take a video and or pictures of the place prior to moving out and keep receipts of everything that you might have replaced or gotten fixed. This covers you should you have a slumlord that thinks he’s keeping your deposit. Speaking of which and every state is different. Make sure you check with your state to see the time-frame a landlord has to return your deposit. For NC it’s 30 days, some landlords will give it back to you sooner than that, while others will stretch it out. Knowing this information will help you know when to expect it.

Bonus Tip: Be clear in the beginning about what your deposit will be used for. Either the last month’s rent or the deposit in which you’re expected to get back, should the place be in good standing. Talk with your landlord about this as most people confuse the deposit to be the last month’s rent and unless your landlord has told you differently. Then know that it’s clearly a deposit only.

I have one last tip and that’s How to Properly decorate your new “rental” space! Sometimes we can go a little overboard. That’s next week, so stay tuned!

How To Keep Going, When You’re Out of Steam!

Published on June 14, 2018 by 4 Comments

photo above and below all courtesy of bing/loosingsteam

This topic was submitted by Tracy C – Justsuminspiration FB follower

Ever had that time when you were up to your eyeballs in trying to get things done and was wishing that someone would ask you for help? But, when asked if you needed help, you just put a BIG/HUGE smile on your face and said nicely “Oh, No – I’m good, I got It” only to turn around and burst into tears because you really did need help, you just didn’t want to bother anybody or felt like if you asked them or showed them what to do, you’ll just have to re-do it all anyway because “nobody can do it like you?”

Continue reading “How To Keep Going, When You’re Out of Steam!” →

Q&A: Okay, So How “MAY” I Help You…

Published on May 3, 2018 by 10 Comments

OMGosh!!! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, where has the TIME GONE! First there was January, then there was MAY! I can’t say I even remember too much about the months in between. Anywho, I hope you’re having a great day and hopefully the weather is sunny and warm where you are because it’s definitely been a LONGGGGGGGGG Winter, so long until it overlapped into Spring!

While I feel as though Spring is just beginning, usually the spring season brings on new ideas, it’s a time in which we can clean up the cobwebs of winter and make everything airy and decluttered and while I still have that on my to-do list to complete in my own house – I have to say, that I’m suffering from a big brain cobweb. Yep! the ideas of what to post about for this month, seemed to skip past me like the mailman does when I’m looking for a check, instead of a nagging bill.

You know?, I’ve been blogging for 3yrs now and I have to say – when I first started, I had no idea as to what I was going to talk about, it was like this blank canvas was in front of me and I had to find some way of coloring it. I was so nervous, “What have I just done?” I asked myself, right after I got the message “Your Blog JustsumInspiration is up and ready! “Oh No!!….what seemed like a good idea, now had my mouth filled with cotton balls. But, Thank God – topics, situations and life events all flooded my mind within that first month and has never stopped until NOW. Sooo, you might be wondering…Okay, Ro – so what are getting at……

I NEED TOPICSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

Do you have any??? – I know Mother’s Day week is next week and I believe I have about two rabbits in my hat that I can pull off a couple of tricks with, but after that – I DON’T KNOW, YIKESSSS!

McCauley Culkin1 — *McCauley Culkin/Home Alone – Gif*

So, that’s where you come in at – I know for the past three years, I’ve been doing a lot of talking and kind of testing the waters with life experiences and certain topics and that’s been great, but now I have to ask you – Is there a Particular topic you would like for me to talk about? (Anything but Politics, because I’m just not that clever or knowledgeable on the subject) however; everything else is up for grabs.

I want to know what you would like to see featured on the Blog – Do you have a burning question or are you puzzled about something and need some advice? Is there a subject matter you hadn’t seen me talk about and you want me to talk about it? Just let me know!!….I’m here to serve you. It can be topics about me, about you, life, God or whatever. I’m not claiming to know EVERYTHING in the world, but I’ve been through quite a bit of things and can maybe offer some insight. Would you like more short stories?, I had a blogger (Driftyness) to state that she liked the short story posts and would like to see more of those and because of that request, I decided at the end of each month – I would post an original short story that was written by me!

So, this month – the ball is in your court. Let me me know what you’d like to talk about and I’ll see what I can “cook up” in this brain of mine.

State your topic of interest in the comments! I’ll be patiently waiting….

If you submit a topic, I’ll be sure to give you a shout out at the beginning of the post. If you’re not a blogger but a visitor – then please send your email address to justsuminspiration@gmail.com and I’ll email you when your post is about to be featured. If you’re a blogger, I’ll also give you a shout out with a link to your blog so people can visit your site or social media site. (Hey, we’re helpers one to another – right? =)

Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

A Gallon A Day? No Way!!!

Published on January 23, 2018January 22, 2018 by Roshonda B8 Comments

photo above courtesy of pinterest

First I want to say, that of course I’m no expert on this subject. Months or even a year ago, I would have laughed in your face if you told me to drink a gallon of water a day. Butttt….this year I’m on a whole new bandwagon and I’m loving it. I read an article one time about Gabrielle Union and how she drinks a gallon of water a day, I began to think; how in the world does she do that on her very hectic, yet busy schedule – but if she’s doing it the way I’ve been doing it, then I can see how it would be possible, not just for her but for anyone – you just have to be a little creative with it.

First, not that you probably don’t already know or have heard…let me give you just a little background on water and it’s benefits of drinking it, especially in the morning:

Water helps to balance your lymph system; these much needed glands help us to balance our body fluids and help to fight off infection.
Have Skin Problems? While a dermatologist can help us figure out some things going on with problematic skin, drinking a gallon of water a day can help purge toxins from the blood, which keeps our skin glowing and clear.
Need to drop some extra pounds? Water can Help! Did you know that drinking at least 16 ounces of water first thing in the morning can boost your metabolism by 24%? & it also helps move your bowels as well.
Drinking water consistently helps to increase the production of new blood and muscle cells.
Drinking water on an empty stomach helps to purify the colon, making it easier to absorb nutrients which again, helps you to go to the bathroom….regularly….if you know what I mean.

I have to say, drinking water first thing in the morning was NOT one of my strong suits or something that I had on my to do list, but after reading the benefits of what just a 16.9oz bottle of water does to your body, I thought I’d give it a try and let me tell you, its been a life changer for me; I actually try to drink 24oz of water in the morning before I put anything into my body. I noticed my digestive system is on track to the point in where I can actually track when I’ve been and when I haven’t……I feel as though my energy has increased tremendously and for the first time in my life, I honestly feel as though my body is doing what it’s supposed to do, especially since I’m giving it what it needs to do it’s job.

As mentioned above, when I heard about Gabrielle Union drinking a gallon of water a day, I thought that would be my next goal. However; not only her but there are countless other people whom are also drinking a gallon of water a day and reaping great benefits in doing so. Now let me tell you, there are people that say you’re supposed to drink half your body weight in water a day, while I’ve heard other people state that you’re supposed to drink an ounce of water for every pound that you weigh – personally I think that’s too much water and could lead to water poisoning, because there is a such thing as drinking too much water, let’s just say I prefer to do half my body weight in water and call it a day.

Now I know you must be thinking, how in the world do you drink a gallon of water a day? Well, this is my secret – see below.

The blender bottle on the left is how I break down the gallon of water a day. It’s 20oz, about 25oz when you fill it to the top. This is my break down of the day:

Drink 20 ounces 10min after breakfast
Drink 20 ounces 2 hours later, 10min after morning snack
Drink 20 ounces 10min after lunch
Drink 20 ounces 2 hours after lunch, 10 min after evening snack
Drink 20 ounces 10min after dinner
Drink the rest of the 28 ounces prior to bed.

And yes, I go to the bathroom all day long – which is the small downfall to all of this, however; if I know I have a meeting or will be extremely busy during the day and not able to go to the bathroom every second, it seems – then I slow down on the water drinking because let’s face it, I can’t always do it everyday as I want – but I do get in enough water maybe not the whole 128 ounces of the gallon but I try to get close, sometimes I can only do 80 ounces.

Another thing I do, because the taste of water can get boring on most days – I’ll cut up some lemon or add a sugar free packet to it, especially if I feel as if I’m having a hard time getting through the gallon. My favorite sugar free packets are below:

Water - Sugar Free Packets — With only calories for half a pack, caffeine and green tea – you’ll get through that jug in no time.

Yes, it’s only 5 calories for half a pack (read the labels) but I use the whole packet and this helps me get through those challenging days of chugging the gallon and it helps. To be honest, I don’t do it everyday but only use the packets as a motivator – I don’t want to depend on the packs to get me through each gallon of water as the goal is to just drink the plain water, which to me is more beneficial.

If you decide to do the gallon a day, it’s totally up to you in how creative you want to be in getting your body and mind tricked into drinking it everyday. You can choose to write notes or short affirmations to yourself on the jug – just as the picture in the header or come up with your own way of getting it in and down your body a day; just as I did. Another tip is: You can choose to drink 8oz of water every hour or drink two 16.9oz bottles with every main meal and one bottle with every snack (which should be one or two a day).

Whatever you do, start slow and work your way up as it won’t happen overnight. Hey, the creative juices are in your hand – make it work for you, just get your daily recommended amount of water in. If you have any questions about the amount of water you’re supposed to drink, I would talk with a “certified” nutritionist or doctor because everyone’s needs and limitations are different.

Written by – Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

Don’t forget!! to come back this Thursday and read the Inspirational story of Kristi Data! Kristi will be sharing her ups of being active in organized sports to her downfall of having an eating disorder in college, so how did she bounce back? – you don’t want to miss her inspirational story.