I Need Help! Can Someone Get Me A Counselor, Please?

Featured Image Credit: Defendernetwork.com

Okay, say it with me…
THERE’S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH GETTING HELP!

Now that you’ve said that, let’s dig into my topic above. March in my mind is Mental Health Awareness month, now before you get all technical with me, I know there’s a mental health awareness day somewhere during the year but if you ask me? It can be anytime you realize or come to grips that you seriously need to talk to someone.

That’s the realization I came to last month. I’m always there for other people, I always take out time to listen to them, their problems, issues, hurts, habits and hang-ups and I really do listen. Once their through talking, I give my two cents on the matter, in most cases I’ve prayed with them or include them in my prayers once the convo is over and they go on their merry way. NOW, how does this all play out when I need someone to talk too???

Do you hear the crickets??..

Yes, that’s usually what I hear OR if I do talk to someone, it’ll start out being about my issue and somehow it reverts to their issue and I end up helping them through theirs without getting my issue dissected. I once was friends with someone who did this on MORE than one occasion. I’d always love seeing them and hanging out, they’ll ask me about my day and how things have been going with me and I’ll respond and the next thing you know, there on themselves, their life, their goals, their family, their business and their this and their that and the list goes on and on and on. Most times by the time they’d work their way back around to what I had to say, I’d be too exhausted to answer them and all I can get out is…

“Everything’s Just Fine” but in my head, that was a LIE!

Anywho, that’s been my life with friendships and unfortunately personal relationships as well. I’ve always put others before “ME” and last month I found myself doing that yet again and decided that enough was enough. I have to talk to someone and if I can’t find people around me that’s willing to listen, I’d find a counselor that will.

Here’s what I found out with my insurance plan in regards to mental health and some tips on how you can put yourself FIRST starting now in 2020. Because It’s never too late…

Check your insurance plan

Image credit: Quicken Loans

Mental health is on the rise and I’m so happy that more and more people are discussing it, the more we talk about it the less taboo it’ll feel. It’s nothing to be ashamed of either, hey – we can ALL use a mental check. In pursuing a counselor, I googled my insurance to see what counselors/offices accept it. Once I went through the list provided, I then called my insurance company to see if these doctors were in-network or out of network. Luckily the one I chose was in-network. Out-of-network is okay just know that you’ll be paying a little more in co-pay. I also found out that my co-pay was $25 and that my plan came with unlimited visits for that amount. Now that’s a win-win, so don’t be afraid to reach out to your insurance carrier, after all – that’s what you’re paying for every month. Might as well take advantage of it.

Realize Your Limits

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Maybe seeing a therapist is NOT on your to-do list at the moment and that’s okay. However, you need to realize when you’ve reached your limit in a conversation. In the past, I’ve talked to people and have gotten the worst headache/migraine afterward or just felt like – BLAH!! We have to realize and I totally believe in this, people transfer their energy onto you. While you want to help a friend, you have to think about your sanity and your Feng sui as well. It can be thrown completely off if your friend is going on and on and on again about the same old drama you gave her or him pointers on months ago. Self-care is the best care. Sometimes you just have to say, “Look I gotta go” or “I just had something to come up – can I call you back?” learn to give yourself a BREAK even in the midst of a convo. And you better believe, your sanity is awaiting to applaud you.

You Better Get Selfish

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This goes into the “Self-Care” regimen. I’m learning this even now, you don’t have to respond to every text or answer every call (unless it’s life or death) at the drop of a hat because someone needs you. You need you, your body and mind need you to be able to think clearly and focus on you and your needs. If you give EVERYONE in the world your time or what little you have after a long day of work. Then what’s left for you? Oh, my bad – THE BED! because that’s exactly where you’ll be going and nobody has time to work, do family, put out fires with your friends and etc and NOT be able to stay awake for at least 2 hours to do something for yourself. Life wasn’t set up for you to be that way, but you know how life works – it goes in the direction you lead it. Think about it.

Truth brings — CHANGE

Image credit: Bing

I’ve had my share of toxic friendships and relationships, the thing is I didn’t really know they were toxic until they left me broke, dry and questioning my own sanity. Our life lets in what we put out – if you keep talking to people that just don’t get it or that keeps you in a box, everything else that comes your way will be the same way. We have to learn to speak up and I’m preaching to the choir on this one, I don’t speak up enough. I let things go on and I accept people’s “ish” because I either don’t want to lose them or afraid I’m being too pushy with my standards, so I digress. The one thing I have to constantly drill in my head is, to be honest with myself as well as the people around me. If it means they’ll leave me, then let them. It just means they were out of place in my life anyway. If it makes me uncomfortable, say it. If I feel as though I’m giving 100% and only getting 20% in return? then leave! And you know what? you don’t have to give ANYONE an explanation for doing so.

** ** ** ** **

Life is ALL about making the right choices that will push us forward into being the GREAT and AMAZING beings we were created to be in the first place and if that means being a little selfish and/or getting a little help along the way to accomplish that? Then, by all means, DO IT!

Do you have a counselor or go to therapy sessions? How do you handle a convo that pushes you past your mental limit? Sound off in the comments!

Make Time For Who?….YOU!! – Simple Self-Care Tips For The Busy Person In Us All.

Feature Image: Bing/Huffpost UK


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I don’t know about you, but I’ve heard the statement above quite a plenty in my life time. So, what do people mean when they say “Take Care of Yourself” it’s literally a statement that seems to be said more than it’s done because in reality, How many of us really do it?

Which brings me to my next question: “How does one really take care of themselves?”

Most people tend to think Self-Care is all about the loofah’s and the lotions and going on some expensive spa date with the girls or guys and don’t get me wrong, that’s a part of it – but it’s not the WHOLE cake of the matter, if you can see that analogy. It’s just the icing; the outer part but it doesn’t begin to touch the core of what self-care really is.

I love this statement/quote – in which pretty much sums it up.

Self-Care is not Selfish. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.

Eleanor Brownn with 2 N’s – eleanorbrownn.com

We’re ALLLL busy, I mean every single one of us. If we’re not engulfed in our careers, thinking about how to make money, raising a family together or alone, taking care of an ill parent, parents or child, trying to be a good friend or trying to fit in with the “in” crowd, managing our own health (if we don’t overlook it trying to make sure someone else manages theirs…been there?) or just catering to everyone else’s need except our own…..self-care can be pushed to the back burner when it comes to our own sanity.

Sometimes after giving so much of ourselves to others, there’s literally only one thing left for us and that’s “THE BED!” because we’re too burned out to do anything else. I get it, life gets busy and when it does, it seems to never stop. However, if you don’t take control of LIFE…? I’m sure you can finish that sentence, right?…

The tips below are not new or rocket science, but they are tips that I use to take command over life, even if it’s just for 5 min. Maybe they’ll be able to help you too OR get you back on track to taking care of the person that matters the most and that’s YOU! (And No, that’s not selfish to say)

Self-Care involves:

The Mind


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You’ve heard the saying “A MIND is a terrible thing to waste” and it’s true, especially when it comes to self-care. It’s amazing how we exhaust our mental capacity on things that ruin our day or mood. It doesn’t help the case either when we consistently think about it or go to sleep with it on our minds. The older I’ve gotten I realized that I have to protect my energy and my mind when it comes to negative thoughts, negative images, negative news and NEGATIVE PEOPLE! (see how I bolded that last statement). We have to choose our battles wisely…even the more when it comes to our mental health.

MIND Suggestions:

  • Turn off the news (it’s always negative) and I’ve determined that watching too much of it, ruins my mood and effect my sleep pattern.
  • Have you heard of Luminosity? I love this game, it’s a fit game for you mind. It has a lot of little puzzles that challenge your cognitive thinking, it’s a mindless activity that gets my mind off of other things.
  • A cross word puzzle, puzzle or other word games are good to play to keep your mind sharp.
  • Last but certainly not least, meditation music or just taking 5 min, even if it’s after work in your car. Tends to work wonders for your mental sanity.

The Body


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Our body is the first thing that feels the effects of any stress that we may endure or have going on. It’s a shame that we neglect it often and push it past it’s limits just to do the things “we” deem as necessary. My mom used to always say “You don’t ever want your body to become your enemy” and boy was she right. It can turn on you at any second, in which is why it’s a good thing to take care of it, after-all; we only get one of them.

BODY Suggestions:

  • Plan a walk. I tend to be more motivated when I have people that are willing to do this with me, but taking a walk is always a good destresser.
  • A little sun doesn’t hurt – as an African American woman I’ve been told by doctors that we don’t get enough sun, in which is why we have to take high dosages of Vitamin D. But a little sun in your face or down your back is good, if you can stand it =)
  • Massages are LIFE! – I always tell people, if I get a little extra or if God sees fit for me to get a little money….I would personally hire a masseuse! Massages are great for your body and relieves stress, it’s also good for the mind too.
  • Oh and eating healthy is always a good choice for your body!

The Soul


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Your soul is very, very important. It’s good to be able to connect with a higher power. Whether you believe in God or not – spiritual renewal, prayer, meditation, reading scriptures or listening to a good inspirational or motivational sermon, teaching or talk always brings balance to your inner core, which most times is the beginning of everything. If we can get our soul in order, it tends to make everything else come to order as well. I like to spend time with God, reading scripture or just listening to meditation music or gospel songs, this tends to mend me back together on the inside and reflects positively on the outside.

SOUL Suggestions:

  • Donate to your favorite charity, it’s nothing like being able to give back instead of always take.
  • Watch the clouds – Yes, you read that right. It’s something about looking up at the clouds that’s so spiritual and good to me. I have a favorite spot at my job that I go and do this on my lunch break or just getting up from my seat to go take a break. It’s the first place I go, it helps to do this because we’re high up. I just stand there and look and most times I’m talking to God. It’s a small thing, but I find such peace and tranquility just looking out that window and looking up.
  • Ever eat or drink alone? – Going places alone to some people may seem a bit daunting, but it’s actually good. It’s just you and you alone with your thoughts and plans. This gives you time to think about what your goals are, what goals you’ve met and what you need to achieve. And you can’t always do that when people are constantly talking or needing your “undivided” attention.

So, there you have it! As stated these are simple suggestions that you can do or start practicing today. Life, as crazy as it is will have us rushing, ripping and running to get somewhere and it will keep this cycle up as long as we allow it. Learn to discipline yourself long enough to take a breather. Don’t rush home from work every day, maybe sit in the car turn on some music and eat that leftover sandwich from lunch (literally just did this the other day). Just let your mind, body and soul relax.

Now, say it with me “Who’s your most favorite person in the world?” Don’t be shy, I know you want to say it and just in case you forgot? IT’S YOU BOO!! So, go and really “TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF!” because 30 min or an hour A Day? Keeps the Insanity at Bay!

Do you have any Self-Care tips that you do to stay balanced? Share them Below.

Come On, Get Up! It’s TIMEEEEEEEEE To See the Orthodontist!!

The photo above and all photos below courtesy of bing

Okayyyy!!!! This is the last post for the month of October and I’d like to think that I saved the best for last, sort of. Anyhow, did you know that October is National Orthodontic Health Month? Yesssss, it really is and I have to say that I haven’t always been a huge “fan” of the dentist office. But in lieu of the month; I thought I’d share my childhood experience and adult mistakes concerning it. In which hopefully will be able to help you and maybe a child.

The 6th grade – that was the last time I remember ever going to an actual dentist. Prior to that, my mom always signed the papers for us to have those yearly dentist checks in what seemed like those humongous mobile vans in elementary school. I wasn’t sure if those were “serious” checks but I was always told that I didn’t have any issues, so I thought my teeth were fine. As long as I kept them brushed (twice a day, in which for me was once a day) I would be good.

Dental Health Bus

Once I got out of elementary school then that was Sayonara to the big tooth mobile and the dentist offices. I never went to a dentist or visited an office again! I know that sounds crazy, especially for all the dental geeks out there but it’s true. Once I graduated school and began to pursue employment – dental insurance was always offered and I’d get it – but never use it, I mean for what, on the outside, my teeth were perfectly fine.

Year after year, I would opt for the dental insurance and year after year – it would never get used. As my children grew older and got to the ages where they needed to see a pediatric dentist, I made it my business to take them – it was then that I learned that kids are supposed to have dental visits, every 6 months; OMGosh??? Really??? As naïve’ as I was about the dentist – I had no idea that it was really that important. Needless to say, I made sure both of my kids were there every 6 months.

But, still when it came to me – I continued paying and being a NO SHOW. I mean, I’m an adult now so what does it matter, right? When it came around again for us to re-enroll for insurance on the job, I decided that I would just drop the dental insurance altogether, it was a waste for me to have it and not use it and besides that was extra money that I could save and keep in my check, my teeth was a-ok, until I bit down on a starburst one day and felt this excruciating pain that I had never felt before and that’s when I realized…….I Needed an Orthodontist!!!

worried-woman

After suffering weeks with the same pain – I finally made an appointment “Do you have Dental Insurance??” I was asked, “Welllllllll, Uh-No! I said embarrassingly. Thank God for the Flex payments, that’s how I got thru my first cleaning and exam. In which was going to cost me a whopping 5,000 dollars overall, Because the perfect teeth I thought all these years that I had, were not so perfect after all – the shame of them, the shame of ME!!

By the time I left the dentist office that day, they gave me a LONGGGGGGG Santa Claus list of things that would have to be done to my mouth, including a root canal!!!! And a list of dental insurances that they recommend I get. Although I had Flex, it wasn’t nearly enough on there to cover the expenses. I was up a creek without a paddle for sure. However, it was the middle of summer and open enrollment is not until October soooo, I decided to put a cork in it, stay away from the starbursts…lol. And wait it out.

How about you? Have you had any dental history issues, problems or stories?

So, as we all know – Halloween is next week and I don’t know about you but I love a little candy and I’m not going to sit here and say that I won’t have a piece or two or ten…lol

Listed below are just a couple of tips for keeping those pearly whites clean not just on the outside but the inside as well.

  • Brush your teeth regularly – twice a day with fluoride toothpaste, especially after sugary foods and drinks. Sugar sitting on your teeth without being brushed off can lead to cavities.
  • Floss between your teeth – flossing, while it may seem old-fashioned is actually good and helps prevent gum disease. Brushing only gets part of the particles off of our teeth, Flossing helps get the hard to reach food in between your teeth that brushing misses.
  • Regular check-ups and cleanings are a must! – I didn’t realize this until I had my first “adult” visit. Regular visits can help discover things going on with your teeth that may not show up on the outside. Regular cleaning is also great in keeping your gums in check.
  • Mouthwash Anyone? – I hate the alcohol-based washes as they make my mouth feel as though I poured gasoline in it and lit a match. Too graphic, I’m sure. But mouthwash is good to rinse out any leftover particles from a meal that brushing and flossing may have missed, plus who doesn’t like good smelling breath.

Well, there you have it – that’s my story and my tips. Hopefully, you’ve had a better experience and word to the wise? – Please keep your dental insurance active!! You really “WILL” need it someday =)

dental covered

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“LOOK UP, LOOK AROUND AND LOOK WITHIN, BECAUSE THERE REALLY IS POSITIVITY IN EVERYTHING” – BY YOURS TRULY

 

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