As a child growing up, there were quite a few issues that occurred in my life in which I felt like my voice either went either unheard or numb to the world around me. I grew up in a household with a bully step-father who fought my mom to no end, sometimes those fights ended in bloodshed, I watched as he hit, degraded and shamed her; whether in public, in front of his or her family and most heartbreakingly, in front of me and my two sisters. Where was my voice to speak up? In this case, it was helpless.
photo credit above: bing/relationships
A couple of years ago, I suffered an emotional break-up; I knew the day was coming over prior to, but when it finally arrived, I had the hardest time dealing with it.
“Have you ever felt like you’ve outgrown a relationship? Or Felt like you wanted to go in a different direction than where they wanted to go?”
Usually when I have these feelings, I suffer through and stay with the relationship only to be dissatisfied and miserable later. It’s like I know what I want – I just have a hard time communicating that to a man (mainly) because I don’t want to hurt their feelings or there’s a lack of self-esteem on my part in thinking that I either can’t, nor deserve anyone better – so I usually settle for the first flight going South with the many detours and layovers, feeling that it’s MANDATORY for me to deal with something that I actually have the power to say “NO” to – But too afraid to say it.
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When I got into the relationship, I was at a low place in my life – My self-esteem was shot and I felt as though there was no hope in the world; I literally felt like life had come to a complete stop for me as if I was at the train station waiting on the next train but kept missing the “Now Boarding” signal.
Why did I get with someone whom has to totally depend on others for complete care? Why did I say “Yes” we can date to someone whom can’t really help me out? Once I came to my senses that I deserved better (and this was hard to do, because I never thought of myself as wanting or needing something better) as I always became comfortable with the scraps of life. I finally got the courage one day to tell him “NO” & while that was liberating and I knew what I wanted and the reason why we didn’t need to be together – My emotions took over while we were apart and I found myself going through what I call “The Relationship Detox”
Relationship Detox is just like a Detox program (whether it’s drug related, a weight issue or something else) Detox, is a way of ridding your body of the bad toxins that you put in it. When a person decides to go through Detox – everything is fine in the beginning, as they’ve accepted the terms and conditions of what they will be going through in the process and for that moment. Feelings of confidence and energy rushes through your body and you begin to think, this is going to be a piece of cake, but that feeling quickly wears off once the Detox begins and suddenly that thing you felt like you could do without – slowly creeps in and makes you regret giving it up in the first place.
It’s almost like your brain stays on REPEAT, constantly playing all the “good” moments of the relationship, you stay there with your popcorn and soda and watch ALL the good times you’ve shared, all the laughter, the pictures, the cards given, the hugs, the many I LOVE YOU’s and the smiles you had; which makes DETOX that much more difficult to go through ….but then you accidentally hit the fast-forward button and see all the bad times, the hard times, the crying, the misunderstandings and all the chaos and craziness that got you to this point. Although the brain wants us to stay on the good times, we have to come to grips with moving on and potentially starting over without them.
Although I knew it was the right thing to do, I still questioned myself daily on if I really made the right decision at all and began to second guess my actions:
Maybe things weren’t that bad.
Maybe I was totally over-reacting about the relationship and really need him.
What if there is no one else out there for me and he really was the one and I pushed him away.
I still want to call him, should I or shouldn’t I. How would that make me look.
Did I really Love him?, If so then why am I here and he’s way over there.
Questions, Questions, Questions – we will always have many questions regarding our actions, but you have to stay true to who you are, what you want and what type of relationship you want. I can tell you what you don’t want and that’s to RELAPSE! – relapse pushes us 50ft back and most times depending on the situation, doesn’t guarantee a successful ending which can be detrimental to your health, mind, body & soul. That’s where God has to step in; for the enemy doesn’t want you to succeed; he wants to keep us stagnated. While our heads are in the clouds; he’s constantly robbing us blind of our JOY, HOPE & SELF-WORTH. If he can get you to keep your mind on carnal things – you’ve not only given him an inch; but the whole mile to your emotions.
While things in our life may feel wrong – It could actually be the right thing; my suggestion is to pray about everything because the enemy is busy and would love nothing more but for you to “relapse” – while detoxing may not feel good; it doesn’t last forever. A lot of times, it’s not that people are bad; it’s just that they are not the right puzzle piece for you, sort of like that piece of the puzzle that looks like it fits into the puzzle space because it looks like the same shape but when you go to place it in that slot, it doesn’t fit – so you try to squeeze it in and make it fit anyway.
Our emotions, while good in some instances – can lead us wrong in other circumstances. The bible says in Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and Lean not unto thine own understanding, In ALL thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct thy paths. Notice how ALL is underlined because even through emotional, unsure and testing times – We have to put our total trust in God and know that he has our best interest at heart and will take us through the roller-coaster of Detox.
That relationship was not the right one for me and during that time I had to check into God’s rehab center to redirect my focus on HIM and off of him. If you’re feeling perplexed by a decision, put it in God’s hands – because he has a way of turning that wrong feeling, into a right one.
Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager