Sunday’s Thought: Why does the Right thing, Feel like the Wrong Thing?!

photo credit above: bing/relationships

A couple of years ago, I suffered an emotional break-up; I knew the day was coming over prior to, but when it finally arrived, I had the hardest time dealing with it.

“Have you ever felt like you’ve outgrown a relationship? Or Felt like you wanted to go in a different direction than where they wanted to go?”

Usually when I have these feelings, I suffer through and stay with the relationship only to be dissatisfied and miserable later. It’s like I know what I want – I just have a hard time communicating that to a man (mainly) because I don’t want to hurt their feelings or there’s a lack of self-esteem on my part in thinking that I either can’t, nor deserve anyone better – so I usually settle for the first flight going South with the many detours and layovers, feeling that it’s MANDATORY for me to deal with something that I actually have the power to say “NO” to – But too afraid to say it.

Related Topic: Here Comes The Builder 

When I got into the relationship, I was at a low place in my life – My self-esteem was shot and I felt as though there was no hope in the world; I literally felt like life had come to a complete stop for me as if I was at the train station waiting on the next train but kept missing the “Now Boarding” signal.

missed-train

Why did I get with someone whom has to totally depend on others for complete care? Why did I say “Yes” we can date to someone whom can’t really help me out? Once I came to my senses that I deserved better (and this was hard to do, because I never thought of myself as wanting or needing something better) as I always became comfortable with the scraps of life. I finally got the courage one day to tell him “NO” & while that was liberating and I knew what I wanted and the reason why we didn’t need to be together – My emotions took over while we were apart and I found myself going through what I call “The Relationship Detox”

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Relationship Detox is just like a Detox program (whether it’s drug related, a weight issue or something else) Detox, is a way of ridding your body of the bad toxins that you put in it. When a person decides to go through Detox – everything is fine in the beginning, as they’ve accepted the terms and conditions of what they will be going through in the process and for that moment. Feelings of confidence and energy rushes through your body and you begin to think, this is going to be a piece of cake, but that feeling quickly wears off once the Detox begins and suddenly that thing you felt like you could do without – slowly creeps in and makes you regret giving it up in the first place.

It’s almost like your brain stays on REPEAT, constantly playing all the “good” moments of the relationship, you stay there with your popcorn and soda and watch ALL the good times you’ve shared, all the laughter, the pictures, the cards given, the hugs, the many I LOVE YOU’s and the smiles you had; which makes DETOX that much more difficult to go through ….but then you accidentally hit the fast-forward button and see all the bad times, the hard times, the crying, the misunderstandings and all the chaos and craziness that got you to this point. Although the brain wants us to stay on the good times, we have to come to grips with moving on and potentially starting over without them.

Although I knew it was the right thing to do, I still questioned myself daily on if I really made the right decision at all and began to second guess my actions:

  • Maybe things weren’t that bad.

  • Maybe I was totally over-reacting about the relationship and really need him.

  • What if there is no one else out there for me and he really was the one and I pushed him away.

  • I still want to call him, should I or shouldn’t I. How would that make me look.

  • Did I really Love him?, If so then why am I here and he’s way over there.

Questions, Questions, Questions – we will always have many questions regarding our actions, but you have to stay true to who you are, what you want and what type of relationship you want. I can tell you what you don’t want and that’s to RELAPSE! – relapse pushes us 50ft back and most times depending on the situation, doesn’t guarantee a successful ending which can be detrimental to your health, mind, body & soul. Wrong Feels RightThat’s where God has to step in; for the enemy doesn’t want you to succeed; he wants to keep us stagnated. While our heads are in the clouds; he’s constantly robbing us blind of our JOY, HOPE & SELF-WORTH. If he can get you to keep your mind on carnal things – you’ve not only given him an inch; but the whole mile to your emotions.

While things in our life may feel wrong – It could actually be the right thing; my suggestion is to pray about everything because the enemy is busy and would love nothing more but for you to “relapse” – while detoxing may not feel good; it doesn’t last forever. A lot of times, it’s not that people are bad; it’s just that they are not the right puzzle piece for you, sort of like that piece of the puzzle that looks like it fits into the puzzle space because it looks like the same shape but when you go to place it in that slot, it doesn’t fit – so you try to squeeze it in and make it fit anyway.

Our emotions, while good in some instances – can lead us wrong in other circumstances. The bible says in Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and Lean not unto thine own understanding, In ALL thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct thy paths. Notice how ALL is underlined because even through emotional, unsure and testing times – We have to put our total trust in God and know that he has our best interest at heart and will take us through the roller-coaster of Detox.

That relationship was not the right one for me and during that time I had to check into God’s rehab center to redirect my focus on HIM and off of him. If you’re feeling perplexed by a decision, put it in God’s hands – because he has a way of turning that wrong feeling, into a right one.

decisions-flower-life-right-wrong-Favim.com-185633

 

Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

 

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The Story Of The Brain, Heart & Gut

Trust Gut

It’s been said that the body is composed of three minds – The Brain, Heart & The Gut and on any given day each of them will have their own way of communicating to you.  This will be dependent upon the circumstance, situation or crisis you’re facing at the time or on a particular day.

I’ve often let those three minds run my life; most times a little more than I should have. When I faced a crisis, I would never listen to my brain or my gut. I would shoot straight for the heart and let it lead and guide me on what I needed to do in that moment. I sometimes (I’ve gotten better), can be a very emotional person and have always allowed my heart’s emotions to do the talking for me. I was a person that usually would run off what my emotions said do and reacted according to how I felt it was leading me to react. This behavior caused me many good relationships (not to say that the other party didn’t have some blame, but I can only speak for me), running off my heart’s emotions has even caused me a couple of jobs. For it made me unstable, erratic and untrustworthy.

I was presented with a life changing decision recently. After asking many questions and going back and forward on should I go for it or leave it. The individual finally told me “Trust your Gut on this One” But because I wanted the opportunity so bad, my brain was yelling “YES!! Take it, this would be a great opportunity for you. My emotional heart   said “Think of the changes you can make in other people’s lives.” While my brain and heart was in dreamland; each dancing,The Gut is right singing and scheduling for this event to happen. My gut was also responding with it’s own opinion and was giving me the truth of what the situation really was; it simply said “NO! You can’t right now.” It was trying to pull my heart and mind together to look at the big picture. Was I really ready?, Could I possibly do what I was being called to do and juggle everything else at the same time? After I quieted my heart and brain down, I began to look at the big picture of what my gut was presenting and therefore decided that while the opportunity  was a great one. It just wasn’t the time right now to delve into it. You see, when it comes to your heart, gut and brain. You have to go with the one that is speaking peace to the situation at hand. The one that seems to calm your nerves in the midst of your brain and heart going into their own separate direction.

Which mindset are you allowing to rule your world; while they are all important and each have their own “power of influence” you may be wondering which one should you listen to the most. Listed below is a short list of each function and how they can shape you or break you.

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  • Your Brain – The brain is the powerhouse behind most of our major life choices, from parenting, to relationships, to our businesses and our jobs. We need that brain power to help us function in our daily grind. While the brain is definitely a “strong tower” it can also play tricks on you. It can quickly make you see things in a different light and make you feel as if someone is your inferior instead of your friend, given how they may act, look or treat you and tell you to shut them out, without the possibility of talking things through first. Ever heard of out of sight out of mind; well the brain is the ultimate player when it comes to that. It has a way of making you overthink even the smallest things, which in the end will make you crazy if you let it. It can make you see things differently when it’s really not like that at all.

 

  • Your Heart – The heart is the center of our life. It’s the emotional driving force behind why we do what we do, say what we say and love as hard as we are capable of loving despite how we’re treated most times. It pumps vigorously to the flowing of our blood and is big and strong. However, the heart can make us blind. It has a way of covering up the truth and allowing us to only see the surface of a matter. The heart is heavily run by emotions and usually has us running into circumstances and situations head on, without giving it a second thought. They say Love is Blind and that is so true when it comes to the real issues of our heart. It puts blinders on your eyes and allows you to see what your brain tricks you into seeing.

 

When the hearts emotions and the minds erratic thinking collide; it can be a bomb waiting to happen!

  • Your Gut – When People think of the Gut, the first thing that comes to mind is food; in which the gut is constantly being filled up on more than twice a day in most cases. We entice our gut with many goodies and delectable foods and wait for it to digest, so we can feed it some more. But we don’t give the gut the credit that it truly deserves. It’s not just a place to bury food, but a place that gives us the real truth of any matter. The key is taking out time to listen to it. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “Food for Thought” well that is exactly how we should look at the Gut, as an avenue to where we give it food for it’s most truest thoughts. That strong feeling you feel in your gut when you’re faced with a circumstance, question or situation is your guts way of revealing what you really need to do. We fail at listening to it because we see it as a food disposal rather than a guided source, but it’s the first instinct we should take heed too.

 

  • The Secret Sauce to it All – GOD! Yes, you definitely can’t forget about God. After-all he’s the maker of your body. When in doubt, he’ll help you work it out. God is the ultimate source for all things “confusing” you might say. The bible says in Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with All your Heart and Lean not unto your Own Understanding, In all your ways acknowledge him and he’ll direct your path. So you see, even though the brain, heart and gut may all speak at the same time. God is the one that will bring them all together to give you a peace of mind. Now don’t get me wrong, he gives us signs and you will have certain feelings to come over you about something that he would have allowed to come to you, in order to get your attention and this feeling usually happens within the gut.

 

Was this post helpful?, Email me and Let me know @ justsuminspiration@gmail.com or leave a comment below.

 

 

From the Sea Floor to the Surface: When God brings up Matters we don’t want to Face.

Has God ever dealt with you about the little kinks in your life. The Kinks that you kick under the rug and chalk up as it just being who you are? Well, you’ve heard the song Search Me Lord – the lyrics go something like this:

Oh, search me, Lord/ Search me, Lord/ Shine the light from heaven on my soul, if you find anything that shouldn’t be/Take it out and strengthen me/Cause I wanna be right/I wanna be saved/And I wanna be whole.

A song like that sounds so good when you hear it and I really do believe at the time that is exactly what we really want God to do. But if I can be honest – when God really does search us and bring it to the surface for us to either repent and/or handle or ask for forgiveness of; it’s not so easy. As a matter of fact it’s quite painful and nerving because that truth is now an open box that you have to deal with face-to-face. Sometimes we chalk things up as “Oh, that’s just who I am – I can’t help it,” we know its a problem, but it’s a small problem that we tend to sweep under the rug to not remember any more.

I just had this experience on several occasions within the past week and because I’m big on being transparent, I wanted to share that with you today. As long as I could remember, I’ve always been known to be a very sweet, outgoing, loving and catering person – notice the last word – Catering. Yes, I tend to cater to peoples needs. However, I had a serious issue that the Lord had to really dig up and bring to the surface. By the time he brought it up out of the water, what started out as something as small as a grain of sand; ended up turning into a ship – Yes! I had kept the problem buried for so long until it had grown bigger over time. Not ReadyThe problem I had was being totally honest with people. I’ve always been a caterer and when you cater to people, you tend to cater to their needs and wants, forgetting all about what you really need and want.

I had a good friend to ask me to be in a wedding this year, she wanted me to be the Maid of Honor, talk about excited – I was ecstatic about it, especially with helping her to plan her special day to trying on the dress and the whole nine. But, things took a major turn when I realized I didn’t have the funds to be in the wedding. On another note, I had a friend to give me some materials to write out for her; she wanted to turn a couple of videos into blog post and had asked, if I didn’t mind – could I do it. Of course I said Yes, very quickly. While I did do the first set of videos, Life happened and I wasn’t able to do the other set. Another Instance, lately I’ve been looking at moving and was looking into different places; I seen one I liked and contacted the property owner to setup a time to go and look at it, but on the day that I went to look – it was raining very badly and I ended up not going.

So, you may be wondering – Okay, so what’s the problem? Well, the thing is when life happened for me or if I couldn’t do something that I promised; I always came up with a lie as to why I couldn’t do it or just didn’t respond to the issue at hand – I always found it easier to just not respond to things of that nature, I literally would go M.I.A and when I was confronted – I would make something up that sounded really good and move on. Well God dealt with me about that and the instances I told you above went like this:

I was honest with my good friend and told her that as much as I would like to be in the wedding, I really couldn’t afford to do it. Money is tight and I had other pressing issues that needed to be handled. (In the past, I would have pressed on with being in the wedding and would have forsook all other responsibilities) And while they were off on wedded bliss, I would have been home crying my eyes out about how I was going to pay my next light bill. I ended up telling my friend that I apologize about the videos and not getting them to her in the time-frame that she wanted me too, I told her that life for me had gotten busy and that I would not be able to do anymore at this time but would finish the one’s she gave to me. (In times past, I would have just made something up about my reasoning’s). And last but not least the apartment showing – I ended up calling the lady and told her that I wouldn’t be able to make it to the showing and that I wanted to call her ahead of time and let her know. (In times past, I would have let the time come and go and she would not have saw me,  I would have let her go out to the showing without calling or giving a reason as to why I couldn’t make it).

The bible says, “The small foxes, destroy the vine” Song of Solomon 2:15 – It’s not the big things in the end that will get us, it’s the small things that we don’t really think of or take notice too that will ultimately be our demise – even with getting into heaven. While I didn’t want God to reveal those things to me about myself – I appreciated the fact that he did and that he loved me enough to bring that big ship out of the ocean for me to confront. We’re all a work in progress, It’s better to be at peace with yourself than to displease God just to please people. If we are truly adamant about being like Christ and/or going back to be with him, then we have to allow him to bring all of our oceans bottom, to the TOP!

What about you
Has God been tugging at you to bring something from your sea floor to the surface?

sea-floor