Has God ever dealt with you about the little kinks in your life. The Kinks that you kick under the rug and chalk up as it just being who you are? Well, you’ve heard the song “Search Me Lord“ – the lyrics go something like this:
Oh, search me, Lord/ Search me, Lord/ Shine the light from heaven on my soul, if you find anything that shouldn’t be/Take it out and strengthen me/Cause I wanna be right/I wanna be saved/And I wanna be whole.
A song like that sounds so good when you hear it and I really do believe at the time that is exactly what we really want God to do. But if I can be honest – when God really does search us and bring it to the surface for us to either repent and/or handle or ask for forgiveness of; it’s not so easy. As a matter of fact it’s quite painful and nerving because that truth is now an open box that you have to deal with face-to-face. Sometimes we chalk things up as “Oh, that’s just who I am – I can’t help it,” we know its a problem, but it’s a small problem that we tend to sweep under the rug to not remember any more.
I just had this experience on several occasions within the past week and because I’m big on being transparent, I wanted to share that with you today. As long as I could remember, I’ve always been known to be a very sweet, outgoing, loving and catering person – notice the last word – Catering. Yes, I tend to cater to peoples needs. However, I had a serious issue that the Lord had to really dig up and bring to the surface. By the time he brought it up out of the water, what started out as something as small as a grain of sand; ended up turning into a ship – Yes! I had kept the problem buried for so long until it had grown bigger over time. The problem I had was being totally honest with people. I’ve always been a caterer and when you cater to people, you tend to cater to their needs and wants, forgetting all about what you really need and want.
I had a good friend to ask me to be in a wedding this year, she wanted me to be the Maid of Honor, talk about excited – I was ecstatic about it, especially with helping her to plan her special day to trying on the dress and the whole nine. But, things took a major turn when I realized I didn’t have the funds to be in the wedding. On another note, I had a friend to give me some materials to write out for her; she wanted to turn a couple of videos into blog post and had asked, if I didn’t mind – could I do it. Of course I said Yes, very quickly. While I did do the first set of videos, Life happened and I wasn’t able to do the other set. Another Instance, lately I’ve been looking at moving and was looking into different places; I seen one I liked and contacted the property owner to setup a time to go and look at it, but on the day that I went to look – it was raining very badly and I ended up not going.
So, you may be wondering – Okay, so what’s the problem? Well, the thing is when life happened for me or if I couldn’t do something that I promised; I always came up with a lie as to why I couldn’t do it or just didn’t respond to the issue at hand – I always found it easier to just not respond to things of that nature, I literally would go M.I.A and when I was confronted – I would make something up that sounded really good and move on. Well God dealt with me about that and the instances I told you above went like this:
I was honest with my good friend and told her that as much as I would like to be in the wedding, I really couldn’t afford to do it. Money is tight and I had other pressing issues that needed to be handled. (In the past, I would have pressed on with being in the wedding and would have forsook all other responsibilities) And while they were off on wedded bliss, I would have been home crying my eyes out about how I was going to pay my next light bill. I ended up telling my friend that I apologize about the videos and not getting them to her in the time-frame that she wanted me too, I told her that life for me had gotten busy and that I would not be able to do anymore at this time but would finish the one’s she gave to me. (In times past, I would have just made something up about my reasoning’s). And last but not least the apartment showing – I ended up calling the lady and told her that I wouldn’t be able to make it to the showing and that I wanted to call her ahead of time and let her know. (In times past, I would have let the time come and go and she would not have saw me, I would have let her go out to the showing without calling or giving a reason as to why I couldn’t make it).
The bible says, “The small foxes, destroy the vine” Song of Solomon 2:15 – It’s not the big things in the end will get us, it’s the small things that we don’t really think of or take notice too that will ultimately be our demise – even with getting into heaven. While I didn’t want God to reveal those things to me about myself – I appreciated the fact that he did and that he loved me enough to bring that big ship out of the ocean for me to confront. We’re all a work in progress, It’s better to be at peace with yourself than to displease God just to please people. If we are truly adamant about being like Christ and/or going back to be with him, then we have to allow him to bring all of our oceans bottom, to the TOP!
What about you
Has God been tugging at you to bring something from your sea floor to the surface?