As a child growing up, there were quite a few issues that occurred in my life in which I felt like my voice either went either unheard or numb to the world around me. I grew up in a household with a bully step-father who fought my mom to no end, sometimes those fights ended in bloodshed, I watched as he hit, degraded and shamed her; whether in public, in front of his or her family and most heartbreakingly, in front of me and my two sisters. Where was my voice to speak up? In this case, it was helpless.
the photo above courtesy of bing
You know, I had someone to say to me last week that no matter what picture I sent to them; I was always smiling and they thought it was GREAT! but what they didn’t know is that those glorious 32’s weren’t always so eager to smile at one time – I hid that smile because it wasn’t a smile I wanted people to see – I wanted them to see how beautiful “I WAS”, NOT HOW BEAUTIFUL MY SMILE WAS. And the reasoning why goes a little something like this:
Whew!!! Okay, so the title is a little long; Well, really long….even for me but I have a lot going on and I want to share it with you today, maybe it’ll inspire you to do something out of the ordinary or take a leap of faith and finally do that thing that you keep putting off. So without further ado, let me tell you about the tales of my two journeys.
First, The Backstory:
Mid 2015, I had beautiful hair – noticed I said I had. I remember getting my hair done August of that year and leaving the beauty shop feeling so good about how far my hair had come and being in love with how soft, silky and shiny it felt. I, of course like anyone else who just got their hair did; took care of it, made sure I washed it once a week and gave it a deep condition when needed. All things were good, at that time. By the time October came, I noticed my hair had taken a shift – it no longer looked healthy, as a matter of fact, it began to shed extremely bad. What was I doing wrong?. By December of 2015, the beautiful hair I once had – was now washing down the drain of my shower and clumped in my hand, so much hair came out until it looked like I had a glove on my hand. What happened was STRESS! Without going into details, I had started a new job and the turmoil I went through with that, finding a place to stay and “life happened” moments, caused my hair to come completely out. I was devastated…so, when I went back to work in January of 2016, I went back wearing a wig – A wig that had become my new look, my new signature style, my new me….
Fast forward to July of 2017 – I had worn that wig and a couple of others (because they were now my new mantra) up until about almost two months ago. I no longer wanted to wear the wigs anymore but because they had become such a part of my lifestyle, I was sorely afraid to go without one. My hair up under the wig was in no better shape than it was months and months prior and no matter how much I washed it, it still shed like crazy and continued to come out. So, on July 8, 2017 I woke up that morning (without giving it a second thought) took off my scarf, picked out my hair and CUT IT!
I felt liberated, relieved but scared all at one time. Okay, so I’ve never been that great at doing my hair – I failed miserably at the task. I was the one that by the time I went to the beautician, they would have to cut all my hair off and I would have to start from scratch all over again. After multiple times of this happening, I gave up on trying to style, curl or do anything to my hair. So when I cut it off….I was thinking, okay – so now what do I do. After, I cut it – I washed it and used a couple of products that I had. I could do this, I said to myself as I looked into the mirror….I really could DO THIS!!
But that was short lived, I didn’t wear my hair like that to work because I was afraid of what people would say or think. (I have a story about that) so, let’s just say my first BC (BIG CHOP) didn’t go over so well with everyone as I was labeled as liking women…another story, for another time – let’s keep trucking along…
So, that was the stigma that I was facing and because of that – while I felt liberated in the bathroom behind closed doors – I felt trapped by the thoughts of others. And then, from the help of my daughter – while the front of my hair was looking good, I had totally shattered the back (see below), this was another reason for me wanting to keep the wig handy.
But, while I was feeling self-conscious – my daughter said “Mama, do you like it?” after I told her Yes, she then proceeded to say “Well, who cares what other people think” Now while I know this for myself and preach it to other people, I had to get that little lesson from my 13yr old daughter whom made me realize, It’s okay to be me. Within 3 weeks of taking the picture above, my hair had began to grow back a little. (see below).
Let’s just say YOUTUBE, is the bomb and has helped me with my styling techniques. Some things worked and there were some that didn’t but Hey!, it’s all about experimenting, finding your own niche and making it work for you. Going Natural is hard work because you have to complete styles for your hair that are not “chemically” based. It’s sort of like taking your natural hair on a journey of discovery and finding out what works best. So far, I’ve come up with some pretty nice styles (see below)
I will post every other month “maybe” about how this hair journey is going – It’s definitely a process but this time when it grows out, it’ll be healthy as well as strong.
So, now onto my other journey of exercise and prayer…..
Back in 2015 (seemed like the year of unfortunate events), I was diagnosed as being pre-diabetic. I had developed gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with my son, I was told by doctors that because of that; my chances of developing type 2 diabetes in the future was very likely. So when I was told that I was pre-diabetic at a check-up, it didn’t come as a surprise. However; I still continued to eat what I wanted. This year, I was still diagnosed with pre-diabetes (Short Lesson: this means you’re not diabetic yet but a cupcake or a cookie from becoming a full blown one – okay, back to the story) and while I had the goal to exercise and do great things – I completely feel off the horse….BUT! for the past month, or well almost month (he he he, wink) I have been eating good things and have decided to do what I call the “Treadmill Chronicles” – This is where I get up at 5:45am in the morning and walk on the treadmill (that I literally begged God to give me, but really never used it) along with prayer. So while I’m walking it out for 30min, I’m also talking to God and praying for others in the process. Well, that’s my other journey….to get in good health and put the right things in this almost (clearing my throat) 30-something yr old body. PRAY FOR ME PLEASE!!! LOL!
Now that’s the tale of my two journeys – What new journeys are you on? Have you tried anything new? Are you currently thinking about doing something? Well, whatever it is and wherever your journey takes you too – Just remember, it’s your journey. You can’t do it for anyone but yourself and WHO CARES what people think or say. We only have one shot at life, so why aren’t we living like it.
Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager
Let’s Live Well, Laugh Loud & Love Hard!