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MAY! I Interest You in a Few Topics?

Published on May 4, 2017 by Roshonda B9 Comments

MAY IS HERE AND THE HOT TOPICS ARE TOO!!

Doesn’t it seem as though April just came in like a whirlwind and left without even saying “Goodbye?” It came and went so fast, I feel as if I got whiplash….Oh April, April where didst thou Go?? Well, as we say Bon-Voyage to April – We have now greeted May whom seemed to have just popped into our lives from no where.

But, the good thing is at least the sun is shining, the weather is getting back to normal and everyone seems to be enjoying that. Speaking of enjoying, Self-Help April’s Blog Posts gained such a success in readership, that I thought I would drive that train right on into May. So, starting next Thursday 5/11/17 and every Thursday morning after that, I’ll be posting more topics and tips. Since no post will be posted this week, the last post will be posted on Sunday 5/28/17.

So, as we pray that May slows down enough for us to catch our breath – Take a Peek Below at the topics we will be discussing during the month!

TOPIC FOR 5/11/17: WHOSE CREDIT?, THAT’S NOT MY CREDIT!

I have always been afraid and or avoided looking at my credit score, that senseless act has not helped my situation but has worsened it over the years. In this post, I’ll help you get out of denial with reviewing your own score and face the truths in reviewing your own credit report. I’ll also give links to sites that can help you manage your score.

TOPIC FOR 5/18/17: OH SNAP!, LOOK WHO’S A LEADER…

Not many of us like to take the lead, but did you know that we were all born to lead in some capacity or another. A Leader is not characterized by how you look but in how you act. I’ll share my experiences on leadership and offer you tips to be the best leader, you can be.

TOPIC FOR 5/25/17: TRUSTING YOUR HEAD, GUT OR YOUR HEART

Sometimes its hard to distinguish which body part is saying what; especially when it comes to our emotions. We don’t know if our heart, head or gut is leading us in the right direction. We’ll discuss tips on this subject and how to distinguish one from the other.

TOPIC FOR 5/28/17: KEEPING GOD AT THE “BAE” LEVEL

Who is your #1 BAE right now?, But, what does BAE even mean? Well, if your BAE is anyone else other than God then we might need to switch some things around. We’ll discuss what the word really means and give tips on how to keep your true BAE First, no matter whom you’re rolling with at the moment!

So Here We Go Again! Come back each Thursday and see the full post, get tips and suggestions. Feel free to share any post, comment, like and subscribe.

LET’S LIVE, WALK & BE INSPIRED TOGETHER!!!

Being A Friend To Have Friends

Published on April 20, 2017May 3, 2017 by Roshonda B1 Comment

You’ve heard the saying, “Life can give you Lemons” and that is very true; but what happens when you need to turn those lemons into lemonade and have no one there to help you do it. That’s where a true friend comes in at to help us navigate through life’s hits, boomerangs and punches. Finding a friend that you can relate too can be difficult and while this isn’t an easy feat, due to our different personalities, backgrounds, hurts, habits or hang-ups we all need someone to lean on when life throws us curve balls.

I never had friends growing up; I could remember maybe one or two in 5^th or 6^th grade but otherwise, I was mainly a loner. I wanted to hang with the popular kids, but wasn’t popular enough. I wanted to hang with the smart kids, but wasn’t smart enough. I wanted to hang with the pretty girls, but wasn’t pretty enough. Everywhere I looked; I wasn’t enough for anyone – not even the kids whom were just like me; thing is, they had at least one friend. I didn’t have any.

So I put up a wall which lead to resistance and anger. As I got older I began to acquire friends but noticed my attitude towards them was mean, harsh and downright rude. When they wanted to hang-out, I always found a way to bail out and when they wanted to talk; I found a way to dismiss them. What had I become? The girl who couldn’t get a friend because of how I looked and etc. was now the bully in a friendship. I treated those friends exactly how I had been treated. Past hurts and the negativity that stemmed from it was keeping me from obtaining the friendships I had once desired. So, if you truly desire to have friends or become friendlier, then listed below are four tips which will help you get over the hurdle of unfriendliness?

Tip #1: Forget the Past

Most of the times the reason why we can’t move forward in life or relationships is because we are still stuck in the Past, thinking about what happened before or who did what and why only keeps you in a ‘negative’ state of mind. If you truly want to move forward you have to forgive your past and the people in it.

Tip #2: Tell Hurt – Goodbye!

Another thing that keeps us in the past old wounds or previous HURT; that word alone keeps us from opening up to other experiences – I’ve heard people say ‘Once Hurt, Always Hurt’ and they hold on to that mantra throughout every relationship. Remember, hurt is an enemy and as long as you hold on to it, it will hold on to you.

Tip #3: Open up the Doors of your Heart

Once you decide to move forward, then you have to open up your heart again; this is not easy but it paves the way for new things to enter and old things to exit.

Tip #4: At Least Try

Before you decide that you don’t want to deal with the anxieties of opening up to something new, at least give it a try. As the saying says, ‘If at first you don’t succeed, Try and Try Again! Sometimes the third, sixth or eighth time can truly be a charm.

The Bible says “A man who has friends must himself be friendly” (Prov. 18:24 NKJV); Starting today, determine to let go of whatever hurts you’re holding onto from the past and choose to be the kind of friend that you’d always wanted or desired for yourself, for someone else. I promise you’ll be glad you did and as you begin to open up – you’ll begin to see your life shape into something beautiful, something great and something positive. But only if you open up and allow it to seek new possibilities and relationships.

Because Everyone Needs a Friend…

All Photo's Courtesy of Bing

5 Common Mistakes Women Must Give Up, To Get the Man of Thier Dreams

Published on April 13, 2017 by Roshonda B3 Comments

Relationships are hard work alone & Dating with all of its rules, guidelines and catch phrases is another monster, all it’s own. So, how do you obtain a good relationship, less known get a date?, I mean what is it that you could be saying or doing that seems to not be attracting the right person. If you’re wondering if your looks or appearance could be the reason, think again! Most dating mistakes happen the moment we open our mouths, Yes! our mouth could be the very reason most of us, Fall short in Dating and Fail at Relationships.

In my early dating stages, I can tell you – I was a wreck and my mouth posed to be an even bigger risk. I felt as if I had to tell a guy everything about me, my past, my future, my expectations along with my goals, dreams, fears, hurts, habits and hang-ups and this was just on the phone; we hadn’t even gotten to the first date yet. I used to wonder why I would either never get a call back or if they did call back, it wasn’t talks of going out on a date, it was because they were bored and I just seemed to be the person they either wanted to vent too or just talk too. Yes, I was a good friend; but not a good partner for a relationship. I even had one guy to tell me that I reminded him of his grandmother – LIKE, REALLY???, I had to take a good look in the mirror on that one – was it my words of wisdom that had him traumatized?, whatever it was; it didn’t garner a date and then again, I don’t think I would have wanted one with him after that comment. I also had an issue with not totally being myself; I tried to fix myself up to be whom I felt like the guy wanted me to be, I lost weight; dyed my hair; bought creams to make my skin lighter and even wore hair extensions to obtain a longer length of hair and I’m not going to even talk about other crazy things I would do and/or did just to obtain a guy’s attention….Trust me, as I’ve gotten older, those things weren’t worth my sanity nor time. I never fully let my hair down to be me, because I was trying to be with them. Over time of not “catching too many fish on the hook” I realized that there was one thing that was holding me back from getting a chance of having a date; outside of not being myself, I realized that MY MOUTH! was the ultimate hammer that nailed the coffin shut. Yes, here I was talking marriage, babies, future and goals to someone whom I didn’t even get a chance to see if they were that interested in me or not; however, they knew I wasn’t’ the one for them. So as a woman who was in limbo with dating, those experiences have garnered me to write out a couple of mistakes I made and that you may be making too. So, let’s get started with a couple of Do’s and Don’t s:

Tip #1: LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THYSELF: I underlined & capitalized this for a reason. Please ladies, let’s show love to ourselves first. Love your curves, your mind, your choices. Just love you. I can’t tell you how many times, I jumped into a relationship looking for love but didn’t love myself. When you love you, then you take the pressure off of a guy having to force himself to love you back. When you love you – then everyone else will love you too and even if they don’t; guess what! Who Cares! because you love you and that’s the first and only thing that matters anyway.

Tip#2: Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself: Yes, that was a popular song in the 90’s but it’s even popular for us ladies. Listen to your gut, we know if we’re really ready for a relationship or not. Most of us still need a little fixing on the inside of us first before we are able to invite someone else in. If you have low-self esteem or are not comfortable with your weight, then I would suggest you try to fix those things before entering into a relationship. Men like confident women and if you’re not displaying that, then the relationship will plummet before it takes off the runway.

Tip#3: No Need To Pack The Bags: When you’re on a date or before you even go on a date determine to leave the bags of the past in the past. A guy doesn’t need to know that you were once depressed, was suicidal, was married (unless it’s a topic of discussion) he doesn’t need to know about baby daddies and all those issues. Shh!, Keep those things to yourself (at least until you feel like the relationship is going somewhere after you’ve had enough dates with the person) A first date should be about you, career goals and aspirations. Not Drama! So keep that bag at home.

Tip#4: Knight In Shining Armor…Not!: Okay, so sometimes we ladies tend to get a little movie struck. We sometimes look at how relationships are played out in a movie and desire for that to happen in our own lives, let’s get real. It’s a Movie with actor and actresses whom are or were paid to act that way. They were reading a script. Just because the guy comes in with a cane, doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy or just because he doesn’t look like your favorite actor, doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy. Give everyone an opportunity. They just may surprise you.

Tip #5: Keep The Cookie In The Cookie Jar: Make sure your hormones are in check before you go on a date. There’s a number of people whom have sex on the first date and what’s even more common is the fact that it’s unprotected. Let a guy fall for your mind first, not what’s in your pants. Building a relationship based off of sex; usually does not last. When sex supersedes a conversation and becomes your first foundation; it’s hard to get back on track with a good convo. So keep the cookie under lock and key. Whatever decision you make regarding the individual you want to make sure it’s based on true emotion and not a sexual one in which could cloud your judgment immensely concerning the person, especially if he has a lot of red flags that require your full undivided attention.

And guys, I didn’t forget about you – the same effort you put into getting the “cookie” can also be the same effort you put into having a good, healthy relationship. Here are some tips for you to look over in order to get the Woman of your dreams and keep her long enough than a one-night stand: 5 Things Men Must Give Up, To Be With the Right Woman!

Do you have any dating tips you would like to share? List them in the comments so we can get a conversation going.

Rejection Sucks! But Life Doesn’t Have Too.

Published on April 6, 2017April 6, 2017 by Roshonda B2 Comments

Rejection is one of the most devastating things that anyone can deal with. As a people when we are rejected; we tend to immediately shut down from life all together, it’s almost as if someone has handed us a death sentence and sentenced us to die – right there on the spot. And if we’re not careful, we’ll carry out that sentence by killing everything that comes within our path – we’ll put a torch to our dreams, goals and aspirations with one match.

While rejection is a hard pill to swallow, it doesn’t have to be your death sentence. Let’s face it, everyone is not going to like everything we do or say, they’re not going to like everything you wear, your opinion, your thoughts on common life issues and so forth. They’re not going to like the way you look or even your personality. People have a tendency to reject the things that they aren’t familiar with or the things that they don’t understand or have knowledge of basically due to maybe how they were raised, their own rejections or how they perceive certain things; they then take that analysis and use it to belittle and/or be demeaning to others whom either don’t think, look or act like they do.

I’ve had my share of rejection in life and it hurts, it hurts really bad because basically we take rejection as saying “We’re not Good Enough” – I have been rejected from getting certain jobs and/or positions, I’ve been rejected for how I look, the way I think, my see the glass half-full mentality, the way I dress, wear my hair. I’ve even been rejected because I have a good personality and get along with a variety of people. And if I had listened to those rejectors, I wouldn’t be here today because I would have allowed them to dictate my every move, including my dreams, aspirations and future.

Just because you’ve been rejected, don’t mean you have to go through life living that way. It took me a while to get over rejection; however, I began to read the word of God – there I was able to see and read what God thought of me (He said in Psalms 139:14) that I was fearfully and wonderfully made and his works were marvelous because he CREATED ME! (think about that). I also begin to hang around positive minded people, because we really are susceptible to our environment. I realized that it wasn’t anything wrong with me, after-all; the world would be a very boring place if everyone was exactly the same – right? Why FIT IN, when you were born to STAND OUT!

Remember these 5 tips, the next time Rejection comes a knocking at your door:

Rejection is a part of Life that everyone experiences – no exceptions.
Rejection doesn’t like “Positivity” so surround yourself with positive minded people.
Rejection isn’t always “Bad”, sometimes rejection is a good thing. If you allow it, it can help us change our focus on the problem and focus on a solution.
Move Forward – Rejection will happen and when it does, don’t allow it to stop you from enjoying life. Rejection is just a bump in the road; not an End to Life.
Just be yourself – There’s no one in the world like you and there never will be, so make the best of who you are and give rejection a kick in the butt. Because you’re here to stay! & with that mindset? you’ll continue to be undefeated by the “R” word and it’s many tactics.

Remember, Rejection doesn’t mean you’re not good enough, it just means that you hit a bump in the road – and as long as we live and breathe; we definitely will hit many bumps and curves. Keep in mind that Rejection, while hurtful could be God’s way of saying “Wrong Direction” If you learn to change your focus even towards rejection, you can and will change your LIFE towards how you allow “the R word” to rule it!

Don’t allow rejection to cause you to jump out of the plane without a parachute – You have control of your own life just make sure your parachute is packed for safe landing.

Do you have a story about Rejection and how you handled it? Tell us about it, it may just appear in a blog post (with your permission of course).

Can Someone Please Pull Me Out of this Funk?

Published on February 20, 2017February 21, 2017 by Roshonda B2 Comments

Soooo, lately I’ve been feeling pretty – let’s say “unaccomplished.” It seems like no matter what I do, I seem to be moving backwards instead of forwards. My writing if I can be honest has even been way off, everything that I try to say just seems to come out as “BLAH, BLAH, BLAH” sort of like the adults voice in a Charlie Brown episode almost gibberish so to speak. My mojo, aspirations, emotions and sync ALL ZAPPED!

When I pick up a pen to write…..it’s almost like it leaves my hand and goes elsewhere. I have to admit, this emotion didn’t happen overnight, It all started on a rainy day in November, the end of November to be exact, when my best friend; confidante; girl and a bag of pearls left me forever. She was my mom. I loved her sooo much, as a matter of fact – some of my writings have been based on her such as “The Ugly Duckling Experience”, “Give Like you Rich” & “Lord, I need your Help! I Think.”

She was my greatest inspiration and cheerleader; everything I did or accomplished; was because of her. I lived to make her proud but on November 29^th I felt like all of my dreams and aspirations went out the window just as her last breath did. I remember getting the news at work and when I heard the words “Mama Passed this morning” from my sister, I went into a state of shock and disbelief. As I drove what seemed like forever to get to the hospital, my mind went into flashback mode of how she took care of me as a child and fast forwarded to the many things that she rooted and cheered me on about – even the things that weren’t so good.

I could talk to her about any and everything. She always told me “I don’t only want to be your mother, but I want to be your best friend” and that she was until God called her home. I really didn’t want to believe what the doctors were telling us about mama, they weren’t saying anything that they hadn’t said before and like all those other times – I felt like mama was going to pull through this, as she had always done previously. But this time was different…..

The doctors told us in the beginning that they give her 6 months; I ran with that – as Daddy was looking into second opinions and options and we as a family tried to put our heads together on what the next steps would be as far as her care was concerned. 6 months soon turned into 3 months; those months turned into two weeks. They told us that they give her Thanksgiving and that they really didn’t look for her to make it too or past that day but man’s extremity is just an opportunity for God to work. She not only lived to Thanksgiving, but she lived five days after it…I mean, what do Doctors really know – right?

When I got to the hospital; I remember walking into the room and just walked over and laid my body across hers; I cried and cried and cried – almost inconsolable. Why did she leave me? Why did God take her now? Why didn’t he heal her?…..so many questions flooded my mind as I laid across her lifeless body. My mom was a giver, she always gave her best and her last to everyone; she loved to see people smile. All the giving that my mom did in her life and right at the end of hers, I couldn’t give her what she needed to stay alive.

While for the last couple of months, I’ve been trying to cope with her being gone – it’s been quite an adjustment. I find myself looking back on her past text messages that she sent to me and read them over and over again. Yes, I think about her a lot. Sometimes I can’t believe that she’s really gone and think that maybe I’ll soon pick up my work phone or cell and hear her voice on the other end, telling me; she played a huge joke on me – as she would always state. “I’m a good actress” but I know in my heart that will not happen as the actress took her last bow.

So, I’ve been in what some would call a funk – it’s like I know what I’m supposed to be doing but can’t seem to really do it, if that makes sense. I talk to people and laugh and smile with them but on the inside, I feel so broken and incomplete. Yes, I’ve learned to put on a serious poker face. While mama is in a better place and deep on the inside of me, I’m really happy about that. I have to get out of this funk, I crawled myself into and fast. She always wanted the best for me and my state of mind is one thing I’m sure she would want me to get under control – “You gotta live too” she would say and she couldn’t be more right. I have to LIVE TOO!

Carolyn Annette Blackmon-Greene

10/22/1961 – 11/29/2016

Rest in Peace Mama a.k.a “Baby Mook”

Until we Chat Again, I Love You

You’re Always in my Heart!

Roshonda a.k.a “Mookie”

Have you ever gotten yourself into a Funk? A rough time in your life where you feel stuck, depressed or just discouraged? What did you do to get through your rough patch.

This blog post is a Q&A so please feel free to leave your comments below. We never know what the smiling faces of people that have broken hearts behind them may be dealing with. Let’s help each other and others whom may befacing a serious Funk!