Author: Roshonda B

My name is Roshonda Blackmon and I have been known in life as “the encourager” God gave me that gift before I even realized what it was or what it truly meant, the only thing I knew is that a vast amount of people liked to come to me for advice and once that advice was received, I never heard from them anymore until they wanted more advice. That gifting soon became my ministry. I’ve been through quite a bit of challenges in life from dealing with suicide, low self-image which resulted in low self-esteem, to the difficulties of growing up in a one parent household and the list goes on and on. But God in all his Mercy and Grace blessed me to overcome those obstacles and situations and gave me a “second” chance by allowing me to live through all that darkness in order to help spread an encouraging light to others. In a world of uncertainty and negatism’s I want to encourage you to LIVE. Yes, Life does get hard sometimes, But if we keep looking up at the SON; we gain strength, we become empowered and we grow in the process with God’s help; for it doesn’t matter where you are in your life at this moment in time; God is able and will meet you within that dark place and change your life from Dark to Light, I’m not only a witness to this; but JustsumInspiration to show you, That you too can make it.

Being A Friend To Have Friends

Published on by Roshonda B1 Comment

You’ve heard the saying, “Life can give you Lemons” and that is very true; but what happens when you need to turn those lemons into lemonade and have no one there to help you do it. That’s where a true friend comes in at to help us navigate through life’s hits, boomerangs and punches. Finding a friend that you can relate too can be difficult and while this isn’t an easy feat, due to our different personalities, backgrounds, hurts, habits or hang-ups we all need someone to lean on when life throws us curve balls.

I never had friends growing up; I could remember maybe one or two in 5th or 6th grade but otherwise, I was mainly a loner. I wanted to hang with the popular kids, but wasn’t popular enough. I wanted to hang with the smart kids, but wasn’t smart enough. I wanted to hang with the pretty girls, but wasn’t pretty enough. Everywhere I looked; I wasn’t enough for anyone – not even the kids whom were just like me; thing is, they had at least one friend. I didn’t have any.

So I put up a wall which lead to resistance and anger. As I got older I began to acquire friends but noticed my attitude towards them was mean, harsh and downright rude. When they wanted to hang-out, I always found a way to bail out and when they wanted to talk; I found a way to dismiss them. What had I become? The girl who couldn’t get a friend because of how I looked and etc. was now the bully in a friendship. I treated those friends exactly how I had been treated. Past hurts and the negativity that stemmed from it was keeping me from obtaining the friendships I had once desired. So, if you truly desire to have friends or become friendlier, then listed below are four tips which will help you get over the hurdle of unfriendliness?

Tip #1: Forget the Past

Forget the Past

Most of the times the reason why we can’t move forward in life or relationships is because we are still stuck in the Past, thinking about what happened before or who did what and why only keeps you in a ‘negative’ state of mind. If you truly want to move forward you have to forgive your past and the people in it.

Tip #2: Tell Hurt – Goodbye!

Charlie Brown Goodbye

Another thing that keeps us in the past old wounds or previous HURT; that word alone keeps us from opening up to other experiences – I’ve heard people say ‘Once Hurt, Always Hurt’ and they hold on to that mantra throughout every relationship. Remember, hurt is an enemy and as long as you hold on to it, it will hold on to you.

Tip #3: Open up the Doors of your Heart

Open Heart

Once you decide to move forward, then you have to open up your heart again; this is not easy but it paves the way for new things to enter and old things to exit.

 Tip #4: At Least Try

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Before you decide that you don’t want to deal with the anxieties of opening up to something new, at least give it a try. As the saying says, ‘If at first you don’t succeed, Try and Try Again! Sometimes the third, sixth or eighth time can truly be a charm.

The Bible says “A man who has friends must himself be friendly” (Prov. 18:24 NKJV); Starting today, determine to let go of whatever hurts you’re holding onto from the past and choose to be the kind of friend that you’d always wanted or desired for yourself, for someone else. I promise you’ll be glad you did and as you begin to open up – you’ll begin to see your life shape into something beautiful, something great and something positive. But only if you open up and allow it to seek new possibilities and relationships.

Elephant and Dog

Because Everyone Needs a Friend…

All Photo's Courtesy of Bing

 

5 Common Mistakes Women Must Give Up, To Get the Man of Thier Dreams

Published on by Roshonda B3 Comments

Relationships are hard work alone & Dating with all of its rules, guidelines and catch phrases is another monster, all it’s own. So, how do you obtain a good relationship, less known get a date?, I mean what is it that you could be saying or doing that seems to not be attracting the right person. If you’re wondering if your looks or appearance could be the reason, think again! Most dating mistakes happen the moment we open our mouths, Yes! our mouth could be the very reason most of us, Fall short in Dating and Fail at Relationships.

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In my early dating stages, I can tell you – I was a wreck and my mouth posed to be an even bigger risk. I felt as if I had to tell a guy everything about me, my past, my future, my expectations along with my goals, dreams, fears, hurts, habits and hang-ups and this was just on the phone; we hadn’t even gotten to the first date yet. I used to wonder why I would either never get a call back or if they did call back, it wasn’t talks of going out on a date, it was because they were bored and I just seemed to be tfish and hookhe person they either wanted to vent too or just talk too. Yes, I was a good friend; but not a good partner for a relationship. I even had one guy to tell me that I reminded him of his grandmother – LIKE, REALLY???, I had to take a good look in the mirror on that one – was it my words of wisdom that had him traumatized?, whatever it was; it  didn’t garner a date and then again, I don’t think I would have wanted one with him after that comment. I also had an issue with not totally being myself; I tried to fix myself up to be whom I felt like the guy wanted me to be, I lost weight; dyed my hair; bought creams to make my skin lighter and even wore hair extensions to obtain a longer length of hair and I’m not going to even talk about other crazy things I would do and/or did just to obtain a guy’s attention….Trust me, as I’ve gotten older, those things weren’t worth my sanity nor time. I never fully let my hair down to be me, because I was trying to be with them. Over time of not “catching too many fish on the hook” I realized that there was one thing that was holding me back from getting a chance of having a date;  outside of not being myself,  I realized that MY MOUTH! was the ultimate hammer that nailed the coffin shut.  Yes, here I was talking marriage, babies, future and goals to someone whom I didn’t even get a chance to see if they were that interested in me or not; however, they knew I wasn’t’ the one for them.  So as a woman who was in limbo with dating, those experiences have garnered me to write out a couple of mistakes I made and that you may be making too. So, let’s get started with a couple of Do’s and Don’t s:

Dating TipsTip #1:  LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THYSELF: I underlined & capitalized this for a reason. Please ladies, let’s show love to ourselves first. Love your curves, your mind, your choices. Just love you. I can’t tell you how many times, I jumped into a relationship looking for love but didn’t love myself. When you love you, then you take the pressure off of a guy having to force himself to love you back. When you love you – then everyone else will love you too and even if they don’t; guess what! Who Cares! because you love you and that’s the first and only thing that matters anyway.

Tip#2: Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself:  Yes, that was a popular song in the 90’s but it’s even popular for us ladies. Listen to your gut, we know if we’re really ready for a relationship or not. Most of us still need a little fixing on the inside of us first before we are able to invite someone else in. If you have low-self esteem or are not comfortable with your weight, then I would suggest you try to fix those things  before entering into a relationship. Men like confident women and if you’re not displaying that, then the relationship will plummet before it takes off the runway.

Tip#3: No Need To Pack The Bags: When you’re on a date or before you even go on a date determine to leave the bags of the past in the past. A guy doesn’t need to know that you were once depressed, was suicidal, was married (unless it’s a topic of discussion) he doesn’t need to know about baby daddies and all those issues. Shh!, Keep those things to yourself (at least until you feel like the relationship is going somewhere after you’ve had enough dates with the person) A first date should be about you, career goals and aspirations. Not Drama! So keep that bag at home.

Tip#4: Knight In Shining Armor…Not!: Okay, so sometimes we ladies tend to get a little movie struck. We sometimes look at how relationships are played out in a movie and desire for that to happen in our own lives, let’s get real. It’s a Movie with actor and actresses whom are or were paid to act that way. They were reading a script. Just because the guy comes in with a cane, doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy or just because he doesn’t look like your favorite actor, doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy. Give everyone an opportunity. They just may surprise you.

Tip #5: Keep The Cookie In The Cookie Jar: Make sure your hormones are in check before you go on a date. There’s a number of people whom have sex on the first date and what’s even more common is the fact that it’s unprotected. Let a guy fall for your mind first, not what’s in your pants. Building a relationship based off of sex; usually does not last. When sex supersedes a conversation and becomes your first foundation; it’s hard to get back on track with a good convo. So keep the cookie under lock and key. Whatever decision you make regarding the individual you want to make sure it’s based on true emotion and not a sexual one in which could cloud your judgment immensely concerning the person, especially if he has a lot of red flags that require your full undivided attention.

And guys, I didn’t forget about you – the same effort you put into getting the “cookie” can also be the same effort you put into having a good, healthy relationship. Here are some tips for you to look over in order to get the Woman of your dreams and keep her long enough than a one-night stand: 5 Things Men Must Give Up, To Be With the Right Woman!

Do you have any dating tips you would like to share? List them in the comments so we can get a conversation going.

Rejection Sucks! But Life Doesn’t Have Too.

Published on by Roshonda B2 Comments

Rejection is one of the most devastating things that anyone can deal with. As a people when we are rejected; we tend to immediately shut down from life all together, it’s almost as if someone has handed us a death sentence and sentenced us to die – right there on the spot. And if we’re not careful, we’ll carry out that sentence by killing everything that comes within our path – we’ll put a torch to our dreams, goals and aspirations with one match.

While rejection is a hard pill to swallow, it doesn’t have to be your death sentence. Let’s face it, everyone is not going to like everything we do or say, they’re not going to like everything you wear, your opinion, your thoughts on common life issues and so forth. They’re not going to like the way you look or even your personality. People have a tendency to reject the things that they aren’t familiar with or the things that they don’t understand or have knowledge of basically due to maybe how they were raised, their own rejections or how they perceive certain things; they then take that analysis and use it to belittle and/or be demeaning to others whom either don’t think, look or act like they do.

I’ve had my share of rejection in life and it hurts, it hurts really bad because basically we take rejection as saying “We’re not Good Enough” – I have been rejected from getting certain jobs and/or positions, I’ve been rejected for how I look, the way I think, my see the glass half-full mentality, the way I dress, wear my hair. I’ve even been rejected because I have a good personality and get along with a variety of people. And if I had listened to those rejectors, I wouldn’t be here today because I would have allowed them to dictate my every move, including my dreams, aspirations and future.

Just because you’ve been rejected, don’t mean you have to go through life living that way. It took me a while to get over rejection; however, I began to read the word of God – there I was able to see and read what God thought of me (He said in Psalms 139:14) that I was fearfully and wonderfully made and his works were marvelous because he CREATED ME! (think about that). I also begin to hang around positive minded people, because we really are susceptible to our environment. I realized that it wasn’t anything wrong with me, after-all; the world would be a very boring place if everyone was exactly the same – right? Why FIT IN, when you were born to STAND OUT!rejection-success

Remember these 5 tips, the next time Rejection comes a knocking at your door:

  1. Rejection is a part of Life that everyone experiences – no exceptions. 
  2. Rejection doesn’t like “Positivity” so surround yourself with positive minded people. 
  3. Rejection isn’t always “Bad”, sometimes rejection is a good thing. If you allow it, it can help us change our focus on the problem and focus on a solution.
  4. Move Forward – Rejection will happen and when it does, don’t allow it to stop you from enjoying life. Rejection is just a bump in the road; not an End to Life.
  5. Just be yourself – There’s no one in the world like you and there never will be, so make the best of who you are and give rejection a kick in the butt. Because you’re here to stay! & with that mindset? you’ll continue to be undefeated by the “R” word and it’s many tactics.

Remember, Rejection doesn’t mean you’re not good enough, it just means that you hit a bump in the road – and as long as we live and breathe; we definitely will hit many bumps and curves. Keep in mind that Rejection, while hurtful could be God’s way of saying “Wrong Direction”  If you learn to change your focus even towards rejection, you can and will change your LIFE towards how you allow “the R word” to rule it!

Don’t allow rejection to cause you to jump out of the plane without  a parachute – You have control of your own life just make sure your parachute is packed for safe landing. 

Do you have a story about Rejection and how you handled it? Tell us about it, it may just appear in a blog post (with your permission of course).

SELF-HELP APRIL IS COMING!

Published on by Roshonda BLeave a comment

Do you need help with an area in your life, or have questions about an on-going problem you are facing?
Well, Help is on the way!

For the whole month of April, I will be posting blogs giving advice on some of the questions that I’ve been asked to talk about. They are sort of “Self-Help” tips that will hopefully get you back on track to either living the life you want to live or give you a peace of mind as you continue to travel on your journey of self-discovery.  Listed below are the topics that will be discussed during the month:

Rejection sucks, BUT Life Doesn’t Have Too.

rejection

Rejection, Unfortunately is a word that no one likes to encounter. Rejection may be a bad word, but it doesn’t have to be a death sentence. I will give you a couple of tips to endure it.

5 Things Women Must Give Up to Get The Man of Their Dreams

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We all have issues, men and women alike. But if you are having trouble obtaining or keeping a relationship because of “issues” then I will give you 5 tips that maybe you are doing that’s keeping you from having a healthy relationship.

BEING A FRIEND TO HAVE FRIENDS

ELEPHANT

In order to gain friends, you must first be friendly. Finding a friend that you can relate too is difficult, but what if your attitude is the determining factor in you not having the friendships you so desire. I’ll share my story and give you a couple of tips that will hopefully allow you to open the door and began to let people in.

How to remain “SANE” in Singleness

Stay Sane2

Being single can sometimes be a drab, Most singles waste their good energy on trying to find Mr or Mrs. Right – someone in hopes that will complete them, but no matter how hard we try to find that “perfect mate” We must first be in a good place ourselves. I’ll give you a couple of “Do’s and Don’t s” to keep you calm in the process.

So, be on the lookout every Thursday morning in the month of April for a Self-Help Blog Post.    Please feel free to share and comment.

Because Self-Help is definitely the BEST HELP!  
If you’ve been following me on Facebook, then you’ll know for the month of January and February we were doing a study on the names of God. Well, If you missed any of it – NO WORRIES!, I have a booklet that I created for you. If you would like a copy, please send me your request to justsuminspiration@gmail.com and I’ll send you a copy.
Talk Soon!
Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of JustsumInspiration

From the Sea Floor to the Surface: When God brings up Matters we don’t want to Face.

Published on by Roshonda B2 Comments

Has God ever dealt with you about the little kinks in your life. The Kinks that you kick under the rug and chalk up as it just being who you are? Well, you’ve heard the song “Search Me Lord“ – the lyrics go something like this:

Oh, search me, Lord/ Search me, Lord/ Shine the light from heaven on my soul, if you find anything that shouldn’t be/Take it out and strengthen me/Cause I wanna be right/I wanna be saved/And I wanna be whole.

A song like that sounds so good when you hear it and I really do believe at the time that is exactly what we really want God to do. But if I can be honest – when God really does search us and bring it to the surface for us to either repent and/or handle or ask for forgiveness of; it’s not so easy. As a matter of fact it’s quite painful and nerving because that truth is now an open box that you have to deal with face-to-face. Sometimes we chalk things up as “Oh, that’s just who I am – I can’t help it,” we know its a problem, but it’s a small problem that we tend to sweep under the rug to not remember any more.

I just had this experience on several occasions within the past week and because I’m big on being transparent, I wanted to share that with you today. As long as I could remember, I’ve always been known to be a very sweet, outgoing, loving and catering person – notice the last word – Catering. Yes, I tend to cater to peoples needs. However, I had a serious issue that the Lord had to really dig up and bring to the surface. By the time he brought it up out of the water, what started out as something as small as a grain of sand; ended up turning into a ship – Yes! I had kept the problem buried for so long until it had grown bigger over time. Not ReadyThe problem I had was being totally honest with people. I’ve always been a caterer and when you cater to people, you tend to cater to their needs and wants, forgetting all about what you really need and want.

I had a good friend to ask me to be in a wedding this year, she wanted me to be the Maid of Honor, talk about excited – I was ecstatic about it, especially with helping her to plan her special day to trying on the dress and the whole nine. But, things took a major turn when I realized I didn’t have the funds to be in the wedding. On another note, I had a friend to give me some materials to write out for her; she wanted to turn a couple of videos into blog post and had asked, if I didn’t mind – could I do it. Of course I said Yes, very quickly. While I did do the first set of videos, Life happened and I wasn’t able to do the other set. Another Instance, lately I’ve been looking at moving and was looking into different places; I seen one I liked and contacted the property owner to setup a time to go and look at it, but on the day that I went to look – it was raining very badly and I ended up not going.

So, you may be wondering – Okay, so what’s the problem? Well, the thing is when life happened for me or if I couldn’t do something that I promised; I always came up with a lie as to why I couldn’t do it or just didn’t respond to the issue at hand – I always found it easier to just not respond to things of that nature, I literally would go M.I.A and when I was confronted – I would make something up that sounded really good and move on. Well God dealt with me about that and the instances I told you above went like this:

I was honest with my good friend and told her that as much as I would like to be in the wedding, I really couldn’t afford to do it. Money is tight and I had other pressing issues that needed to be handled. (In the past, I would have pressed on with being in the wedding and would have forsook all other responsibilities) And while they were off on wedded bliss, I would have been home crying my eyes out about how I was going to pay my next light bill. I ended up telling my friend that I apologize about the videos and not getting them to her in the time-frame that she wanted me too, I told her that life for me had gotten busy and that I would not be able to do anymore at this time but would finish the one’s she gave to me. (In times past, I would have just made something up about my reasoning’s). And last but not least the apartment showing – I ended up calling the lady and told her that I wouldn’t be able to make it to the showing and that I wanted to call her ahead of time and let her know. (In times past, I would have let the time come and go and she would not have saw me,  I would have let her go out to the showing without calling or giving a reason as to why I couldn’t make it).

The bible says, “The small foxes, destroy the vine” Song of Solomon 2:15 – It’s not the big things in the end that will get us, it’s the small things that we don’t really think of or take notice too that will ultimately be our demise – even with getting into heaven. While I didn’t want God to reveal those things to me about myself – I appreciated the fact that he did and that he loved me enough to bring that big ship out of the ocean for me to confront. We’re all a work in progress, It’s better to be at peace with yourself than to displease God just to please people. If we are truly adamant about being like Christ and/or going back to be with him, then we have to allow him to bring all of our oceans bottom, to the TOP!

What about you
Has God been tugging at you to bring something from your sea floor to the surface?

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