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How To Get Through Loss During The Holidays…

Published on December 7, 2017December 6, 2017 by Roshonda B8 Comments

photo credit above courtesy of bing

I used to feel really sad for people whom went through the holidays without a loved one or someone to spend the holidays with because let’s face it, who really wants to be alone when the holidays roll around – no one. (I don’t care what they say..) but I always said a special prayer for people who lost a loved one, whether husband, wife, child, friend, pet – it didn’t matter, I prayed for them. At the time I had no clue as to what they were actually feeling but I tried to place my feet in their shoes for just a moment to imagine the pain they must’ve been feeling, although I never had….at least until last year.

I mentioned briefly in this past Sunday’s Thought message of the difficult circumstances concerning my mom and what happened. I lost her five days after Thanksgiving and we funeralized her the first week of December, so needless to say Christmas went straight down the drain last year, it was also the first time since starting this blog that I didn’t write anything that whole month. Once January 2017 rolled in, I knew that it would be a really tough year – the only thing I kept thinking as each day and month passed by was the fact that “This time last year, mama was here.” which honestly has played in mind up until recently, when I could actually say, “This time last year, mama wasn’t here” – When January 2018 comes in, that will pretty much be a fresh start for me, the beginning of truly leaving the year behind and all the pain it held in it. It’ll also be a year in which, I can finally let mama go and begin to move forward and live my life as she would have wanted me too.

While the holidays bring their own type of vibe and it may be a little hard to celebrate the season because you’ve suffered a loss, rest assured that even though your special loved one isn’t here, doesn’t mean that you have to exclude them or yourself from still having a special holiday. Listed below are a couple of tips that I’ve learned and have done since loosing my mom and maybe they’ll help you or even a friend whom may be experiencing the “blues” this season due to a special loss.

1. Talk About It, Get It Out of Your System…

Keeping my feelings to myself in regards to my mom dying suddenly would have been a train wreck had I not had a good support group. If you don’t have one, then talk to someone in whom you trust such as a pastor, good neighbor, co-worker or counselor. Trust me, keeping your emotions locked up only breeds fire – you have to get it out, so you can begin the process of moving forward and having a peace of mind in regards to the loss.

2. Keep the Traditions Alive!

My mom was a game player, she loved coming up with unique games in which people could win prizes. Now, don’t get me wrong; my mom didn’t make a lot of money, in fact she only received a disability check once a month but you wouldn’t have known that with the gifts she gave out. Every year for Christmas we pulled names as a family to exchange gifts and mama would invite people over for a unique Christmas game (I never knew how she could come up with such thoughtful games) afterwards, she would award the winner and the losers as well with some amazing gifts. She always made people feel good, no matter where she went and she always had some little trinket to give them, to make their day a little brighter. It’s good to keep memories/traditions alive when you lose a loved one, we’re so quick to want to forget everything once their gone, but we have to realize when we keep their memory open, their spirit will always be alive.

3. Time really does HEAL…

I can and will say that it will take time for you to heal, and you do that as often and as much as you need to, don’t let anyone define to you when you need to let go or stop crying…you do what you need to do to deal with your loss. Remember all the good times because those are the memories that are going to get you thru your toughest days and with the holidays now here, this time of year makes those tough days harder. Remember, healing also occurs when you surround yourself with positive, caring people. I’m still healing every single day.

4. Get Involved In Activities…

There’s a scripture in the bible that says, “An idle mind is the devils workshop” and boy that scripture couldn’t be further from the truth, the enemy works and toils with our emotions and when we’re down, feeling blue or even sad – he pounces on those emotions, his goal is to take you deeper into a “blue” place, so deep until it’s hard for your to come up to breathe. Find something that you like doing that will help take your mind off of your current situation, focusing on other things does not mean that you’re forgetting about your loved one. It’s just you letting your brain and body know that you have to keep them sharp and moving forward. You’ll have your moments and that’s totally okay, but when that moment is happening every day? It’s time to get up and find a hobby or get involved in a charity….maybe even one your loved one preferred. Just don’t sit and let yourself go because at the end of the day, “Would your loved one really want you to do that?”

5. Signs and Wonders…

I was in the break room at work a little shy over a month ago eating lunch, I always sit at the table in which has a window by it, once you sit down at it; the only thing you can see are the clouds. Suddenly, I thought to myself – “I wonder if my mom know how much, I loved her?” and no joke, it seemed like as soon as I said that my head immediately turned to look at the sky and I promise you – there was a heart shaped cloud there. I was sooooo amazed that I hurried and tried to get my camera up on my phone but when I looked back up, it had faded away. I know that sounds crazy, but I wanted to share that to let you know that even though our loved ones may be gone from this side, their on the other side watching over us and if you look around closely, you just may see little signs of them still wondering around, letting you know that they’re okay. So, be encouraged!

I hope this post was a little help and offer some comfort as you go on through Christmas and the rest of this month. God bless you and know that I am praying for you and while you’re on your knees, please say a little prayer for me too.

In_Memory_Life_Beautifully_Lived_Memorial_Candle — **Carolyn Blackmon-Greene 10/22/1961 – 11/29/2016**

You’re forever in my heart Mama!

Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

Let’s Live Well, Laugh Loud, Inspire More & Love Harder!

Sunday’s Thought: A $20 Bill and A Spot in the Shade…

Published on December 3, 2017December 1, 2017 by Roshonda B6 Comments

I’m the type of person that believe in miracles, I believe in the unexpected. I’m very optimistic, I believe that anything is possible. However; I usually have this type of belief when it comes to other people, never for myself…lol. When unexpected miracles and blessings happen for people, I get SOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited, I act as if what they’ve just experienced has also just happened to me as well. I’ve never been the type of person that gets jealous or become envious when nice things happen to people, I guess deep down inside of me, I feel as though being happy for them will in someway improve the…for lack of a better word – “karma” in my own life, but I guess the happier you are doesn’t always necessarily mean that, that same fortune will follow you or at least that’s what I thought, until last Wednesday happened….

Last Wednesday (29th), made one year that my mom has been deceased. I have to say, I really wasn’t looking forward to that day although I knew it was coming, no matter what I felt or thought – that time last year, I was at work when I got the news from my sister that my mom had slipped peacefully away from us. She had been in the hospital for well over a month and the doctors were coming in like every other day, not to give us good news concerning her condition – but worse news. First they told us, she had 6 months, in which quickly turned into 2 weeks and before we could try to adjust ourselves to that news, they announced “We don’t think she’ll make it to Thanksgiving” talk in which at that time was less than a week away; needless to say, she lived 5 days after Thanksgiving. So this year has been a really tough first year without her; getting through mother’s day was the hardest day of my life. But, here I was now facing the one year mark and thinking of how I was going to spend the day. I wanted to do something simple – yet – carefree for the day. I didn’t want to do social media and I didn’t, I sort of unplugged that day to reflect.

It was such a beautiful day last Wednesday, the weather was so perfect, it was almost like one of those days that the movies could only create, I remember thanking God for such a beautiful day, as last year it was rainy and cold on the very same day. I wanted to stay home but then I thought, what good would that do (an idle mind is the devil’s workshop). So I packed my lunch, went to New Bern and spent time with a dear friend. We walked and looked at shops and suddenly decided to go to the park to eat our lunch. Upon parking and getting out of the car to find a place to sit, I noticed two benches; one looked as if the sun was shining right on it and the other which was further away, looked a little shadier, as it was located near a tree. “Let’s go over there” I stated, once we walked over we began to eat our lunch and talk, when all of a sudden out the corner of my right eye, I noticed this lady fastly approaching us. As she came closer, I began to get a little paranoid; people just randomly walking up to you is not as innocent as it used to be and with so much going on now, you have to be careful. As she approached, I heard her say “Hi, I know you don’t know me and I don’t know you” I have to be honest, the first thing I thought was – “Okay, is she going to ask for cash?” – “What story is she coming over here with.” I mean, it is closer to the holidays and people are trying to get something for their children or themselves; I mean, it is the season of giving, right?

Now she was standing on the side of the table repeating her earlier sentence “I know you don’t know me and I don’t know you, but God just blessed me and I wanted to pass that blessing on to someone else” Immediately, I was stunned…mainly because I had already put up a defense guard but when she said that, I felt that guard slowly letting down. “I just want to bless you,” she said and she put a twenty-dollar bill in my hand and my good friends hand. “I just wanted to be a blessing to someone,” she said. I was so shocked and stunned by what she did and her act of “receive a blessing, pass a blessing” until I almost let her walk off without giving her a huge hug, in which I did when I snapped out of my trance. I thanked her again and again and again….”You’re welcome, Be Blessed” was all she said as she quickly walked to her car, I watched her as she drove away. WOWWWW!!!! was the only word all me and my friend could say. I suddenly raised my hands to God and gave him a big thank you!

Her act of kindness was something that I seen happen many times over to other people, but never thought that it would ever happen to me. Now I know you must be saying “Well, it was just $20.00, but it was a true blessing to me as I went to my mom’s home town with little to no gas and was wondering how I was going to get back home, but didn’t really think about it much – so it was a right on time blessing and she didn’t even know about it, she just felt compelled to bless someone that day because she had been blessed and what a tremendous blessing it was!

Have you ever been compelled to do something out of the extraordinary and did it?

Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

Let’s Live Well, Laugh Loud, Inspire More & Love Harder!

A Quote Here, A Quote There – There’s Quotes Everywhere!

Published on November 30, 2017November 27, 2017 by Roshonda B3 Comments

Well, since today is the last day of the month of November …andddd… since we’ve been discussing gratitude all month – I thought I’d end this month with a bang by sharing my 10 best/favorite gratitude quotes with you. You know gratitude is a little thing that means a whole lot – it’s the quality or feeling of being grateful and/or thankful. While we can look around us and all agree “What in the world is there to be grateful for?” and low and behold, if you tune into the news or social media outlets daily and view all the negativity it has going on, the whole world looks as if its going mad and it’ll make you want to throw in the towel and get mad right along with it, all of which can be very depressing.

We can’t help what comes across the news just as well as we can’t help what other people do, how they feel or what they think. In this life, we can only control what we do, how we think, what we say and how we feel about certain situations; therefore, it’s up to us to look through all the negative junk and find a positive or I guess you can say “silver” lining in the world around you. There’s always something to be thankful for – in some cases you may have to look deep to find it but in most cases, it’s the simple things such as giving thanks for your life, health and strength, because someone, somewhere is wishing they had at least one of the three. Bottom line, the world may be mad but it’s not what the world does; but its what you allow yourself to see and how you allow yourself to react to it.

Listed below are my 10 top fave quotes – If yours didn’t make the list, then feel free to give me your favorite in the comments!

Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. Maya Angelou
Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart, it could hold a rather large amount of gratitude. A.A. Milne
What consumes your mind, Controls your life. Practice Gratitude. Unknown
When some things go wrong, take a moment to be thankful for the many more things that went and are still going right. Unknown
You gotta look for the Good in the Bad, The Happy in your Sad, The Gain in your Pain and what makes you Grateful not Hateful. Karen Salmansohn
If the only prayer you said was thank you, that would be enough. Meister Eckhart
No matter what language you speak, a kind and smiling Thank You, Always speaks to everyone’s hearts. Unknown
The miracle of gratitude is that it shifts your perception to such an extent that it changes the world you see. Dr. Robert Holden
What if you woke up Today with only the things that you thanked God for yesterday? Unknown
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. John F. Kennedy

Do you have a favorite gratitude quote?, don’t forget to leave it in the comments below!!

Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of A Blog, A Magazine. It’s JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

Let’s Live Well, Laugh Loud, Inspire More & Love Harder!

Sunday’s Thought: Okay, So Why Are You Still There?

Published on November 19, 2017November 13, 2017 by Roshonda BLeave a comment

photo above courtesy of bing/onlineincometeacher

Long ago, I had a job that I hated – for most of you I bet you’re saying “Join the club, Girl,” while this job was a dream come true in the beginning; the longer I stayed there the crazier, wackier and more dysfunctional it had become. I found myself hating to get up in the morning to take the long commute to get there, most days I cried before I got out of the car to enter the building – Yes, it was just that bad. I mean, I was (in my opinion) a good worker, I did my job and caught on quickly to any new tasks that were given to me, but no matter what I seemed to do, I still wasn’t liked or favored by upper management. They were the type of boss that showed favoritism to the people that didn’t do their jobs, they took glory in the gossipers whom sat in the corner and talked about everyone else; I mean, they joined them and talked about people too including the ones that were doing the gossiping; but here I was, trying to put out good work and still couldn’t get ahead with them, everything I did was wrong and even if it was right – they would always find a piece of the puzzle that just wasn’t put in securely.

I couldn’t win for always loosing – but I persevered on and kept doing what I was supposed to do. Suddenly one day the job that I had always wanted came up for grabs – thinking that I would be first choice for this job (since I was working closely with the person that was already doing it) I put in my application – to my surprise, quite a few people put in their applications as well for the same job – which was ridiculous to me because why would they do that and they hadn’t lifted a finger in the job that I was currently doing; but I kept my hopes up – when it came time for me to have my interview, I was excited – I was asked questions about the job that I had already known but……things turned when I was asked, “So, how much time are you willing to put into this position because it’s a lot more work than what you are doing now.” I stated – “I’m going to give it 100%.” 100%?, they asked. “I mean – you can’t commit 100% to anything, you’ll burn out.” Suddenly, I began to think about my current job and how I submitted this big report, a report that had all these mathematical numbers to it which involved budgets and accounting – no one had submitted that report and passed it error free, not even the predecessor that was once in that job – but, I had done it with flying colors – THE FIRST TIME! then I was asked the question, “Are you married?” by another interviewer, a friend of the boss in whom they felt like was knowledgeable about the job. I said No, and they both looked at each other like it was a crime to be a single mother and have a demanding job. All in all when the interview was over, they said decisions would be made tomorrow and that was it.

Tomorrow came and I was asked to come into the office, I was told later that a deputy was called in (just in case I got upset, in which is so out of my character but that was the way the authority figure was in that job – they would make hasty decisions and then call security, because they loved drama) once I sat down – I was told that I didn’t get the job and that they were sorry, they found someone else more qualified. I took a deep breath and said “Ok, is that all?” They said yes and I got up from my seat and walked out. I was told later that they were nervous because they didn’t know what I was going to do – but I had no intentions of doing anything. That was one incident out of many, many, many more incidents that happened while I was there but I continued to stay, in hopes that maybe they would see me differently and see that I really was a good worker, I worked with people whom came in the door one day and watched them take the job that I so desired, seems like the next – but I kept a good attitude through it all. So, you might say – well why did you stay? And my answer for that is “I wanted to see that authority figure fail” I wanted to see them get what they deserved because they had not only mistreated me but many other people in the process – everyone was tired of it, but no one had the power or the guts to stand up to them. I wanted God to allow me to stay so I can see them get payback for every wrong thing that they had done……what I failed to realize was this famous scripture “Vengeance is mine saith the Lord, I will repay” Romans 12:19 KJV you see, while I was sitting and waiting on them to “get theirs” I was holding my own self back from moving forwards. Suddenly, years had passed by and I was still holding on to seeing them get their “revenge”

Staying there to see the “action” unfold had literally kept me in bondage – I had applied for other jobs and had good leads but didn’t take them, I just couldn’t let go. We can’t make someone pay for the things or the wrong doing that they’ve inflicted on us, we truly have to leave that to God. I felt the urge from God to move many times, but I had grown so accustomed to what my mind wanted to do – I ignored his voice. When God says move, we have to move or we’ll waste unnecessary energy and time in the dry place and not our new place which is flowing with milk, honey and less headaches.

I don’t know what place you’re in right now or what situation you’re facing that may be causing you to stay in the same place but let me tell you – God left a long time ago and if you want the “new” blessings he has for you – then you have to leave the place that’s got you stuck. God can’t and won’t bless us if we continue to stay in the same situation, especially when he has provided a way of escape for us to get out.

After years of being waste deep in swamp land, I finally put my faith into action; I brought some boxes to work, went into my office and began to take my things off the walls and box them up; I then told the lord that I was finally ready to move on. While it hurt me deeply to leave, I knew that it was the best move and I have to say, while moving forward has had it’s ups and downs – God has given me more than what I had before and has put me in places and in front of people that I wouldn’t have met or experienced had I had stayed in that dry place. And when I finally left?, God did exactly what he wanted to do, Vengeance really was his, I just had to get out of his way and let him pick up the tab.

Roshonda N. Blackmon – Creator of JustsumInspiration, Author, Speaker & Encourager

Let’s Live Well, Laugh Loud, Love Hard & Inspire Often!

Poem: I Am Thankful

Published on November 16, 2017November 10, 2017 by Roshonda B2 Comments

When I read this poem, it really stirred something in me and also made me realize the many “small” things in which we miss to give thanks for daily and the people who make giving thanks worthwhile. The bible says “In Everything, Give Thanks!” (1 Thess 5:18). No matter what situation or circumstance we may face, while it may be hard to do given the situation; We should be thankful for all things GREAT and small.

I AM THANKFUL

Author Unknown

I am thankful for the wife who says it’s hot dogs tonight because she is home with me and not with someone else.

For the husband who is on the sofa who is being a couch potato because he is home with me and not out at the bars.

For the teenager who is complaining about doing dishes, because that he or she is at home, not on the streets.

For the taxes that I pay, because it means that I’m employed.

For the mess to clean after a party, because it means that I’ve been surrounded by friends.

For the clothes that fit a little too snug, because it means I have enough to eat.

For my shadow that watches me work, because it means I am in the sunshine.

For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing, because it means I have a home.

For all the complaining I hear about the government, because it means that we have freedom of speech.

For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot, because it means I am able to walk and that I have been blessed with transportation.

For my huge heating bill, because it means I am warm.

For the lady behind me in church that sings off key, because it means that I can hear.

For the pile of laundry and ironing, because it means I have clothes to wear.

For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day, because it means I have been capable of working hard.

For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours, because it means that I am alive.

Finally, for too much email, because it means I have friends who are thinking of me.

** ** **

While there are lots of negative things we can complain about; the news displays those things everyday – there are even more wonderful things to be THANKFUL about!, as the poem above so graciously reminds us of all those “small” things everyday.

Wishing you and your family a very blessed and safe Thanksgiving!!