Category: Inspire; Motivate; Encourage

This is a topic that I believe whether you’re a “firm” believer or “not” you can either relate too or know someone that has experienced “CHURCH HURT” – which happens to be the worst hurt you will ever feel probably in your entire existence here on earth, Why? Because we expect “church” people to be different from the world; we expect them to be loyal and nice. When our families turn their back’s on us – we expect the church people to step in and become that true family that we never had…but most of the times what we find out is that they are much more worse than our family; it is at that point where we find ourselves caught in the middle of which side to really trust.

If you took a poll today on why people do not attend church – about 95% of the survey will reveal that most of them were hurt in the church; some have been hurt so bad until they refuse to go back to their church, they begin to ward off every christian and the possibility of attending or joining other churches in the process. This is the reason T.V. evangelism has become so popular as most feel comfortable with just staying home and visiting the T.V.; listening to the latest ministry craze. The world is made up of imperfect people and sad to say or contrary to popular belief, those same “imperfect” people reside within the church too.

The most common mistake people make when they either join, enter or become friends with people in church (especially if those people hold and office or have the title of a Bishop, Pastor, Evangelist and etc) we immediately begin to put them on a pedestal; we begin to praise them for every right and nail them to the cross for every wrong, we make them perfect in our minds and put them up in the ranks where only God is suppose to sit; we look up to them, we aspire to be like them, talk like them, act like them , walk like them – we initially exchange God for them because we can see and feel them. We might even began to believe that maybe God has given them to us in exchange for him; until he returns. But as soon as they do something we don’t like, they act in a way in which we know they shouldn’t act, they lie to us or live outside of what our perfect mind of them says they should live like – Then that’s where church hurt begins.

I’ve had friends and family whom experienced church hurt, I’ve experienced a great deal of it myself and I have to say, it doesn’t feel good. We think because people are in church that they’re suppose to act a certain way – Be nice, kind, comforting, cordial, friendly, helpful, guide and lead by Godly example and endure trials with a smile and a pep in their step; what we find is that they’re rude, obnoxious, self-seekers, liars, deceivers, gossipers, kick you while you’re down, ungrateful, backstabbing, judging cheaters – WOW! not the type of words you’d expect to be said about “church people” – But they’re IMPERFECT, just as we all are. The bible tells us to be PERFECT as Christ is Perfect, it didn’t say these individuals we look up too would be PERFECTED! as none of us will be completely that until Jesus returns –  whether it’s a Pastor/Bishop or lay-member we’re all striving to live out perfection everyday including your “favorite” ministers.

One thing you must remember, when we stand before God on judgment day we “ALL” have to give an account of our own individual sins, issues, hurts, habits and hang-ups this includes you and the people that caused the hurt. On that day – a person’s churchly title will not  matter as we all will be standing before the True Perfect King and give an account for what we’ve all done and said…Good or Bad.

Over coming church hurt or a church’s negativity doesn’t happen overnight, you can’t keep yourself away from the church with the promise to return after everyone has repented, apologized or come to grips that they’re the one’s causing the hurt and pain – that’s not going to happen. You have to make a decision on whom you are truly serving – The People or God; If it’s God, then let him deal with people and let him work on you.

A Few Main Tips to Avoid Church Hurt ~

• Listen more than you Talk – Every church is made up of cliques and they’re not all Godly, for most times they are the one’s keeping up the most static. In listening you learn people’s ways and motives; some are noticed right away while others have mastered hiding their true character. Pray and Ask God to lead you to whom you should talk too.
• Focus on YOU! – You can’t help what other people are doing and not doing; God has gifted you and you can’t waste that gift on putting your attention on negativity or other peoples issues. Let God perfect your gift, use it to the best of your ability and soon, God will move you if the environment you’re in is not right. God may have you in that space to teach you or work something out of you, If you can work through the negative; God will honor that and move you where you truly need to be.
• Don’t Stop Going – You might not want too, but you must stay in church because if you go elsewhere you will be encountered by the same people that you left; in which are guaranteed to be at the next church – TRUST ME – it may be a different church with different people but the negative spirit will remain the same. Let God move you, Not People..

We’re all imperfect trying to live out perfection before a PERFECT King, I don’t know what church hurt you might have experienced in the past or may be going through right now, but just know this and it might be a struggle right now, depending on how deeply embedded your hurt is – Ask God to re-direct your FOCUS off of them and onto HIM! Begin to focus on your talents and gifting’s and work in that until GOD tells you to move. We are not equipped to put anyone in heaven or  hell – Only God can do that, In the meantime Love them, Pray for them and let God do his job in healing you completely.

Will the Real Christian stand up Please?, If it’s not in them, Let it be shown in YOU!

 

 

 

 

 

When I was 20yrs old I took on a job working as a C.N.A, It took me 7 times to pass the test to take a “crash” course of two weeks. Once I began working the job, I quickly noticed the many patients at the time whom were either very ill, lonely, some were talkative and others were very rude and mean. Once an adult and twice a child – that’s what my mom would always say and I never really understood what that truly meant until I started working in that environment. As the months drove by and I began to get to know the patients more and more, I began to think how lonely some of them were – no family visits, no friends or other relatives to come and see them; some were put there by relatives whom never came to see them again and for some that anticipated visit hadn’t happened in over 10-20 years. The stories most of them would tell you would be of happy times, while others were painful and you always knew when those times were; because they would become combative, dazed or simply just shut-down altogether.

There was this one lady in particular whom I loved talking too, Ms. Seven (I called her that because she always had seven soda’s in her refrigerator – seven was really all that could fit in there; she was just as sweet as she wanted to be, very manner-able and always asked me if I wanted a soda pop when I entered her room; she was one of my easy patients because she had great mobility and could help you some that was a fairly difficult issue with others. I quickly noticed that the other girls didn’t want to work with her; they sited her as difficult and said mean things about her; but she wasn’t that way with me.

One day as I started my shift, I had to work a hall with a partner – this wasn’t unusual as most of us worked double shifts at times in which would afford you to work any hall you wanted once your regular shift started, I had an easy hall that day and so she offered to work with me. She had been there for quite some time and began to tell me about the history of the patients there, most I knew of as I had heard other girls talk about it; but when she started talking about Ms. Seven – I felt uncomfortable because I couldn’t believe the woman that I looked forward to seeing everyday did such horrible things – “She hate Blacks” the girl told me – She got several of us fired; she served on the KKK back in the day, she was one of the women whom helped hurt African-Americans – she went on to say that Ms. Seven was a social worker whom threw applications that belonged to a colored families away, she would shred them and tell them their application was denied while she fared Caucasians and gave them a free pass.

I didn’t know why she decided to tell me this, but I immediately began to think about Ms. Seven and how she cried a many days because of the way she said her family treated her and how the people that took care of her treated her; she complained because when she needed someone the most, no one was there for her – the only thing they ever brought her was a case of soda’s in which she would ask me to put 7 in the fridge, I later came to realize that the 7 represented her family members in whom she loved so dearly, A family that didn’t seem to care enough to love her back – She was so frail, small and weak – her hair was very thin to the point you could see her scalp, her legs were twisted; so much so she couldn’t get up to walk, she was confined in a bed at all times – the pain she would be in if you touched her and the screams she let out when you bathed her was unimaginable.

It wasn’t long after that I began to ask other girls to do Ms. Seven’s room; to take care of her and when I would work a double shift, I never asked to get that hall again – mainly because one of the girls said that she reported her for stealing one of her soda’s the rest mainly because of what I was told – Ms. Seven would ask for me but I wouldn’t go to her room; finally one day a girl needed help with her and I went in with her, I was told not to say anything to her because she had been telling wrong things on the colored girls, Once I walked into the room the look on Ms. Seven’s face when she saw me was such sheer delight and enjoyment – a look that I will never forget, she went to talking about how much she missed me and where had I been…but I didn’t say a word – which hurt me a little. Amidst the silence of us two girls, I assume Ms. Seven got to realizing that we weren’t going to talk to her and she became quiet; the delightful look she gave me when I entered the room had become a look of sadness and disappointment.

As I left the room and stood in the hall as the other girl was cleaning things up, I looked at Ms. Seven; the look she gave me was filled with such pain, hurt and confusion and the next thing I knew; the door was closing between us. She never asked nor spoke to me again. After a year, I left and found other employment – on my last day; I went by Ms. Seven’s room but didn’t go in, I bypassed the door and left that place behind that night to never think of it again.

I always wanted to tell Ms. Seven what I heard about her, how I felt about it or question her to ask if those things I heard was really true or not – I didn’t give her an opportunity to tell her side of the story; like so many others in that place, I too had shut down and just decided not to speak to her again; based on what someone else had told me. Sometimes in life we will be faced with obstacles like this one; Situations that come to our lap that someone may think or feel about someone else and at that time you will have to make a decision on whether you will continue to be who you are or allow someone else to determine who you should be and that day, I decided I would be whom someone wanted me to be which was “SILENT”

Many years later, I thought about Ms. Seven and began to look her up, only to find out that she had passed away a year after I had left. Sometimes I wonder how things would have been had I had talked with her that night; in a world where she felt like she didn’t have anyone – She felt like she had found a friend in me.  It shouldn’t have mattered what she had done or didn’t do in her past life, I should have been the light amongst those other girls – a light that she had originally seen in the beginning that became dimmed and blown out in the end.

In today’s society we’re so quick to judge people based on someone else’s thought and/or perceptions. God could have judged us based off of perception, but he didn’t – he sent his son anyway to die on our behalf; even though people still don’t like nor worship him today. He never judged us by how we would feel about him or what our past and current circumstance revealed about us but rather how so very much he loved and cared for us. LOVE made him do what he did; isn’t that AMAZING!?!

Don’t wait too late to get things right with people and don’t listen to what others have to say about an individual; get to know them for yourself. I didn’t comprehend this at the time but God is looking for Life Changers and not people whom are committed to being in the same boat with others of the same like minds and spirits; we already have too many of them running around.

Will you decide to be a LIFE CHANGER or create a LIFE CRISIS – Think about it.

I’ve been working in professional offices since I was 21yrs of age and I have to say, I’ve learned quite a bit about the working world, life, people and MYSELF! I wasn’t as polished as I am now when I first started out, I was as some would call very ROUGH around the edges; but I felt like I knew everything in the WORLD. You couldn’t tell me different – because I didn’t want to hear it…

I fought every one whom tried to tell me to do this or that better, I fought the ones whom seemed to find everything wrong with every “professional” letter I had written. So what if it said “We want to invite you” instead of “We would like to invite you” – who’s really reading that stuff anyway? I fought people when they felt I didn’t look professional enough, certain offices require you to wear certain attire, but you couldn’t have told me that. Anyone that went against what I wanted, what I created, what I said or how I felt was up for grabs by me to get a poked out lip, an “I quit, I don’t want to do this anymore” or every customer would suffer, because of my antics about what I “felt” should happen. And let’s not talk about job duties, I only did what I was hired to do and complained when asked to do even the slightest bit more; they don’t pay me enough, I thought…

After having quit many jobs and failing miserably at others, I had to come to grips one day and tell myself – What is it that you really want out of life? Bad attitudes and wanting things your way, don’t pay the bills or put gas in the car and food on the table. It was then that I realized that I had to pull it together or I would continue to fail at everything I called myself trying to accomplish; what I failed to see was THE BIG PICTURE! Of Life.

Once I shaped up and it took a while, I began to see things from a career perspective instead of my perspective; when I chose to look at things from a different angle it was then that my attitude changed toward the issues I was facing on my job at the time; what I didn’t realize is that the things that people and/or supervisors were asking me to do were minor to major things that I could improve on in my working career in which spilled over into how I dealt with issues concerning my own personal life.

When work became harder and I was asked to do things outside of my original job duties (because a lot of time we will be asked to do those things) I chalked it up as something extra I could put on my resume because now I have experience in doing that new thing. A lot of times we go through many things on our jobs that may not seem too good in the beginning but if we learn to look at the BIG PICTURE of it, the small things we have to endure now are the things that turn closed doors into open doors later.

In Exodus 2: 11-22 we learn of the story of Moses, Moses was put in a basket that drifted down the Nile River and onto the back door of an Egyptian Princess, in whom longed for a child. While Moses was not the true blood relative of royalty, they treated him as if he were – he grew up “rich” just like they were and they loved and favored him. And while Moses had learned the laws of the Egyptians; his heart bled Hebrew blood, once Moses’s true identity was revealed he was cast out of the Egyptian house; where he had been sheltered and thrown in the desert to die. But God had other plans for him – he later married, had a child and became a shepherd of sheep until one day God caught his attention through a burning bush that never burned up, it was then that his BIG PICTURE for all the trials he had went through were going to come together. Moses had experienced the good life and a mediocre life – Moses could not have very well lead the children of Israel out of Egypt had he still been among them in all his glory, what he learned during that time was good; but he had to learn how to lead, he still had more training, pruning and cultivating that needed to be done in his own life. Moses had to become a shepherd of sheep in order to become a shepherd of people and all the things he went through during that time period prepared him to do just that.

There are many things in your life right now that are going on that you may not necessarily agree with or think it’s fair (Trust me, I’ve Been there) – But I do believe that everything happens for a reason, it’s all a test for the next journey to take place in our life and how we succeed at it the first time will determine how we deal with it when it comes into our path again.

Every job that I’ve had was always a preparation for the next job, which was easier to handle because I had dealt with it at a previous job. Life is Trial and Error, we will make mistakes and many times throw in the towel promising not to ever do or deal with that issue again; but just know that God has you in that circle/space for such a time as this. You’re not going through that task for nothing – You’re going through it because up the road you’re going to have to know how to handle a greater situation like it.

In my early life, I would have never thought that I would one day be a supervisor – I definitely couldn’t have been one with the attitude I possessed in my early years; that would have been a train wreck and I would have been wrecking other people’s lives in the process. While , I’m not perfect as I’m still learning, pruning, cultivating, watering and processing everything daily, I will say this, I would not be where I am now had I not taken the time to look at the BIG PICTURE OF LIFE, It’s by the grace of God that I made it this far. What BIG PICTURE are you refusing to see in your life today?…Once you decide what it is, think about what things you can change in your life now, that will make the BIGGEST difference tomorrow, next week, next month or even a year from now.

Because everything that we do and go through at this very moment in time, has an even BIGGER PICTURE attached to it…

When a Judge says “Order in the Court” – it means that everything that is out of line has to come in line with one another, for instance if you’re talking – then you have to stop talking or walking, then you have to stop walking. That Judge wants everything that doesn’t seem right or happen to be going south to align and become arranged logically, comprehensibly and naturally.

Just like the Judge calls “Order” in their courts, God is calling for us to have “Order” in our lives – Most of us are living out of order – because we have failed to yield to these 4 words:

• PRAY
• LISTEN
• OBEY
• WAIT

When we don’t follow those words, we shift ourselves and our atmosphere out of line with the life that we so desperately want to live, the life that God had originally created and wanted us to have from the beginning of time. I was riding in my car one day when I began to realize how most of the things that I had prayed and asked God for – didn’t come to past. I began to wonder why this hadn’t happened and/or why that hasn’t happened; it was then that the Lord showed me how OUT OF ORDER my life really was.  There were some things going on in my world that I had went to God in prayer about, but hadn’t asked for his forgiveness for the part that I played in the situation; while I was focused on him fixing the issue, I failed to acknowledge that I was the real culprit behind why the issue or circumstance happened in the first place.

Even before and while we were in our mother’s womb God had already created the life that he wanted us to have (Jeremiah 1:5) just as he did for (Adam & Eve), but they forfeited that “good” life due to them not listening nor obeying the instructions of the Lord. When we fail to Pray, Listen, Obey and Wait we create the life “WE CHOOSE” & “FORFEIT” the life that God had originally created for us. One of my good family members and friend once told us a story of how he and his wife met (and I’m paraphrasing). But he stated that before he met his wife, In his prayer time with God, God had begun to deal with him about cleaning out his tub (yes, his bath tub); he thought that was pretty weird but at the same time – when he got out of the tub, he always left it dirty. So he began to take the Lords advice and clean out his tub. About a couple of weeks later he went into a check cashing place to get some assistance and seen this young lady whom caught his eye; to make a long story short he got her number and they began to talk; in talking with her she revealed a pet peeve of hers that she absolutely could not stand – She hated a dirty Tub!

So what am I trying to say, we can have a desire for something just like my friend had; his desire was to have a wife but before he could get her there were some things in his life that were out of order that he had to get corrected first. Just think if he had not listened and obeyed the voice of God – he probably would not have met his wife. This is how important ORDER is for our life, In order to obtain the riches that God has stored up for us, you have to lead a life of Order but we can’t receive them because most of us are living out of ORDER!

My Pastor told us a story last Sunday about a preacher whom had been praying that God give him a building to have for his church, all the while he was preaching at this church. My Pastor stated that God told him to tell the man that he was not called to be the Pastor of that church and showed him the man and woman whom were to be the leaders of that congregation – The Pastor grew angry and furious because he had a problem with letting that title and power go, he wrestled with what the Pastor told him (to make a long story short) The Pastor after talking with his wife started letting the other man take over as Pastor of that church and do you know when he Let Go and Let God! Two buildings opened up for him and his wife to walk into. Again, what am I trying to say; ORDER is Important.

When we align with the ORDER that God has created; things shift and move on our behalf. Things that you have been praying for, for 5yrs suddenly become available to you. Why? Because your life has been cleaned up and ORDER can now come in and take its rightful place.

Don’t get discouraged, for it’s not too late to have the life God created for you; but it comes at a price – you may have to give up somethings and let some people GO! Because they are not a part of God’s plan for your life.

Today, do an assessment of your life & Decide:

1. What’s out of Order?
2. Who’s still hanging around that should have been gone a while ago?
3. What are you holding on too, expecting it to change or resolve itself and it hasn’t.

When we totally let go of our way, then and only then will we be able to truly see God’s Way! – Seek the Lords face in prayer and whatever he ask of you to change and/or get rid of; DO IT! Let “Order” come full circle in your path today, because the life you so desperately seek and desire is waiting to be given to you.

We have to be careful about whom we allow ourselves to Idolize and/or worship. In life you have many people that “IDOLIZE” quite a few people, from celebrities to random people whom we feel have more money than us, more fame that us or even more fun than us, we think they’re in a good place and living the “so called” good life in which, they just seem to have it all. Some people have even idolized dead people.

The thing is this, why do we really Idolize a.k.a (make a god) out of someone whom can’t pay our bills, give us good sound advice that will push us forward in life or eventually cause us to go broke and insane.  I use to idolize Marilyn Monroe, I wanted every picture, movie or replica that represented her face – I idolized her because to me she was a beautiful woman and in a sense, I aspired to be just like her; then it dawned on me “Why was I idolizing someone that cut her life short”; someone whom under all that beauty and lovely blonde curls, had very low self-esteem and an even harder time coping with her beauty; under all that make-up – She was really sad, she had issues, Issues that no one could fix – Issues that lied to her and told her that she had nothing else to live for – Issues that eventually lead her to a very early grave –

“Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God. Exodus 20:5

I had to recant on whom I was allowing myself to Idolize, Yes – I have issues just like the next person don’t get me wrong, but we have to be careful of the people we idolize and put on our home or office walls and desk – I remember I had a picture of Idris Elba on my work shelf; I had it all dolled up in a beautiful frame, I was pretending he was my husband and wanted people to see it when they walked in. Isn’t he married? I asked myself; doesn’t he have a love interest? And besides, why pretend someone belongs to you when they really don’t. “Did God tell you he was your husband? NOT!! I immediately took him down off my shelf and threw the copied picture in the trash. Do you actually think if I really needed someone to talk too, I could call him up? LOL! Yeah right. So what I’m really saying is this, Unless that person has really stood for something that can and have changed mankind for the better, then why do we choose to idolize them?….

The only person I’m head over heels about is JESUS, because out of everyone else I called myself Idolizing, he’s the REAL DEAL; the man that has done more than enough for mankind, after-all who wouldn’t fall in LOVE with someone whom laid down their life for them and got back up with ALL power. That’s the person I want to be like, If I call JESUS – he answers every time and do you know what else is so special about my encounter with him?…..HE KNOWS WHO I AM! HE KNOWS MY NAME & MY DIGITS! Unlike Idris Elba, whom don’t have the first CLUE as to who I am nor that I’ve obsessed over him….lol.

It’s okay to like someone and think they’re cool – But when it comes down to sharing my personal space and/or my life with them; they really have to be worth it.