I can find out for myself…

talking-to-myself

When I was 20yrs old I took on a job working as a C.N.A, It took me 7 times to pass the test to take a “crash” course of two weeks. Once I began working the job, I quickly noticed the many patients at the time whom were either very ill, lonely, some were talkative and others were very rude and mean. Once an adult and twice a child – that’s what my mom would always say and I never really understood what that truly meant until I started working in that environment. As the months drove by and I began to get to know the patients more and more, I began to think how lonely some of them were – no family visits, no friends or other relatives to come and see them; some were put there by relatives whom never came to see them again and for some that anticipated visit hadn’t happened in over 10-20 years. The stories most of them would tell you would be of happy times, while others were painful and you always knew when those times were; because they would become combative, dazed or simply just shut-down altogether.

There was this one lady in particular whom I loved talking too, Ms. Seven (I called her that because she always had seven soda’s in her refrigerator – seven was really all that could fit in there; she was just as sweet as she wanted to be, very manner-able and always asked me if I wanted a soda pop when I entered her room; she was one of my easy patients because she had great mobility and could help you some that was a fairly difficult issue with others. I quickly noticed that the other girls didn’t want to work with her; they sited her as difficult and said mean things about her; but she wasn’t that way with me.

One day as I started my shift, I had to work a hall with a partner – this wasn’t unusual as most of us worked double shifts at times in which would afford you to work any hall you wanted once your regular shift started, I had an easy hall that day and so she offered to work with me. She had been there for quite some time and began to tell me about the history of the patients there, most I knew of as I had heard other girls talk about it; but when she started talking about Ms. Seven – I felt uncomfortable because I couldn’t believe the woman that I looked forward to seeing everyday did such horrible things – “She hate Blacks” the girl told me – She got several of us fired; she served on the KKK back in the day, she was one of the women whom helped hurt African-Americans – she went on to say that Ms. Seven was a social worker whom threw applications that belonged to a colored families away, she would shred them and tell them their application was denied while she fared Caucasians and gave them a free pass.

I didn’t know why she decided to tell me this, but I immediately began to think about Ms. Seven and how she cried a many days because of the way she said her family treated her and how the people that took care of her treated her; she complained because when she needed someone the most, no one was there for her – the only thing they ever brought her was a case of soda’s in which she would ask me to put 7 in the fridge, I later came to realize that the 7 represented her family members in whom she loved so dearly, A family that didn’t seem to care enough to love her back – She was so frail, small and weak – her hair was very thin to the point you could see her scalp, her legs were twisted; so much so she couldn’t get up to walk, she was confined in a bed at all times – the pain she would be in if you touched her and the screams she let out when you bathed her was unimaginable.

It wasn’t long after that I began to ask other girls to do Ms. Seven’s room; to take care of her and when I would work a double shift, I never asked to get that hall again – mainly because one of the girls said that she reported her for stealing one of her soda’s the rest mainly because of what I was told – Ms. Seven would ask for me but I wouldn’t go to her room; finally one day a girl needed help with her and I went in with her, I was told not to say anything to her because she had been telling wrong things on the colored girls, Once I walked into the room the look on Ms. Seven’s face when she saw me was such sheer delight and enjoyment – a look that I will never forget, she went to talking about how much she missed me and where had I been…but I didn’t say a word – which hurt me a little. Amidst the silence of us two girls, I assume Ms. Seven got to realizing that we weren’t going to talk to her and she became quiet; the delightful look she gave me when I entered the room had become a look of sadness and disappointment.

As I left the room and stood in the hall as the other girl was cleaning things up, I looked at Ms. Seven; the look she gave me was filled with such pain, hurt and confusion and the next thing I knew; the door was closing between us. She never asked nor spoke to me again. After a year, I left and found other employment – on my last day; I went by Ms. Seven’s room but didn’t go in, I bypassed the door and left that place behind that night to never think of it again.

I always wanted to tell Ms. Seven what I heard about her, how I felt about it or question her to ask if those things I heard was really true or not – I didn’t give her an opportunity to tell her side of the story; like so many others in that place, I too had shut down and just decided not to speak to her again; based on what someone else had told me. Sometimes in life we will be faced with obstacles like this one; Situations that come to our lap that someone may think or feel about someone else and at that time you will have to make a decision on whether you will continue to be who you are or allow someone else to determine who you should be and that day, I decided I would be whom someone wanted me to be which was “SILENT”

Many years later, I thought about Ms. Seven and began to look her up, only to find out that she had passed away a year after I had left. Sometimes I wonder how things would have been had I had talked with her that night; in a world where she felt like she didn’t have anyone – She felt like she had found a friend in me.  It shouldn’t have mattered what she had done or didn’t do in her past life, I should have been the light amongst those other girls – a light that she had originally seen in the beginning that became dimmed and blown out in the end.

In today’s society we’re so quick to judge people based on someone else’s thought and/or perceptions. God could have judged us based off of perception, but he didn’t – he sent his son anyway to die on our behalf; even though people still don’t like nor worship him today. He never judged us by how we would feel about him or what our past and current circumstance revealed about us but rather how so very much he loved and cared for us. LOVE made him do what he did; isn’t that AMAZING!?!

Don’t wait too late to get things right with people and don’t listen to what others have to say about an individual; get to know them for yourself. I didn’t comprehend this at the time but God is looking for Life Changers and not people whom are committed to being in the same boat with others of the same like minds and spirits; we already have too many of them running around.

Will you decide to be a LIFE CHANGER or create a LIFE CRISIS – Think about it.

do-not-judge-my-story

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4 thoughts on “I can find out for myself…

    1. So true, that’s why it’s important to find out things for ourselves – I had a refresher course of this last week. We have to be the light in every situation, despite what others may think; believe or say. Thanks for reading Daddy!

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  1. I’m really glad that I read your story. Because I’m starting my new job Monday working with people with Mental disabilities. And I know when you start a new job everyone has there Opinion about others. So Monday when I go in that place after reading your story i’m going in their with a opening mind, and fresh mind. Because I want to be that life changer. Thanks for sharing your Story.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Miss C
      To God be the Glory! If I could go back I would do things so differently, when we allow people to put their thoughts and emotions on us, we’re actually taking on their spirit and that’s not how God wants us to be – So glad you’re going to be a Life Changer; speak, talk & walk Life in your new job…I promise you’ll see a major difference. It will cause people not to speak to you or hang with you but that’s okay because God didn’t make you to follow the crowd; he created you to be different. Much Love & I’ll be praying for you.

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