For as long as I can remember, I always wanted my own home – I could remember being a little girl daydreaming and cutting out pictures of what I wanted my home to look like, I wanted a big house with a lot of windows. As I got older and was able to do a little research I immediately came to the realization that I did not want to start off with an apartment because to me that was a waste of money, but I wanted something that I could invest in, something that would build equity, something that when I had children; we would begin to create fond memories and then when they grew up maybe themselves and/or their children and their children’s children would be able to keep the house in the family. That house would be their foundation to remember memories of times past and build their own memories for years to come and this process would all start with me.

Well that dream became a reality when I turned 23 years old. Years of daydreaming along with months of seeking God, fasting and paying my tithes had payed off. Months before the big move, I had created a stockpile of items at my mom’s house; I did read that owning a home would not be easy as you had to take care of a lot of things yourself, like mowing the lawn – plumbing issues if there was one and so much more. So I wanted to make sure that I was good on toiletries, and other necessities that could get me by for quite a while without having to spend so much money. This home I had purchased was so beautiful it was a two bedroom – one bathroom little bungalow; it felt like home when I walked through the door, there was a bricked fence going around a very large backyard, it also came with its own storage building; the couple that stayed there, the wife was an interior decorator so the paint colors and how she had everything laid out was spectacular, along with high ceilings and a sun room; separate dining room, a big living room. The bathroom had his and her sinks and was big enough for a family of four to live out of it, it had a whirlpool tub in which 5 people could have easily swam in.

The house was my home and I loved it. When I went to look at the home, I took my mom with me – I wanted her to share in on my experience as I wanted to make her proud. She too had just received her first home when I was in the 12th grade so excitement filled the air for both of us. While we were under the car port basking in joy, the realtor looked at me and said “If you really want this house, you should get your mom to pray; she looks like a praying woman” I wanted the house so bad until If a puppy could have gotten a prayer through – I would have begged him to pray for me.

My mom, a highly spiritual and anointed woman turned to me and said these words “God said he was going to give you the house…. (YES LORD!! I thought), but he said he was not going to tolerate your sin… (WHOA, STOP THE PRESS – HUH???)….Oh Boy, I was in trouble (yes, I had been praying and so forth, but you know how you have one foot in the church and one foot out of the church) I was totally there, I was the type of person that loved God dearly, truly even; but my love for him was based on me having a clear mind – with no distractions in tow, my love for him was also based on “if I was not loving someone else” at the time and for the past couple of months I was okay as my mind was clear because I had a focus on what I wanted. (Nothing but the truth folks)

So when mama said that, I was hesitant to ask her to really pray for me, but I wanted the house so bad. I told her Mama, God won’t have any problems out of me; I humbly said YES PRAY!…..Well, after I completed the mounds of paperwork and received my key, I proceeded to move all of my stock pile compiled at mama’s house into my own. For a good two months it was just me and JESUS, then one day out of the blue an ex-boyfriend showed up at my door step and the rest…….HISTORY! He eventually moved in and my humble house of abode began to look, smell and feel different. I had let all types of things into my home when I allowed him to come into the back door, The good job that I had at the time was going down the drain; I was feeling myself and felt like it was either going to be me or the poor attorney that they had hired for me to work for, I had been at odds with him for months, so one day I got fed up with him, the office and everyone else – I packed my things and walked out…….I had been telling people that I got laid off – but in reality I had made some poor decisions that lead to very bad judgments that eventually got me fired, they wanted me to come back as long as I apologized for my actions, but I was too bull headed to go back…..PRIDE is a silent killer. I had just gotten my home 4 months prior and because I could not find a decent job and refused to work in fast food, lost my beautiful home to foreclosure.

How many times does God bless us with the things that we so desire and want only to ditch him when we have received what we wanted, YES; we may ask God for a new car and send up many prayers to him which Intel what we would do when you receive it, how we would keep it clean, take care of it and maybe even if he will bless us with it, we will go to church; and God being so merciful will bless you to get the car, only for us to make good on that promise for a month and shut him out. The things that God blesses us with, we in turn can turn around and curse him with it.

God says in his word, that if you delight yourself also in the Lord, He shall give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4 – Please take note the underlined text, you have to continually delight yourself in God before, during and after the blessing. I had a friend to tell me one day that we treat God as if he was a friend with benefits a.k.a (FWB), A friend with benefits is a “friend” that can provide you the “benefit” of what comes along with a relationship, but there is no love involved. That is the way we treat God when he Blesses us and we ditch him, what we’re telling him is “Well Lord, you know we cool right; I really don’t want a relationship with you at this point, I know one day I will get there and if something happens within that time frame where I feel like I may want you more than what I want of you now, then I will revisit our relationship status but for right now, I just want your blessings…..if you can keep those coming on a regular basis, we’re good; no love lost.

I can’t tell you how many times I have actually ditched God, I have ditched him for relationships I felt that were more prominent than his, I have ditched him when he gave me what I wanted; I have picked him up and put him down so many times in my life until it’s a wonder he still wants to actually have anything to do with me. But God does not love us for where we are, he sees who we are to become and yes, right now he may get ditched; but there is going to come a time where if you listen and follow his directions closely, he knows you will love him right back.

To this day, I still think about the house that I lost; I sometimes feel consumed with the should ‘a, could ‘a, would ‘a’s of life. But most of all I think about how I treated God during that time, someone so loving, so good and so merciful to me to bless me with something so beautiful and I just let it slip through my hands, which was my relationship with him and the house he so honorably allowed me to have. If you have ditched God, just know that he is forgiving and a God of second chances and many more in some cases.

I would love to have a home again…and while I was foolish and ungrateful the first time around, this time I have the right mindset toward God to not serve him until I get what I want and ditch him, but my relationship is that of true admiration and LOVE in which he now receives the praise through every blessing he sees fit to bless me with from beginning to end.

leaving God


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