There’s No Hurt, Like Church Hurt…

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This is a topic that I believe whether you’re a “firm” believer or “not” you can either relate too or know someone that has experienced “CHURCH HURT” – which happens to be the worst hurt you will ever feel probably in your entire existence here on earth, Why? Because we expect “church” people to be different from the world; we expect them to be loyal and nice. When our families turn their back’s on us – we expect the church people to step in and become that true family that we never had…but most of the times what we find out is that they are much more worse than our family; it is at that point where we find ourselves caught in the middle of which side to really trust.

If you took a poll today on why people do not attend church – about 95% of the survey will reveal that most of them were hurt in the church; some have been hurt so bad until they refuse to go back to their church, they begin to ward off every christian and the possibility of attending or joining other churches in the process. This is the reason T.V. evangelism has become so popular as most feel comfortable with just staying home and visiting the T.V.; listening to the latest ministry Church-hurt-happenscraze. The world is made up of imperfect people and sad to say or contrary to popular belief, those same “imperfect” people reside within the church too.

The most common mistake people make when they either join, enter or become friends with people in church (especially if those people hold and office or have the title of a Bishop, Pastor, Evangelist and etc) we immediately begin to put them on a pedestal; we begin to praise them for every right and nail them to the cross for every wrong, we make them perfect in our minds and put them up in the ranks where only God is suppose to sit; we look up to them, we aspire to be like them, talk like them, act like them , walk like them – we initially exchange God for them because we can see and feel them. We might even began to believe that maybe God has given them to us in exchange for him; until he returns. But as soon as they do something we don’t like, they act in a way in which we know they shouldn’t act, they lie to us or live outside of what our perfect mind of them says they should live like – Then that’s where church hurt begins.

I’ve had friends and family whom experienced church hurt, I’ve experienced a great deal of it myself and I have to say, it doesn’t feel good. We think because people are in church that they’re suppose to act a certain way – Be nice, kind, comforting, cordial, friendly, helpful, guide and lead by Godly example and endure trials with a smile and a pep in their step; what we find is that they’re rude, obnoxious, self-seekers, liars, deceivers, gossipers, kick you while you’re down, ungrateful, backstabbing, judging cheaters – WOW! not the type of words you’d expect to be said about “church people” – But they’re IMPERFECT, just as we all are. The bible tells us to be PERFECT as Christ is Perfect, it didn’t say these individuals we look up too would be PERFECTED! as none of us will be completely that until Jesus returns –  whether it’s a Pastor/Bishop or lay-member we’re all striving to live out perfection everyday including your “favorite” ministers.

One thing you must remember, when we stand before God on judgment day we “ALL” have to give an account of our own individual sins, issues, hurts, habits and hang-ups this includes you and the people that caused the hurt. On that day – a person’s churchly title will not  matter as we all will be standing before the True Perfect King and give an account for what we’ve all done and said…Good or Bad.

Over coming church hurt or a church’s negativity doesn’t happen overnight, you can’t keep yourself away from the church with the promise to return after everyone has repented, apologized or come to grips that they’re the one’s causing the hurt and pain – that’s not going to happen. You have to make a decision on whom you are truly serving – The People or God; If it’s God, then let him deal with people and let him work on you.

A Few Main Tips to Avoid Church Hurt ~

  • Listen more than you Talk – Every church is made up of cliques and they’re not all Godly, for most times they are the one’s keeping up the most static. In listening you learn people’s ways and motives; some are noticed right away while others have mastered what-to-do-when-you-feel-Hurt-by-the-1hiding their true character. Pray and Ask God to lead you to whom you should talk too.
  • Focus on YOU! – You can’t help what other people are doing and not doing; God has gifted you and you can’t waste that gift on putting your attention on negativity or other peoples issues. Let God perfect your gift, use it to the best of your ability and soon, God will move you if the environment you’re in is not right. God may have you in that space to teach you or work something out of you, If you can work through the negative; God will honor that and move you where you truly need to be.church hurt quote
  • Don’t Stop Going – You might not want too, but you must stay in church because if you go elsewhere you will be encountered by the same people that you left; in which are guaranteed to be at the next church – TRUST ME – it may be a different church with different people but the negative spirit will remain the same. Let God move you, Not People..

We’re all imperfect trying to live out perfection before a PERFECT King, I don’t know what church hurt you might have experienced in the past or may be going through right now, but just know this and it might be a struggle right now, depending on how deeply embedded your hurt is – Ask God to re-direct your FOCUS off of them and onto HIM! Begin to focus on your talents and gifting’s and work in that until GOD tells you to move. We are not equipped to put anyone in heaven or  hell – Only God can do that, In the meantime Love them, Pray for them and let God do his job in healing you completely.

Will the Real Christian stand up Please?, If it’s not in them, Let it be shown in YOU!

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I can find out for myself…

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When I was 20yrs old I took on a job working as a C.N.A, It took me 7 times to pass the test to take a “crash” course of two weeks. Once I began working the job, I quickly noticed the many patients at the time whom were either very ill, lonely, some were talkative and others were very rude and mean. Once an adult and twice a child – that’s what my mom would always say and I never really understood what that truly meant until I started working in that environment. As the months drove by and I began to get to know the patients more and more, I began to think how lonely some of them were – no family visits, no friends or other relatives to come and see them; some were put there by relatives whom never came to see them again and for some that anticipated visit hadn’t happened in over 10-20 years. The stories most of them would tell you would be of happy times, while others were painful and you always knew when those times were; because they would become combative, dazed or simply just shut-down altogether.

There was this one lady in particular whom I loved talking too, Ms. Seven (I called her that because she always had seven soda’s in her refrigerator – seven was really all that could fit in there; she was just as sweet as she wanted to be, very manner-able and always asked me if I wanted a soda pop when I entered her room; she was one of my easy patients because she had great mobility and could help you some that was a fairly difficult issue with others. I quickly noticed that the other girls didn’t want to work with her; they sited her as difficult and said mean things about her; but she wasn’t that way with me.

One day as I started my shift, I had to work a hall with a partner – this wasn’t unusual as most of us worked double shifts at times in which would afford you to work any hall you wanted once your regular shift started, I had an easy hall that day and so she offered to work with me. She had been there for quite some time and began to tell me about the history of the patients there, most I knew of as I had heard other girls talk about it; but when she started talking about Ms. Seven – I felt uncomfortable because I couldn’t believe the woman that I looked forward to seeing everyday did such horrible things – “She hate Blacks” the girl told me – She got several of us fired; she served on the KKK back in the day, she was one of the women whom helped hurt African-Americans – she went on to say that Ms. Seven was a social worker whom threw applications that belonged to a colored families away, she would shred them and tell them their application was denied while she fared Caucasians and gave them a free pass.

I didn’t know why she decided to tell me this, but I immediately began to think about Ms. Seven and how she cried a many days because of the way she said her family treated her and how the people that took care of her treated her; she complained because when she needed someone the most, no one was there for her – the only thing they ever brought her was a case of soda’s in which she would ask me to put 7 in the fridge, I later came to realize that the 7 represented her family members in whom she loved so dearly, A family that didn’t seem to care enough to love her back – She was so frail, small and weak – her hair was very thin to the point you could see her scalp, her legs were twisted; so much so she couldn’t get up to walk, she was confined in a bed at all times – the pain she would be in if you touched her and the screams she let out when you bathed her was unimaginable.

It wasn’t long after that I began to ask other girls to do Ms. Seven’s room; to take care of her and when I would work a double shift, I never asked to get that hall again – mainly because one of the girls said that she reported her for stealing one of her soda’s the rest mainly because of what I was told – Ms. Seven would ask for me but I wouldn’t go to her room; finally one day a girl needed help with her and I went in with her, I was told not to say anything to her because she had been telling wrong things on the colored girls, Once I walked into the room the look on Ms. Seven’s face when she saw me was such sheer delight and enjoyment – a look that I will never forget, she went to talking about how much she missed me and where had I been…but I didn’t say a word – which hurt me a little. Amidst the silence of us two girls, I assume Ms. Seven got to realizing that we weren’t going to talk to her and she became quiet; the delightful look she gave me when I entered the room had become a look of sadness and disappointment.

As I left the room and stood in the hall as the other girl was cleaning things up, I looked at Ms. Seven; the look she gave me was filled with such pain, hurt and confusion and the next thing I knew; the door was closing between us. She never asked nor spoke to me again. After a year, I left and found other employment – on my last day; I went by Ms. Seven’s room but didn’t go in, I bypassed the door and left that place behind that night to never think of it again.

I always wanted to tell Ms. Seven what I heard about her, how I felt about it or question her to ask if those things I heard was really true or not – I didn’t give her an opportunity to tell her side of the story; like so many others in that place, I too had shut down and just decided not to speak to her again; based on what someone else had told me. Sometimes in life we will be faced with obstacles like this one; Situations that come to our lap that someone may think or feel about someone else and at that time you will have to make a decision on whether you will continue to be who you are or allow someone else to determine who you should be and that day, I decided I would be whom someone wanted me to be which was “SILENT”

Many years later, I thought about Ms. Seven and began to look her up, only to find out that she had passed away a year after I had left. Sometimes I wonder how things would have been had I had talked with her that night; in a world where she felt like she didn’t have anyone – She felt like she had found a friend in me.  It shouldn’t have mattered what she had done or didn’t do in her past life, I should have been the light amongst those other girls – a light that she had originally seen in the beginning that became dimmed and blown out in the end.

In today’s society we’re so quick to judge people based on someone else’s thought and/or perceptions. God could have judged us based off of perception, but he didn’t – he sent his son anyway to die on our behalf; even though people still don’t like nor worship him today. He never judged us by how we would feel about him or what our past and current circumstance revealed about us but rather how so very much he loved and cared for us. LOVE made him do what he did; isn’t that AMAZING!?!

Don’t wait too late to get things right with people and don’t listen to what others have to say about an individual; get to know them for yourself. I didn’t comprehend this at the time but God is looking for Life Changers and not people whom are committed to being in the same boat with others of the same like minds and spirits; we already have too many of them running around.

Will you decide to be a LIFE CHANGER or create a LIFE CRISIS – Think about it.

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