The Ugly Duckling Experience…

This post is for our sons, daughters, nieces & nephews whom may be experiencing problems with self-image & suicide, this post is also for every grown man and woman who are still experiencing the pain of self-image past childhood….this post is for all races, creeds and nationalities; for suicide, acceptance and self-image issues, see’s not these characteristics and play a very vital and important part in everyone’s life now and/or at one time or another…

Please pass this on to others whom you think might need some encouragement in this area…We’ve all been here, We’ve all experienced it, How do we help others dealing with it..



I was raised by a single mom, she had me when she was just entering the 10th grade – she herself was not raised in the most loving home; she was considered the black sheep of the family, for she was conceived by a married man; a man in which my mom would never get to know because his wife didn’t know that he had cheated on her with my grandmother. A man who raised his other children so they had daddy around, they knew him and experienced his presence, my mom on the other hand was left in the cold alone with no visible person to call dad, because she was now considered not only a bastard child, but a child whom had to suffer not having a dad around all because of the sins her mother created in secret. He was a man whom made many promises to her over the years and never kept them, a man whom she had to see behind closed doors because no one couldn’t know that she was his biological child, a man whom couldn’t tell her he loved her, even on his death bed – he went to his death with a secret that my mom had to forever pay for, for the duration of her entire life.

Love was all she ever wanted, her mother ended up putting her out on the streets when she was 12yrs old because her step father molested and raped her…she was then asked to go, for her mother chose her husband over her, she was given a bus ticket and sent on her way…to live elsewhere. Life wasn’t easy and living with others was not easy either, she eventually was shuffled around and around again to this family and that family…until she got to someone that would let her in. My Aunt Sally was a good woman – she had one child, a son…no girls to call her own. My mom stayed with her, she kept me while mama went to school, I stayed with her until I was two years old which is when my mama graduated high school. I didn’t know my dad and mama didn’t talk of him much, she just said that he was her first and that while she was pregnant with me, he also had another girl pregnant too…Wow, he sure got around.

I felt as if I grew up with no identity, I didn’t know who I was – I didn’t know my dad’s family and had never met them, so it was hard to compare characteristics of who I looked like, talked like, acted like – who’s eyes did I have, who’s nose did I inherit, who’s feet – legs – mouth and hands did I have. Why was my hair so nappy, I couldn’t get a comb through it if I tried. Why was I so soft spoken and temperamental, why, why, why, why was all I ever wondered. I was not the prettiest girl, my hair was short, my feet were long, my nose was wide, my ears were small, I was not of light complexion but rather dark, my legs were scrawny, I was bow-legged and my teeth were bucked. I didn’t like who I was at all, I was made fun of at school on many occasions for all sorts of reasons – most of them were for the things I just named. I was made fun of even the more when my mom had to cut my hair off due to a bad perm and I had to wear it in a boy’s cut all while attending school, that was treacherous for me during that time; leaving school running home every day because I was bullied, I had rocks thrown at me and was even attacked by two boys from my class, I couldn’t leave school – I had to return to face the bullies the following day.

Many times I would think to myself if I would just die, I would pray and wish that the Lord wouldn’t wake me up in the morning – just let me die………I wanted to die right away, as the torture I felt followed me all the way to high school, I tried to fit in, I wanted to look like the prettiest girl in school and/or be as cool and looked upon like them. Boys thought I was weird and girls, because I was weak – seen me as just that and picked fights with me after school because they knew they would win.

Weeping may endure for a night but Joy comes in the morning…your morning may be the next day, it might be the next week or a year or two from now – but if I had given up and gave into the pressure, I would not be writing this post today. You see my friend; what I shared with you were the beginnings and hard times of my life and while there are many, many more, this is just a glimpse of my Ugly Duckling Experiences….

You might were born looking one way, but just as it was with the Ugly Duckling things do and will change. You see the ugly duckling was so ugly; some didn’t think he deserved a proper name and therefore called him Ugly, but his mother despite his differences, loved him anyway. You see we all come from different beginnings but it’s not your beginning that determines your outcome (for it can change) – But it’s what your ending will become which will be determined how you handle your beginning. Don’t give up on life, you have so much to live for and God has so much in store for you. I’m living proof that it will and it shall get better. The enemy wants you to do away with yourself because he doesn’t want you to live up to the full potential that God has placed in you, but I challenge you today to become and advocate instead of a victim to suicide’s or self-images list. You have a dream that’s filled with so many promises ahead of you.

My transformation came when I took notice to a young lady in my 10th grade drama class, to some she did not look like a model, she did not dress like a model, she wore braces and wore her hair in many different styles that I would not even have attempted to wear and even though she got talked about and shunned, she still was herself and she let no one determine whom she was going to become. I was afraid of who I was, I was afraid of my own identity…but she changed that. God allowed me to view her because in viewing her he began to show me myself. I always noticed that people said I had a beautiful smile, so I worked with that first and began to smile, no matter what. I still had a long way to go to fully come into the person that God has allowed me to become today, but that was the first start in me recognizing that I really did have something special about me, something so simple as – my smile, changed my life.

So you have a choice and no excuses – Why?

  • Because you say nobody loves you        —–      But God loves all & cares for all. Even You!
  • You say you will never get over this        —–      But time brings about change as well as healing.
  • You say, nobody understands your pain —–      But God understands your pain for his son was killed by people whom did not understand him, by people who mocked him, by people who hated him, was disgusted with him, misused him, abused him, lied on him and sought to do him no good and even though his son died, the great news is HE ROSE! And just as he had strength to rise from the grave that “people” put him in, he lead a perfect example of what the true strength of “rising from adversity” is truly all about. If he did it, SO CAN YOU! He proved that you can live through pain and suffering, shame and defeat and still rise up to live through it all.

I don’t know what road you are on right now, I don’t know what you may be going through, I don’t know which end of the rope you are holding on too; but I know this, God is Able – He did it for me, I’m still living today and yes, I’ve attempted quite a few suicide attempts – you see I had reached a place in my life to where I felt like I made some very bad decisions that were unforgivable and I honestly thought that by ending my life that would make things better, that I wouldn’t feel any more pain but that would have been a terrible mistake for God has got me in a place now in my life to share my story, I’m a firm believer that all of our life’s trials and tribulations are just a testimony of survival for someone else whom feel like they are on the edge of life.

The Ugly Duckling triumphed in the end, when he came out of the dark shadows after being away for quite some time, he came out of the shadows and seen that he had been transformed into something so beautiful, so lovely, so bright – he finally got a chance to fly with the swans as he had always wanted to do for now he too was one of those beautiful swans, if not even more beautiful – his life changed right before his eyes, if you give it a chance; your life too will change and your situation will get better….I promise, just trust God.

The world’s viewpoint of UGLY is something grotesque, disgusting, sickening and any negative word you can think of, but to God his view of U.G.L.Y for you is this:

Uniquely made…

Gorgeous, Genuine, Glorious, Graceful, Good

Looking, Lovely


You have more to offer than you can only imagine. The only thing you have to do is LIVE.


 Ugly Duck Quote



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