Giving myself AWAY!

giving me away

Growing up, I never had the opportunity to have my “real” dad around – instead I grew up with a couple of step-dads, I always wanted to know what my real dad looked like, smelled like, how tall was he, what was his personality like, did I look like him any? I heard stories of how tall he was but I never got an opportunity to meet him until I was 10 – Would all my questions, concerns and thoughts of him be like I imagined? Because I didn’t have a father figure around, not even a great role model to call dad….I grew up not being the daddy’s girl, like I longed to be – but instead I grew up giving myself away.

Giving myself away was not by choice, it was by self-hate of who I was, what I had become and with no knowledge of to whom I belonged too….I gave myself away by becoming friends with people whom used me, I gave myself away by settling for second; when I could have easily took first place. I gave myself away by settling for relationships that in the end drained, stripped, raped and took over my total existence. I gave myself away because I at the time thought that, that would feel the void of “Daddy” not being around – Some things were taken away from me through molestation (in which I had not choice of giving myself away but the non-choice of being stripped of something that I didn’t get an opportunity to share with a husband) I remembered thinking; is this what life has to offer? Is this my duty? Is this right? Wasn’t my mom enough?

As I had gotten older, I ended up giving so much away until, I had nothing left to give – everyone and everything had taken all I had and left me LIFELESS!! (mind, body, spirit & soul)…..

In life we are faced with many challenges, most of which started in childhood and spilled over to our adulthood – We are functioning as Adults because that’s what our physical body and age state we are, but mentally we are still longing to go back and be that innocent child that got stripped of everything…..Maybe if our childhood was okay, we probably could function better as Adults – so while we are trying to get ourselves straightened out over the devastation of childhood; we end having children of our own while in the midst of our own crisis & the cycle is repeated now on them..

Trust me – My childhood was no crystal stair itself but a choice had to be made, either I could have taken my childhood and allowed it to play out it’s roller coaster scenarios and scenes throughout my whole life wearing the tag of “ABUSE” or I could stop what’s been done by changing my thoughts and actions toward the past, You see we cannot change the PAST because that’s what it generally is “THE PAST” we can’t go back and make things right because what has happened, has happened and we, no matter how bad we may feel or regret the circumstances of the PAST do not have control over it. How you live your life now in the PRESENT will determine the outcome for your FUTURE!

You have to make a CHANGE! Michael Jackson has a song called “Man in the Mirror” it’s one of my favorite songs and it says I’m going to make a change for once in my life, it’s gonna feel real good, it’s gonna make a difference, gonna make it right….As hard as it may seem, We are the Man in the Mirror – we have to ask that Man/Woman to change their ways, their way of thinking, shift their focus and make lemonade out of the lemons that were dealt to them. I’m not saying that it’s easy, because it’s not – Trust Me – But if God can bless me to do it, he being the God of no respecter of persons, can bless you to do it too.

It Starts with You and It Ends with You……………….What difference are you going to make, What Change are you going to start from this day forward……We can hold grudges, we cannot forgive those whom wronged us and feel as if we are hurting them, but it’s really disabling you –

The bible says “Forget those things which are behind, and reach forth unto those things which are before” (Phil 3:13) – Those things behind us are just what they are BEHIND, no one ever accomplished anything looking back, look at Lot’s wife when they were leaving the city of Sodom and Gomorrah – God had destroyed that city due to the lack of sin that was committed, He spared Lot and his wife but told the both of them to leave and to “NOT LOOK BACK” Lot’s wife disobeyed the command, looked back and was turned into a pillar of talk (Gen 19:26)

So you see, Looking back does not aid in good results…

What have you given away or what has been taken from you? You may not be able to get it back, but you can choose to move forward from the past and look at the days ahead of you; It might not have been easy but God took you though what you went through for that TEST to become your TESTIMONY because as long as you have Life, Breath and Strength that’s an opportunity to turn all wrongs into right an opportunity no matter your circumstance to start over again.





Thank you for leaving a comment, I'll respond as soon as I can.

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.