THE BACKWARDS GAME….

backwards

When my daughter was an infant, I found myself going through a terrible separation and later divorce from my husband at the time, I had traveled to NC to be with my mom and dad; while here I found myself to be in many up and down moments, the enemy was fighting daily because my baby was a preemie and really needed to be around a doctors care, she had just been taken off a breathing machine like two weeks prior to my departure, I struggled with the fact of taking care of her away from a two parent household and finding a job to support us. The only thing I knew and was sure of what the fact that I had to get out of the situation that I was in and no matter the insecurities, I knew I had to indeed trust God to take care of the both of us in the process.

A month swiftly moved by and I had began to apply for services for my daughter and I, God blessed me to find her a doctor and come to find out, there was a developmental place right up the road from my parents house, they had not too long opened up and accepted my daughter into their program so she could finish developing – To God be the Glory for that….but I was being plagued by another situation – MY THINGS!! I had so many extremely nice things and worked really hard to have a nice house – if only I could’ve brought “ALL” my stuff with me…is what I constantly said to myself; because it’s hard starting over when you have accumulated so much material goods. I began to think about my things, day and night – I became frustrated and began to doubt God and question my mental health. How are we supposed to live now, here I was stuck at my parents house with a sick baby, no job and living off of her social security check monthly which was cut short from 588.00 a month to 383.00 a month – What seemed like a good escape from turmoil was beginning to feel like a ship sinking very fast – did I make the right decision?…..No matter how much the enemy came to me, I held up my head and travailed through…..But…..I still wanted MY THINGS!

If I could have had the whole house sent to me by FED-EX; I would have been excited!! A couple of months went by and  after trying to come to some type of reconciliation with my husband (that didn’t work) I asked could I come back and retrieve the rest of my things; So, I booked a flight with baby in tow and went back to where we were living, I was so excited to be traveling back; I took a very big suitcase with me (as a matter of fact, I took several) the first thing I was concerned about was getting all of my “nice” things and cramming them into these huge suitcases and bring them back with me. Once I arrived at the place of where he was residing, The BIG! Kool-Aid smile I had plastered on my face was immediately wiped off when I walked into the house and viewed my belongings. MY NICE THINGS, didn’t look like my things anymore, I went to touch a picture that I had paid good money for and the feeling that I got from that picture let me know that, I didn’t need to take it. I went to get jewelry, shoes and other things and received the same “cold and lifeless” feeling. What was happening?? I thought to myself – Finally God spoke to me and told me whatever was left there, leave it there and to not take anything, I became devastated, disappointed and angry – Did God really want me to leave everything behind????…

Thinking of this brings to mind the story of of Achan (Joshua 7:1-12, 19-26) When the children of Israel, led by Joshua, crossed over the Jordan River, there were thousands of them. They lived together as families, as we do, but each family lived in a tent instead of a house. All the families of one tribe camped together. When they marched, they rolled up their tents and carried them. When they stopped for the night they put up their tents. God had commanded them to destroy the entire city because it was so sinful. God had told Joshua, and Joshua had told the people just what they were to do. The Lord told Joshua that when the Israelite’s conquered Jericho they were to burn everything in the city that belonged to the people of Jericho except the silver, gold, brass, and iron. These they were to bring to the House of the Lord. Joshua had carefully instructed his soldiers, and every man knew that these were the orders. Achan was a soldier who disobeyed the orders and hid a beautiful garment, and some silver and gold in his tent. Achan felt sure no one else would find out about this.

achan2Afterwards, when the Israelite’s went to war, every battle they had won previously, were lost battles in which they lost soldiers, Joshua didn’t understand why things were so bad for them because he had a close relationship with God and did as he was instructed, but there was sin in the camp; soon the Lord revealed that sin and exposed Achan, because of his sin and disobedience, he was not only destroyed but everything that belonged to him – his children, wife, oxen, belongings – everything was destroyed all because someone chose to not only go backwards but dismiss the voice of God.

So needless to say, I finally obeyed the voice of the Lord; it wasn’t easy because I still wanted to take just one pair of earrings and almost did; but when God says “Leave it alone” you better let it go….the only success that have been proved in going backwards is helping someone up that has fallen, but to go backwards because of “material goods” or even to go backwards to an individual; can be costly. We’re not moving forward in God’s plan for our life but instead moving back to all the unjustly, ungodly and sinful things that he blessed us to get out of in the first place – going backwards only brings your full destiny to a complete stop…while venturing out into the unknown of the how’s, why’s, I don’t knows and the when’s of things is very uncomfortable, (almost like going through a big dark house without any lights) – It’s worth the journey to just trust God and believe that everything you had before, he guarantees you to have even greater things going forward; which can all be yours only if you follow the path of FAITH & TRUST.

I can honestly tell you that God did bless me with way more and better things than I had before – so much so until I actually had to give things away. Before you take the detour and travel backwards to get what you left behind, think of Achan and his family and let that be the driving force in helping you to move forward – because the backwards game not only affects you, but it has a way of affecting everything around you. The word FORWARD was not put in the dictionary for nothing – but It was meant to be put there and read as a stepping stone to your DESTINY!

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IN ORDER FOR GOD TO MOVE YOU FORWARD…YOU CAN’T BE STUCK ON BACKWARD..

Roshonda N. Blackmon

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Keeping a LOOSING Focus…

Focus

Some months ago I found myself distraught over a shooting that happened in a nearby city, When I heard about it, I was saddened as I always am when I hear of someone taking the life of someone else, but this time was different, it wasn’t someone that I knew but rather someone that I didn’t know, and now someone that I would not ever get a chance to meet. The individual was so young and full of life, they served God at least from what I could see when I read about them, they were positive, loved life, loved family and had quite a few things going on for themselves and they were only 35, the age I am now. I have to admit and I never like to do it, but I found myself questioning God – God why? Why so young, why so presumably innocent, Why the family man, Why the church man whom was trying to do everything to live right, I was hurt and within that hurting place, I began to think of ways that maybe I could have done God’s work better by being in place to prevent the incident from happening, without hurt nor harm to them or anyone around them. I became a little flustered with God as I was trying to tell him what he should have done and how he should have done it….Wrong, I know…

But for a brief moment I lost focus, I lost focus on whom the creator was, I lost focus on the fact that he does everything for a reason, I lost focus on whom the Alpha and Omega was, I lost focus on the man that causes the sun the set and the moon to rise, I lost focus on the one whom tells old death to behave all during the night while I sleep and slumber in my bed, I lost focus on the one whom with one word causes my spirit to awaken and my breathing comes back to normal, I lost focus on whom I was and whom I was trying to challenge and go against, a man that with one word could end my life immediately, I TOTALLY LOST FOCUS!

Focus on JesusThe world is a nasty place and while we yet may not understand why things happen or why in our terminology why things happen to “good people”, we still have to believe and trust that God see’s all, knows all and has everything in control, the ways of this world with its negative, explosive bombs has a way of tugging at the minds, the hearts and the faith of even the strongest person in the Lord, but the bible clearly states: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  (Phil 4:8)

You See? God knew that we would be faced with such negativity and didn’t want us to fret nor worry, but wants us to think on positive things, it’s not that God wants us to be naive to circumstances but he knows that such unfocused thinking does not yield good results for our “fighting” spirits, so instead of keeping our focus on him we would lose it to things that are beyond our control; You’ve heard the saying “an idle mind is the devil’s workshop”, so once we lose focus, it jeopardizes our FAITH in God leaving room for the enemy to come and play and lead us off into another dimension where God does not reside, and when he does that; it’s hard and sometimes impossible to not only regain your focus but get back on track, So be careful about where you allow your focus to go and how long you allow it to stay there, yes, we may and do get sidetracked by devastating news and such things but there’s a time and place for everything and while we may not always understand the ways of the world or the things that go on within it, just remember that God loves and cares for you so much; He needs you to SURVIVE and by surviving that means keeping your focus on him.

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DENIAL? WHO, ME??….NOT!!

Denial

In a conversation on last week, I found out that someone I truly trusted and admired had been talking about me – I considered this person to be a special individual in my life and have always wished them the best, no matter how much they seemed to go up and down life’s roller-coaster of uncertainty. I treated them the same every time I came into their presence; so to hear that they had been speaking negatively of me was very disheartening. The things they said of me were that:

  • I talked too much (I tell too much of my business, to everyone around that would listen)
  • I gave out my telephone number to numerous gentlemen

Now, I was thinking to myself – WHAT??!?? I was a little shocked but instead of getting upset and dismissing what was said as a “I have no idea what they are talking about” I owned up to it; You see they were right – I did talk extremely too much to too many people, I shared my ups and downs – hopes and dreams with anyone that would listen, I even had a bad case of sharing my relationship information with people, if the relationship was good – I talked about it, if it was bad I talked about that too (probably even the more) I talked to family, I talked to so-called friends, I talked to church members. Many years ago, I had entrusted in a former pastor and talked of many things and instances in my life and current situations at the time that I felt deemed he should know about me – as a teenager I went through many things, so it wasn’t uncommon to share things with a leader you felt like you could trust, not knowing that I was being used as bait to talk about my family and other situations as my family was very private; I later found out that he stated “If you want to know anything, just pick at Roshonda – if you pick long enough, she will tell you what you what you want to hear” in that instance I remember feeling miserable, because this was a person that I felt like I trusted – so I was always in a place of “telling my business” and as you can see, it was noticeable to others as well.

As far as the giving out my number is concerned, I not only talked too much but I also always entertained the wrong company due to me “wanting to find love” because I was so distanced from whom I really was, I always found solace in someone’s arms, I never liked being alone – so instead of working on me, I found my way into the arms of another whom I thought would take care of me, love me, treat me right and be by my side forever more; in which what I always got in the end was a broken heart. Not to justify the situations of my actions, but when people talk about you; they talk from a place of the “unknown” they are outsiders looking inside, not knowing the full truth of the situation on the inside of that habitation. So after listening to what I was told and sitting for a while in thought, I realized that by admitting what was supposed to put me in denial; felt like a burden that had lifted up off of me and my mind changed not about the individual that were saying these things about me, because I still love them in spite of, but about the perspectives now I had on myself.

When people reveal things about you, it’s never easy to become accepting of those things because in our “own” natural eye we feel as though we are alright, we’re somewhat merely perfect – with no flaws. So it’s easy to get “bent-out-of shape” when someone says something that you undeniably think you’re not…But if you take a real close look at what’s being said and if what’s being said is coming to you by more than one person then maybe you do have an issue that needs to be corrected; the things being said about you might have come out totally wrong and meant to hurt you; can easily be turned around into a positive and be meant to help you. We all have issues, hurts, habits and hang-ups on the inside of us that we have not even dealt with yet. Sometimes we know what those issues are but instead of dealing with it and coming to terms with our problem…..We chose to be in Denial because of our PRIDE.DENIAL BANANA

The bible says “Who can understand his errors? Cleanse thou me from secret faults.” Psalms 19:12 – this verse goes to show that we all have secret faults on the inside of us, that a lot of times we may not even know is residing there, those faults usually don’t come to surface until we’re faced with a problem and/or issue which tends to bring out a side of us that we had no idea was there in the first place. So, when you hear of someone talking about you or saying something that seems to be untrue – presumably (STOP) and dissect what is being said, Now if it’s indeed an untruth, then you should pray for the individual and move forward, Let God deal with them because we can’t chase down every lie that’s told on us, if we attempted to do this; we would be tired, disgusted, frustrated, mentally incapacitated and spiritually unstable; besides, they lied on Jesus Christ so are you any better than he?..

Now on the other hand if the information that’s being said about you is true, as hurtful as it might seem to be and if you’re like me (have a 24hr pity party) cry, shout, scream do whatever it takes to get over that hump, once those 24 hours are over get up, dust yourself off and CHANGE! A lot of times the things people say about us, if we admit it are TRUE, we know it’s true but we have been hiding it, that’s why we get angry when people bring things out about us to the LIGHT because now that “denial” that we’re hiding in darkness has now been uprooted and brought to the surface. The bible says in Proverbs 28:13 (NIV) – Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

Now, the pain of what was said did hurt me immensely; mainly because of whom it was coming from, but it taught me a lesson, after my 24 hour pity party of disgrace; I came to terms that I do talk too much about my business and have been asking the Lord to help me to keep my mouth closed on things that will not uplift my situation or my relationship with others, but speak light to situations even if they are not great or where I would like them to be currently. Because negativity does draw negativity and listening ears do have running mouths, so we have to be careful about the things we say and whom we allow ourselves to vent too because a Dog that brings a bone, has a way of carrying one back with him…

So now who’s in DENIAL?? YES, IT WAS ME! 

 deny-himself-

The WHOLE TRUTH & nothing but the TRUTH!!!

About a couple of weeks ago, I received a message from my old boss asking me had I seen some meeting minutes that I had taken during a meeting 3 months ago, another meeting was coming up and those minutes were needed to correspond with events that happened and/or had taken place during that time. The back story of this is that I had since moved from that position into another department and upon my departure I had gotten rid of a lot of unnecessary paperwork while I was in transition, so when he reached out to ask me had I seen those documents “I immediately told him that I did not recall being in the meeting and that there were quite a few things that were transpiring during that time and that the last minutes I had taken were from February”

Truth be told, I knew I was in that meeting and did take those notes but were afraid that I had actually threw them out with everything else that was getting trashed that week, so without telling him the “whole” truth and avoiding getting called a “lacker” as I had a good girl reputation to uphold in my new department, so I felt like it was best to have a jogged memory in order to clear myself of being called “irresponsible” in which I thought would have an impact on my current job. At that time, I felt like a LIE was more important than the TRUTH…

The dictionary states that a lie is “a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood, something intended or serving to convey a false impression.

How many times in life do we forsake telling just to cover up the “whole” truth? There is no white lie, little lie, small lie or tiny lie – It’s just a LIE an untruth. If told, a lie can start out like as a seed – it starts off small, if you do not nurture it; feed it or water it – it will never grow however once you start feeding it, nurturing it and watering it with other lies – that small seed becomes bigger and bigger, begins to create branches and those branches each have limbs of their own. A lie has a way of making you feel like you did the right thing, but in actuality it’s that “small” thing that can keep many of us out of God’s graces.

The truth - quoteThe bible states in Proverbs 6:16-17 “There are six things the Lord hates, seven are an abomination to him – haughty eyes, a lying tongue…

It also states in Revelation 21:8 – But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whore-mongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and ALL LIARS shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death (Okay so I didn’t mean to get all deep on you, but it’s right there in the word – ALL LIARS – that would include ME!

As you can see the bible did not say specifically “Well the white lies” are okay, but the BIG lies are an abomination – he said ALL LIARS, which means weather a lie is big or small in your mind….All liars will not be judged but headed to a pit of damnation. Now I know you don’t want that, I don’t want it for you or me.

Once I came to myself after feeling truly condemned about what I told my former boss, I asked the Lord for forgiveness and emailed him back and said that I was indeed at the meeting and in the process of me moving had either misplaced them or they must have been thrown away with other items. I began to tell him that I would come over and look for them; I did go to the department and with the Lords help I was able to put my hands right on them, I typed them out and made sure that he received them the same day. A lie is so easy to get into, but can be so hard to correct if we let it due to our own pride and just cause reasons.

The next time you find yourself about to tell a LIE, even a small one – If you are truly trying to live for Christ and have a heart set after him and while the FLESH is constantly pulling and tugging on us daily to fall into its desires, lusts and enticements, you will be forced to tell the truth regardless of how it will make you look in the long run, because regardless of how much the truth may hurt, getting cast out of God’s sight forever because of something so small is a hurt that you will never be able to erase. But if we live through the eyes of the spirit we can become resistant to the flesh and continue to live the life that God intends for us to live which is Holy, not to say that we won’t get tempted but if we continue to please the spirit we won’t be so eager to tell a LIE.

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